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Keyword: jokes

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  • Donkeys and Asses

    11/30/2018 11:45:25 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 18 replies
    email | 11/30/2018 | unknown
    The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won !! The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the next race, and it won that race too. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS”. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to...
  • This and That

    11/25/2018 11:49:05 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 20 replies
    email | 11/26/2018 | unknown
    If you can’t afford a doctor and feel you need a check up, go to the airport. you will get a free x-ray and breast exam and if you mention al queda you will also get a free colonoscopy. Adultery is a sin; you cannot have your Kate and Edith too. I had a really bad day. First, my ex got ran over by a bus - then I got fired from my job as a bus driver. Wife: Look at that drunk guy. Husband: Who is he? Wife: 10 years ago he proposed to me and I rejected him....
  • If Confucius Lived Today - this is what he would say;)

    11/10/2018 5:36:14 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 20 replies
    email | 11/10/2018 | unknown
    Confucius Say. It's OK to let a fool kiss you, but don't let a kiss fool you. Confucius Say. A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise. Confucius Say. It is better to lose a lover than love a loser. Confucius Say. Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy Confucius Say. A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Confucius Say. Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest. Confucius Say. Viagra is like Disneyland ...a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride. Confucius Say. It...
  • Men are Human Beings too!

    11/09/2018 1:47:38 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 20 replies
    email | 11/9/2018 | unknown
    A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied "Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke...
  • Truck Tales

    11/09/2018 3:37:54 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 8 replies
    email | 11/9/2018 | unknown
    I bought a new Dodge 3500 Ram Tri-Flex Fuel Truck It'll run on hydrogen, gasoline, or E85. Had to go back to the dealer because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice-activated. 'Nelson', the technician said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued, and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven', I'd get beautiful...
  • For Southerners Only

    11/08/2018 4:30:44 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 58 replies
    email | 11/8/2018 | unknown
    Southern Humor A guy from ALABAMA passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'till she's 14. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How do you know when you're staying in a MISSISSIPPI hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How can you tell if a GEORGIA redneck is married? There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in ALABAMA to 32? It seems they want to...
  • A Wink for Wednesday

    11/28/2018 3:19:50 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 16 replies
    email | 11/28/2018 | unknown
    A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2" strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department. After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview. The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all...
  • How about a little humor thread?! (Vanity)

    11/04/2018 1:20:39 PM PST · by Az Joe · 70 replies
    1/04/2018 | AZJoe
    Post any political jokes, cartoons, stories, anecdotes, etc!
  • Random Stupid Jokes

    10/13/2018 9:33:25 AM PDT · by Sarcasm Factory · 17 replies
    Nether Regions | 13 October 2018 | Glorious Self
    Yeah, all the recent news about leftists rising to the occasion with their witchcraft weirdness has provoked me into making up some totally stupid jokes that will lower your intelligence by a few points. You've been warned! Question: "What dark witchcraft do leftists use to torture basic arithmetic so that jacking up taxes by $32 trillion over the next ten years to pay for 'Medicare for All' will somehow 'save money'?" Answer: "A 'cackle-later'." Get it, huh? Huh? It works on two painful levels if you think about it! Hee-hee-hee! Question: "What's the difference between a leftist and a starved...
  • Hillary Clinton jokes about email in 'Murphy Brown' return to TV

    09/28/2018 6:05:07 PM PDT · by Libloather · 39 replies
    Yahoo ^ | 9/27/18 | Lisa Richwine
    **SNIP** In Thursday's episode, Clinton walks into the newsroom to interview for a job as Murphy's secretary. The former secretary of state claims that she is not Hillary Clinton but someone who looks like her and has a wealth of experience. "Your reputation precedes you, but I want you to know I'm not afraid of hard work," Clinton said to Murphy. "I'm qualified and I'm ready on day one." Murphy asks the job seeker several questions, including one about her experience with technology. "I do have some experience with emails," Clinton responded. Clinton faced criticism during her losing presidential campaign...
  • Golfing goofers

    08/30/2018 3:46:24 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 13 replies
    email from a friend | 8/30/2018 | unknown
    ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT A PUBLIC GOLF COURSE Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars. Caller: Does that include golf? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you First, is this your correct phone number? Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: I'd like to reserve a tee time in two weeks. Staff: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. Caller: What's the weather going to be like that day? Staff: Golf course, may I help you?...
  • Battles of the Sexes

    08/24/2018 9:23:37 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 6 replies
    email from a friend | 8/24/2018 | unknown
    A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOAT AROUND THE INTERNET BUT SOME MAY BE SURPRISED THAT THERE IS A WHOLE GROUP OF JOKES ABOUT MEN THAT MANY DO NOT SEE. ENJOY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN. One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !' And they say blondes are dumb.... A couple is lying in bed. The...
  • National Presidential joke Day August 11

    08/11/2018 9:47:12 AM PDT · by heterosupremacist · 21 replies
    I would like to start with some very funny stuff from a funny man - President President Reagan... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fovs12cxYe4
  • Joke: Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

    07/18/2018 9:07:25 AM PDT · by gattaca · 19 replies
    They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.” The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.” The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth...
  • VANITY: Humor Break

    07/22/2018 5:24:42 PM PDT · by ex91B10 · 7 replies
    For a fun-filled break click here!Good ol' UNCUT Looney Tunes, Merrie Melodies, Tom & Jerry, Flintstones and more.
  • Some stuff for Saturday

    07/21/2018 5:46:00 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 7 replies
    email from a friend | 7/21/2018 | unknown
    Astute Observations There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipsh*t's. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it's OK. Everyone knows me here. I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Left Tackle?” I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in...
  • Senior Smiles

    07/11/2018 4:24:01 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 45 replies
    email from a friend | 7/11/2018 | unknown
    A senior couple returned to a Corvette dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top. The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $85,000 asking price. Yet I just overheard you closed the deal for $72,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model." The salesman...
  • Take a Break FRiends;)

    06/27/2018 10:34:22 AM PDT · by sodpoodle · 23 replies
    Laugh Factory ^ | 6/27/2018 | multiple
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it...
  • 15 Clues Your Father Might Be a Snowflake (With Gift Suggestions)[Fathers Day Humor]

    06/17/2018 8:40:20 AM PDT · by rktman · 14 replies
    townhall.com ^ | 6/17/2018 | Steve Sheldon
    With Father's Day quickly approaching, you may find yourself at a loss as to what to buy dear old dad. If he reads Townhall, then you have it made. However, for the few of you who find yourself in that awkward situation where you suspect your father might just be a snowflake, here's a helpful guide in both identifying telltale symptoms and helpful gift antidotes.
  • Left Wing, Homophobic Hate Mongers At Huffington Post EXPOSED!

    06/14/2018 4:52:26 PM PDT · by rktman · 9 replies
    constitution.com ^ | 6/14/2018 | Andrew West
    Not to be outdone by a self-proclaimed D-list celebrity, the folks over at the ultraliberal Huffington Post are now getting in on the action as well, but instead of attacking the President, their hate is a little more universal. A Huffington Post editor used a homophobic slur, made anti-Semitic Holocaust jokes, and tweeted about hating police officers in old tweets, The Daily Caller has learned. Philip Lewis currently serves as the front page editor for the widely popular left-leaning site Huffington Post. Lewis’ Twitter page has a number of anti-Semitic jokes, including vile jokes about the Holocaust. He once tweeted,...