Posted on 07/22/2006 6:03:00 PM PDT by NYer
PISCATAWAY, New Jersey, JULY 22, 2006 (Zenit.org).- Life without children is a growing social reality for an increasing number of American adults.
This is the conclusion of the 2006 edition of "The State of Our Unions" report on marriage, released last week by the National Marriage Project. The project is based at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey.
Up until recently, for most people, the greater part of adult life was spent with young children forming part of the household. A combination of marrying later, less children and longer life expectancy means, however, that a significantly greater part of adult life is spent without kids being in the house.
The report, titled "Life Without Children," was authored by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe. They start by noting how many recent publications complain of the difficulties in raising children. Many surveys also show that parents report lower levels of happiness compared to non-parents. In fact, an increasing number of married couples now see children as an obstacle to their marital happiness.
This isn't to say that children are rejected by the majority of couples. Nevertheless, there is a growing feeling of trepidation about taking on the responsibilities of parenthood. Of course, bringing up kids has never been easy, but there are good reasons why a growing number of parents are feeling increased pressures, the report explains.
A weakening of marriage bonds contributes to the difficulties of having children. Cohabiting women, the report explains, may postpone childbearing until they have a better sense of the long-term future of the relationship. If they wait too long, however, this places them at risk for never having children. Being in an unhappy marriage is another source of uncertainty. Couples who are worried about getting divorced are the most likely to remain childless.
Changing families
Citing Census Bureau reports, Whitehead and Popenoe lay out just how much family structures have changed.
-- In 1970 the median age of first marriage for women was just under 21years-old. The age of first marriage has now risen to just short of 26. Women who have a four-year college degree marry at an even later age.
-- In 1970, 73.6% of women, ages 25-29, had already entered their child-rearing years and were living with at least one minor child of their own. By 2000, this share dropped to 48.7%. For men in the same age bracket in 1970, 57.3% lived with their own children in the household. In 2000 this had plummeted to 28.8%.
-- In 1960, 71% of married women had their first child within the first 3 years of marriage. By 1990, this almost halved, to 37%. So after getting married, couples now experience a greater number of child-free years.
-- In 1970, 27.4% of women and 39.5% of men, ages 50-54, had at least one minor child of their own in the household. By 2000, the shares had fallen to 15.4% and 24.7%, respectively.
-- In addition, a growing number of women are not having any children. In 2004, almost one out of five women in their early forties was childless. In 1976, it was only one out of ten.
-- The proportion of households with children has declined from half of all households in 1960 to less than one-third today -- the lowest in America's history.
In general, then, a few decades ago life before children was brief, with little time between the end of schooling and the beginning of marriage and family life. Life after children was also reduced, with few years left before the end of work and the beginning of old age.
Less fun
Contemporary culture has quickly reflected the changes in family life, the report observes. It is increasingly common to find the years spent raising children portrayed as being less satisfying compared to the years before and after.
Adult life without children is depicted as having positive meaning and purpose, and as being full of fun and freedom. Life with children, by contrast, is seen as full of pressures and responsibilities.
In general, life without children is characterized by a focus on the self. "Indeed, the cultural injunction for the childless young and the child-free old is to 'take care of yourself,'" the report comments.
The years spent bringing up children is just the opposite. Being a parent means focusing on those who are dependent and subordinating adult needs to the requirements of the children.
By way of compensation traditional culture normally celebrated the work and sacrifice of parents, but this has now changed. Increasingly, the popular image of parents is a negative one. The new stereotypes range from the hyper-competitive sports parents who scream at their own kids, to those who ignore the problems their undisciplined children cause for others in public places.
The latest variant are the so-called "helicopter parents," who get their name from the way they supposedly hover over their children and swoop down to rescue them from any negative consequences of their behavior.
Television programs have long made fun of fathers, notes the report. More recently mothers are also being shown as unfit, unable to carry out their responsibilities without the help of a nanny, or as being over-indulgent and negligent.
By contrast a number of the most popular television shows in America in recent years, such as "Friends" and "Sex and the City," celebrated the glamorous life of young urban singles.
Bias against children
What does this portend for the future, the report asks. For a start, less political support for families. In the last presidential election, parents made up slightly less than 40% of the electorate. Less votes translates into less support for funding of schools and youth activities. Already a number of communities across the nation are trying to hold down property taxes by restricting the construction of affordable single family housing.
In cultural terms the bias against children is likely to grow. Entertainment and pastimes for adults -- gambling, pornography and sex -- is one of the fastest growing and most lucrative, and exciting, sectors of the economy.
By contrast, being a devoted parent is increasingly subject to a ruthless debunking, the report notes. In fact, the task of being a mother is now seen by a growing number as being unworthy of an educated women's time and talents. So the more staid values supportive of raising children -- sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity -- will receive less attention.
"It is hard enough to rear children in a society that is organized to support that essential social task," the report observes. "Consider how much more difficult it becomes when a society is indifferent at best, and hostile, at worst, to those who are caring for the next generation," it concludes.
The family, "founded on indissoluble marriage between a man and a woman," is where men and women "are enabled to be born with dignity, and to grow and develop in an integral manner," explained the Pope in his homily concluding the World Meeting of Families in Valencia, Spain, on July 9.
"The joyful love with which our parents welcomed us and accompanied our first steps in this world is like a sacramental sign and prolongation of the benevolent love of God from which we have come," he noted.
This experience of being welcomed and loved by God and by our parents, explained Benedict XVI, "is always the firm foundation for authentic human growth and authentic development, helping us to mature on the way towards truth and love, and to move beyond ourselves in order to enter into communion with others and with God." A foundation that is increasingly being undermined in today's society.
"If government would keep their darn fingers out of how parents choose to raise their children I think more people would be inclined to have more children.
Unfortunately with the NEA hovering over the classrooms parents are becoming just the breeders of the pupils. We have no authority over what they are taught anymore.
I think every American child should study American history first then world history. That way the kids would see how much better America is than the other countries. Instead the kids are being taught that they are citizens of the World and must know the distinctions between every other race on earth. They must never look down upon any other country because that isn't PC."
Sounds like an advertisement for homeschooling! :o)
Being a wife and mother is the greatest challenge of my life. I am grateful for the daily opportunity to better myself for the sake of my family.
I have a friend who had to marry his school sweetheart at 16 due to an unexpected pregnancy (circa 1970). They had twins and a pretty decent life. The kids turned out pretty good and were out of the house at 18. So my friends did their parently duty by age 34 and have enjoyed an empty nest since, except for entertaining grandkids.
Don't sweat it. Most people just pay lip service to the joy of kids.
I'm with you, OldPossum...in fact, I believe some of my friends are quite jealous of our happy life without children. Now, I'm not saying that having children is bad...I'm saying it's not for everyone and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.
Hang in there! It does get better .... albeit much later in their lives than when we were young. Society and ad campaigns have programmed them as being the center of their universe. The education system has assisted with their message that all youth must attend college or go through life as failures. College has projected the image that their lives will be fulfilled once they graduate with a degree. Then life slaps them with a reality check when the only job they can land in a competitive marketplace, that of bartender.
The euphoria of "me, myself and I" eventually wears off and if it doesn't, you as parents can help it along :-)
happy for you. maybe it was best your gene pool dies out?
Kind of a mean spirited comment, no?
I think parents of today, who have limited the number of children they bring into the world, have doted far too long and hard on their offspring, They have instilled 'greed' in their progeny and deserve the payback.
Sounds like you are picking the wrong women...
Thanks for the comment, and I believe you're right. Folks who are in a pickle somehow find a way to rationalize their situation.
I know, you're right. Discipline has been going south since way back in the '60's when Dr. Spock started "reeducating" all of us ignorant schlub parents.
Thank goodness I didn't listen, and too bad more people don't today.
Of course with the 'Free Love' era that began in the late 60s, all that began to change. 25 years ago, when my Daddy was still alive, he used to say, about the attitudes of young men, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" So it had begun to change even then.
That's why there was such a push for legalized abortion in the early 70's. All that 'Free Love' wasn't so free after all, and liberated women, and the young men who wanted to have sex with them, began to push for a chance to rid themselves of their problems. The ability to get rid of these kids started changing peoples' attitudes toward all children.
Maybe you should consider making better choices.
I find that most people go through life doing what they think they're suppose to do and quoting greeting cards.
You will never have a grandchild wrap their arms around you and hear, "I love you, Mimi." Priceless. Grandchildren are God's special reward for having been a parent.
*8-- In addition, a growing number of women are not having any children. In 2004, almost one out of five women in their early forties was childless. In 1976, it was only one out of ten.**
A good trend.
(Somehow I don't think the women are the problem)
Your post is made up BS spam.
**This experience of being welcomed and loved by God and by our parents, explained Benedict XVI, "is always the firm foundation for authentic human growth and authentic development, helping us to mature on the way towards truth and love, and to move beyond ourselves in order to enter into communion with others and with God.**
And this is the other side of the coin.
Will some copy-editor please tell this writer the difference between "less" and fewer"...?
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