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Posted on 01/31/2006 6:06:46 PM PST by StarCMC
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SALUTE!
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Today's FEEBLE
YOKE :
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash
without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Chicagoland Weather
| February 01, 2006 | |
| Chicago, IL | |
| Sunrise | 7:02 AM (CST) |
| Sunset | 5:03 PM (CST) |
| Hrs. of Daylight | 10 Hrs., 1 Mins |
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| 5 Day Forecast | ||
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Morning, Pusterfuss!
Morning, Ma!
Morning, E.G.C.!
Good morning, Tomkow6. How's it going?
Good morning from chilly southeastern Mi.
My favorite engine is a Boss 351 Cleveland, with a Holly quad Carb! Put that into a '72 Ford Gran Torino and then you have quite a ride!
Morning, TMS!
Good morning, Everyone. Good morning to our
Military, our Allies, and their families.
My family and I thank you for all you do. We think you are truly amazing. My heart swells with pride everytime I think about what you do.
Thank you, Shorty, for preparing the Canteen for today’s activities. I like trains.
Howdy.... Oops! Bye.........I'm just passing through this morning just to say HOWDY to all. I have lots of work to get through today. It's time card week. If I get it done this morning, I will have time to visit during lunch time.
But, you stay right where you are. Don't touch that dial. Don't change that channel. Put down that remote. Don't leave the room. Keep your eyes on your monitor. Cause...............I'll be bock!
Now remember, the Canteen is OPEN
So, come on in and sit for a while. There's always plenty of coffee, pancakes, conversation, silliness, and plain old BS
REMEMBER THEM
DEFENDERS OF FREEDOM
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Tinsley Ellis - The Next Miss Wrong
Click here to purchase music by Tinsley Ellis
Kenny Wayne Shepherd - Born With A Broken Heart
Click here to purchase music by Kenny Wayne Shepherd
John Lee Hooker - Hobo Blues
Click here to purchase music by John Lee Hooker
Delbert McClinton - I Used To Worry
Click here to purchase music by Delbert McClinton
Candye Kane - Why'd You Have To Say That "L" Word
Click here to purchase music by Candye Kane
((HUGS))Morning, Beach.
((LOL))
Good morning and (((HUGS))) EG.
Good morning, Tom
Good morning, TMS
Good morning, acad
Wow, Tomkow....every once in awhile I miss Chicago. But, then I check the weather report. :o)
Fort Worth, Texas
at: 7:05 am CST F° | C°
Currently:
54°
Fair High: 63°
Low: 47°
More Current Conditions
Feels Like: 54° Dewpoint: 50°
Barometer: 29.79 in and steady Wind: SSE 13 mph
Humidity: 88% Sunrise: 7:24 am
Visibility: 10 mi Sunset: 6:03 pm
Local Forecast - (How to Read This)
Today: Partly cloudy with a slight chance of thunderstorms. High 63F. Winds SE at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 30%.
Tonight: Cloudy intervals. Low 47F. Winds light and variable.
Tomorrow: Sunshine along with some passing clouds. High 71F. Winds NW at 5 to 10 mph.
Tomorrow night: Clear skies with a few passing clouds. Low 46F. Winds NNE at 5 to 10 mph.
Friday: Mix of sun and clouds. Highs in the low 60s and lows in the upper 30s.
Saturday: Sunny. Highs in the mid 60s and lows in the low 40s.
Sunday: Partly cloudy and windy. Highs in the mid 70s and lows in the upper 40s.
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