Keyword: jokes

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  • Golfing goofers

    08/30/2018 3:46:24 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 13 replies
    email from a friend | 8/30/2018 | unknown
    ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT A PUBLIC GOLF COURSE Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars. Caller: Does that include golf? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you First, is this your correct phone number? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: I'd like to reserve a tee time in two weeks. Staff: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. Caller: What's the weather going to be like that day? Staff: Golf course, may I help you?...
  • Battles of the Sexes

    08/24/2018 9:23:37 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 6 replies
    email from a friend | 8/24/2018 | unknown
    A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOAT AROUND THE INTERNET BUT SOME MAY BE SURPRISED THAT THERE IS A WHOLE GROUP OF JOKES ABOUT MEN THAT MANY DO NOT SEE. ENJOY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN. One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !' And they say blondes are dumb.... A couple is lying in bed. The...
  • National Presidential joke Day August 11

    08/11/2018 9:47:12 AM PDT · by heterosupremacist · 21 replies
    I would like to start with some very funny stuff from a funny man - President President Reagan... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fovs12cxYe4
  • Joke: Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

    07/18/2018 9:07:25 AM PDT · by gattaca · 19 replies
    They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.” The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.” The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth...
  • VANITY: Humor Break

    07/22/2018 5:24:42 PM PDT · by ex91B10 · 7 replies
    For a fun-filled break click here!Good ol' UNCUT Looney Tunes, Merrie Melodies, Tom & Jerry, Flintstones and more.
  • Some stuff for Saturday

    07/21/2018 5:46:00 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 7 replies
    email from a friend | 7/21/2018 | unknown
    Astute Observations There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipsh*t's. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it's OK. Everyone knows me here. I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Left Tackle? I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in...
  • Senior Smiles

    07/11/2018 4:24:01 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 45 replies
    email from a friend | 7/11/2018 | unknown
    A senior couple returned to a Corvette dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top. The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $85,000 asking price. Yet I just overheard you closed the deal for $72,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model." The salesman...
  • Take a Break FRiends;)

    06/27/2018 10:34:22 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 23 replies
    Laugh Factory ^ | 6/27/2018 | multiple
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it...
  • 15 Clues Your Father Might Be a Snowflake (With Gift Suggestions)[Fathers Day Humor]

    06/17/2018 8:40:20 AM PDT · by rktman · 14 replies
    townhall.com ^ | 6/17/2018 | Steve Sheldon
    With Father's Day quickly approaching, you may find yourself at a loss as to what to buy dear old dad. If he reads Townhall, then you have it made. However, for the few of you who find yourself in that awkward situation where you suspect your father might just be a snowflake, here's a helpful guide in both identifying telltale symptoms and helpful gift antidotes.
  • Left Wing, Homophobic Hate Mongers At Huffington Post EXPOSED!

    06/14/2018 4:52:26 PM PDT · by rktman · 9 replies
    constitution.com ^ | 6/14/2018 | Andrew West
    Not to be outdone by a self-proclaimed D-list celebrity, the folks over at the ultraliberal Huffington Post are now getting in on the action as well, but instead of attacking the President, their hate is a little more universal. A Huffington Post editor used a homophobic slur, made anti-Semitic Holocaust jokes, and tweeted about hating police officers in old tweets, The Daily Caller has learned. Philip Lewis currently serves as the front page editor for the widely popular left-leaning site Huffington Post. Lewis Twitter page has a number of anti-Semitic jokes, including vile jokes about the Holocaust. He once tweeted,...
  • Official Free Republic LGBT coming out thread

    04/01/2018 2:11:08 PM PDT · by Species8472 · 50 replies
    Vanity ^ | 4-1-18 | Me
    Liquor! Guns! Bacon! Tits (the birds of course) Happy April Fools Day fellow freepers!
  • New IRS 1040 Form [satire]

    01/29/2018 11:40:25 AM PST · by markomalley · 4 replies
    Twitter ^ | 1/29/18 | vanity
    In light of complaints surrounding tax reform, the IRS has published an updated Form 1040. Please ensure you file using the following:
  • Ex-White House staffers reveal Bush and Obamas best jokes

    01/06/2018 4:41:46 PM PST · by simpson96 · 11 replies
    New York Post ^ | 1/6/2017 | Rachael Bergstein
    They were the leaders of the free world, but presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama didn’t let that responsibility get in the way of a little fun.(snip) While Bush made a practice of making fun of himself, the Obamas were known to good-naturedly tease their employees. For Bernard’s first day at the White House, he wore an orange Hermès tie that he second-guessed all morning as staffer after staffer commented on it. Then, he arrived in Michelle Obama’s office to greet his new boss. “Oh, my . . . your tie!” she exclaimed before bursting into laughter and going in for...
  • An Irish Thursday

    01/04/2018 3:35:50 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 5 replies
    email from a friend | 01/04/2018 | unknown
    After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents. Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you. Husband: What's up? Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid... Husband: Well you don't remember, do you??? When we were leaving the hospital, you noticed that our baby had pooped,then you said: "Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty...
  • Twitter Reveals Some Funny Charlie Rose Jokes

    11/24/2017 5:08:43 AM PST · by PJ-Comix · 8 replies
    Newsbusters ^ | November 24, 2017 | P.J. Gladnick
    On Tuesday night, CBS late-night host Stephen Colbert addressedthe serious accusations of sexual harassment against morning news host Charlie Rose. Mediaite reported he called it an "abuse of power, and noted Rose gave unwanted shoulder rubs, something his employees referred to as the crusty paw. He quipped And you may make three wishes upon the accursed paw, all of which are to not get a back rub from Charlie Rose. While the networks will quickly move on, people can still get their Charlie Rose humor fix simply by checking out Twitter, where the jokes abound.
  • Smiles for Sanity

    07/26/2017 3:38:35 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 11 replies
    various | 7/26/2017 | various
    Two Alberta Farmers were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other, Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog? The second one replies, Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price! The first one says, with wide eyes, Wow, they arent very expensive. At this price, Im buying one. The second farmer smiles and pats him on the back. Good idea! Order one and if shes as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too. Three weeks later, the younger farmer asks his friend, Did you...
  • Laugh it Off

    05/25/2017 2:39:24 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 44 replies
    email | 5/25/2017 | self
    Nineteen Newfoundlanders go to the cinema. The ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Buddy replies, "The film said 18 or over." My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. I was at an A.T.M. yesterday. A little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. Statistically, six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy. My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 a m. Can...
  • Monday Memos

    02/27/2017 6:09:39 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 6 replies
    unknown | 2/27/2017 | self
    Older than dirt? Then you just have to appreciate this one. Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired... Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up...
  • How come we can poke a Pole, Bash a Brit, Irk the Irish?

    01/29/2017 4:31:03 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 31 replies
    unknowb | 1/29/ | unknown
    SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU SMILE OR LAUGH...IF YOU DON'T GET OFFENDED EASILY WHAT AISLE IS THE POLISH SAUSAGE IN? Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days................ A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you omething. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for...
  • A Post Office Christmas Story !!

    12/11/2016 9:17:57 AM PST · by CGASMIA68 · 3 replies
    an Email
    A Post Office Christmas Story There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and...