Posted on 06/12/2006 9:27:43 AM PDT by aculeus
Detective work by a professor investigating the psychology of humour has revealed that Spike Milligan was the author of the world's funniest joke.
Five years ago, Prof Richard Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire, did an online experiment in which 300,000 people from around the world took part in LaughLab, where they voted for the best gag.
Yesterday, at the Cheltenham Science Festival, Prof Wiseman said he has now discovered that it was almost certainly written by Milligan.
The joke runs as follows: Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?'
"It is very rare to be able to track down the origin of any joke but this is an exception," said Prof Wiseman. "There is some very rare footage from 1951 showing the Goons in their first TV appearance. Just by chance I saw it on a documentary and saw a version of the very same joke."
The material would have been written by Spike Milligan and the script reads:
Michael Bentine: I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there.
Peter Sellers: Oh, is he dead?
Bentine: I think so.
Sellers: Hadn't you better make sure?
Bentine: All right. Just a minute.
Sound of two gun shots.
Bentine: He's dead.
Prof Wiseman contacted Milligan's daughter, Sile, and she is as certain as she can be that he would have written the gag. She said she was "delighted that dad wrote the world's funniest joke".
Prof Wiseman said: "I think what is interesting here is that a joke from the 1950s still works, and how it has transformed over time from a cosy sitting room to hunters in New Jersey."
He added: "Spike Milligan was clearly into surreal humour. The sort of people who like his stuff will be people with a high tolerance for ambiguity because the sketches don't really have a sense of closure."
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I thought it was the by-laws. Mother by law and father by law
I was gonna tell No. 258 but they say it's not really funny.
(For those not familiar with the joke...)
Kid walks down the street in an old country town. He comes across a group of old geezers hanging around the barbershop door ... one mumbles something as they all listen carefully, then all burst out laughing, and this repeats. Kid gets closer, and hears the different guys say a number, then all laugh.
"One thirty seven." They laugh.
"Four fourty two." More laughter.
"Ninety ... SIX!" Hysterics break out, one guy laughs so hard he falls off his chair.
Kid listens to this for a while, then asks what's going on. Oldest guy says "son, we've told each other so many jokes so many times that we just figure it's easier to attach a number to each one and tell that, rather than waste time telling the whole durn joke over again when everybody already knows it."
Kid nods, listens a little longer, then screws up his courage and contributes: "Ninety eight!"
Dead silence, as all the guys just stare at him. Poor kid is confused.
Oldest guy turns to him and says "son, it's how you _tell_ the joke that makes it funny!"
Hick Salesman :
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?".
"Yes, I was a salesman in the country", said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up". The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?".
"One" said the young salesman. "Only one", blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale worth?" "Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars" said the young
man. "How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss. "Well", said the salesman "this man came in and
I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small
fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the
coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-
foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so
I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser"
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook".
"No" answered the salesman, He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, "Your weekend's
shot, you may as well go fishing".
Alternate punchline: The old men looked at him with anger. The boy asked what he did wrong. "Numbers 80-100 are old man jokes." was the reply
I like it!
Did you know that 70% of orential men have cataracts? The rest drive rincolns and chevrorets.....
there is a prison version, whereby the rookie inmate then hollars 77!!! to no response...he was told 77 is not very funny
orential = oriental AAAHHH!!!
Two cannibals are sitting in the jungle eating a clown.
One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"
834 is a riot!
722 is pretty funny too!
When 4716 came out, it was hilarious.
Oh...399 ROFL!!
The lawyer bother made no contact with his family and years later received a call from his younger brother. "Paw Died today".
They lawyer brother told the other that he was too busy to come back for the funeral, so to just send him a bill for costs and he will take care of it.
About a year later, the lawyer brother called up the other and said "I know that I said that I would pay for Dad's funeral, but what is the bill I keep getting every month for $200?"
"Oh, I buried Dad in a rented tux".
Reminded me of a chinese colleague. He was angry because someone misinterpreted a report. "I don't understand, it was in PRAIN ENGRISH."
I had to walk away cause I was laughing too hard.
The surgeon consoles him that a new, experimental procedure is available, whereby he could affix the trunk of a baby elephant to the stump.
"You should think about it. The elephant's trunk has three hundred and forty different muscle groups, and would be an obvious improvement in both size and control."
"Let's do it." The grieving man says.
Later, at home, he still hasn't told his wife. They're sitting at the breakfast table and the trunk lashes out from below the table, grabs a breakfast roll, and darts back below the table cloth. The man looks startled, and the wife says, "What was that?"
"Nothing." He says, searching for words that won't come.
As he meditates it happens again. His eyes pop wide open and his wife exclaims, "WHAT WAS THAT!"
The husband explains and his wife's disgust is mitigated when he describes the 340 muscle groups and improved size.
"Do it again." She says.
"I would, but I don't know if I can stand another breakfast roll up my a$$."
6 points for obscure reference and tie in!!! Nice job!!!
I don't think the Kopechne family find that joke very funny.
I've heard funnier.
You have to read these jokes....some are hilarious!
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