Father Waylays Daughter's Lover

Manchester Union Leader ^ | September 22, 2007 | Greta Cuyler

[Jim Noble]

WEARE – A father attacked his daughter's boyfriend last week after learning the boy had sex with the underage girl, police said.

It was about 1:30 p.m. Monday, Sept. 10, when the man stormed onto the grounds of John J. Stark High School and beat up the 17-year-old from Henniker. School was just letting out, and many students witnessed the attack, said Detective Lou Chatel.

The boy suffered bruising and later received two stitches to his face.

The father was charged with simple assault, a Class B felony.

Police said the boy is dating the man's 15-year-old daughter.

The man discovered the two had had sex earlier that day, during school hours but not on school property, police said.

Under state law, a 15-year-old cannot consent to sex; therefore, police are investigating the allegation as a sexual assault.

The New Hampshire Union Leader has a policy of not identifying sexual assault victims. For that reason, the newspaper is not identifying the father.

Both students attend John Stark High School. The girl lives in Weare.

Chatel said there have been no arrests in the sex case, but he expects there will be.

[oldenuff2no]

I would have smacked the kid down too. Those who say something should have been done to the girl assume that she got away with it. Not in my house and I’d bet not in this case either.
A man takes responsibility for the safety and security of his family and lets nothing stand in the way of that end.
A PC Puss y calls 9-11 and cries all over the phone and the cops feet and ends up doing nothing in the end. As a father and a parent, with my wife, we set the boundaries and rules in our home and for our children. Those rules and boundaries apply for out children while they are at school too. I think some folks need to find some morals and some gonads.

[oldenuff2no]

I would have smacked the kid down too. Those who say something should have been done to the girl assume that she got away with it. Not in my house and I’d bet not in this case either.
A man takes responsibility for the safety and security of his family and lets nothing stand in the way of that end.
A PC Puss y calls 9-11 and cries all over the phone and the cops feet and ends up doing nothing in the end. As a father and a parent, with my wife, we set the boundaries and rules in our home and for our children. Those rules and boundaries apply for out children while they are at school too. I think some folks need to find some morals and some gonads.

[Will88]

Well, in what other areas do you approve of vigilante law? Does every citizen get to pick the area he or she thinks should be subject to their ideas of vigilante law?

The comparison to Middle Eastern honor killings is made because, even though the ME culture blames the promiscuous daughter, and American culture mostly blames the boy, both fathers or family members have a notion that they are restoring or protecting the family ‘honor’, or avenging some loss of honor.

I just can’t agree that a fifteen year-old girl has little responsibility for her decisions, especially since the boy was only seventeen and girls DO mature faster as teens. Looks like equal guilt to me.

[RochesterFan]

Your post appears to me to be internally inconsistent, First you posit:

Better to live in the real world than a fantasy world. They (teens) aren’t going to follow the law.

followed by:

Too many dads want their daughter to assume NO responsibility for their decisions.

Which is it? Do you expect 15 to 17 year olds to have been taught and follow the laws and societal expectations or not? When I grew up (in the dark ages,) every boy over 16 knew the term 'jailbait.' We all knew the laws and expectations; most of us followed them.

[red irish]

Many years ago when my daughter was about 12 some guy asked her if she would give him a blow job,I went insane. I ran out to where this punk was,playing basketball and asked him if maybe his mother gives blow jobs. He just stood there shocked.I told him I found out where he lived and if he ever spoke to my daughter again I would be sure to go and ask his mother the same question that he asked my daughter. Never saw the kid again. I wanted to break his neck. But I don’t know what my husband would have done. I don’t think we told him because I didn’t want him to go to jail.

[SuziQ]

Seems like it wasn't until just about 25 years ago that we really started having problems with teens and sex. Sure, kids in the 50's and early 60's did the deed, but they knew it was wrong, and they'd face consequences if they did, not the least of which was pregnancy. Long about the late 60's with the advent of 'free love', adults seemed to just give up on any sort of responsibility, maybe because they wanted an excuse to do the same thing. Kids got the idea they could do anything they wanted, anytime they wanted with no consequences. But dang, that pregnancy thing just kept being such a pain. No problem! Those adults just decided to push for legal abortion, anytime, anywhere, for any reason, whatsoever. Then they wouldn't be bothered by their kids , or themselves or their girlfriends, for that matter, getting pregnant.

Well, it turns out that pregnancy WASN'T the worst thing that could happen to sexually active teenagers, and that disease got it's own set of civil rights, but that's another story.

When kids are given the information about the dangers of early sexual activity, and are taught ways tools to avoid it, many will. There are many adults who will fight against the kids being taught these skills, though, many times because they're couched in religious terms. Forget about the fact that they actually WORK, it's just that whole religion thing that gets some folks all riled up.

[RochesterFan]

I think you got the point across to the punk. Well done!

[RochesterFan]

As one who grew up during this era (born in 1955,) I think you pretty well summed things up. I do think that in addition to the ‘free-love’ philosophy, that postmodernism caused an erosion in at least an intellectual agreement with the notion of true authority. As society became more postmodern, the mantra became, ‘If it feels good (to me,) do it.’ This has caused an erosion in sexual mores, civility, and many other areas.

[humantech]

vigilante law?

BWAHHHHHAAAAA

Please. I didnt condone stringing this kid up.

I'm fairly certain you didnt really even read my post.
Police typically classify this type of incident as " mutual combat" where neither or both participants end up in trouble. The only problem the father has at this time is that the kid want 18 yet. I would assume if we saw pictures of the kid, we might think he was 18 though. The kid is old enough to play, he's old enough to pay. You are reaching quite a bit on the comparison to honor killing. It simply doesnt hold water.

My points had nothing to do about honor. It has to do with taking care of you children even if you have to suffer for it. That girl is the more likely to have issues arising from sexual relations. The boy is free to take off if she gets pregnant. Or an STD. Or boring to him. SHE has to live with that. This is nothing to do with " restoring honor " to a family. This is to do with seeing a bad situation and acting to stop it.

The dad is going to pay for this, one, and the domestic strife he will have in his home ( Daughters will be VERY vocal and angry that Dad "runined her life" ) will likely make the prospect of hanging out in jail for a few days kindve a nice change.
Also, I never once mentioned the girl had no responsibility in the situation.She absolutely does. Thats a whole different discussion, and as men and women are fundamentally different, it will need to be dealt with differently.
What are your thoughts on what should have been done in this situation?
Its pretty obvious that you dont agree with the father or myself.

[humantech]

vigilante law?

BWAHHHHHAAAAA

Please. I didnt condone stringing this kid up.

I'm fairly certain you didnt really even read my post.
Police typically classify this type of incident as " mutual combat" where neither or both participants end up in trouble. The only problem the father has at this time is that the kid want 18 yet. I would assume if we saw pictures of the kid, we might think he was 18 though. The kid is old enough to play, he's old enough to pay. You are reaching quite a bit on the comparison to honor killing. It simply doesnt hold water.

My points had nothing to do about honor. It has to do with taking care of you children even if you have to suffer for it. That girl is the more likely to have issues arising from sexual relations. The boy is free to take off if she gets pregnant. Or an STD. Or boring to him. SHE has to live with that. This is nothing to do with " restoring honor " to a family. This is to do with seeing a bad situation and acting to stop it.

The dad is going to pay for this, one, and the domestic strife he will have in his home ( Daughters will be VERY vocal and angry that Dad "runined her life" ) will likely make the prospect of hanging out in jail for a few days kindve a nice change.
Also, I never once mentioned the girl had no responsibility in the situation.She absolutely does. Thats a whole different discussion, and as men and women are fundamentally different, it will need to be dealt with differently.
What are your thoughts on what should have been done in this situation?
Its pretty obvious that you dont agree with the father or myself.

[Will88]

“Your post appears to me to be internally inconsistent, First you posit:”

Nothing inconsistent about those two statements. One says teen couples, with one above and the other below the age of consent, are not going to base their decision to have or not have sex based on the law. The don’t plan to tell adults that they’ve become sexually active, and don’t expect the laws to be applied to them. And they won’t be unless an adult finds out and pushes it.

The second statement says a fifteen year-old girl is old enough to assume responsibility for a decision to engage in consensual sex with a seventeen year-old boyfriend, no matter her parents attitudes.

I grew up in the dark ages, too. Age of consent was 16. I knew of older guys and younger girls violating the law, older girls and younger guys, and teachers and students violating the law. All consensual and none were ever caught.

It pays to deal with reality. Most studies show that 60%+ have had sex before finishing high school. You can bet a good many had sex as part of a couple where one was under and the other over the age of consent. It’s fine to establish expectations, but I don’t think teens who fall below this expectations should be beaten or sent to prison.

[humantech]

Careful. Logic might hurt bill88s head....
You dont want to, in any way, shape or form, assume that the world can be a better place by expecting teens to follow the law, or fathers to protect their children.

[Will88]

“Please. I didnt condone stringing this kid up.”

I said nothing about stringing the kid up. The father thought the kid should be punished, acting as judge and jury, and took it upon himself to administer the punishment.

That’s vigilantism. You don’t have to hang someone to be guilty, just decide to dispense punishment rather than relying on the law to do it if appropriate.

[Will88]

“What are your thoughts on what should have been done in this situation?
Its pretty obvious that you dont agree with the father or myself.”

The parents should have dealt with their children based on whatever values they’ve tried to give their children. I would never try to have a seventeen year-old charged with statutory rape if I knew the sex had been consensual.

And, if the girl had been seventeen and the boy fifteen, how do you think it should have been handled? These things definitely do happen, and have for decades. I know of such cases.

[SuziQ]

I was born in 1953, so I had a front row seat!

[BobS]

What ever happened to simply walking over to the girl’s house and meeting her parents? And she could meet the guy’s parents. When the parents meet each other, the guy and girl can have sneaky little white lies together.

[Will88]

“Also, I never once mentioned the girl had no responsibility in the situation.She absolutely does. Thats a whole different discussion, and as men and women are fundamentally different, it will need to be dealt with differently.”

Well, you need to work to have these differences reflected in the law. I don’t think they are in most cases, and reflecting such differences would probably be declared unconstitutional when it comes to consensual sex unless a pregnancy results.

[humantech]

LOL
I appreciate the wikipedia lookup.
The father was right. He's a free man. He just needs to live with the repurcussions of what he did. Just as the young man did that had sex with his underage daughter ( which is classified as a crime called statuatory rape. ) Next time he thinks to have sex with a minor, he may take pause thinking about personal responsibility for his actions- maybe not.
When you get a chance to think through the way the dad "should " have handled this, as I mentioned in my last post, feel free to post. I'm interested to know. I'm open to new , better ideas that make a childs life better.
I'll check back this evening as I need to take my girls out to the library and do some pro-active parenting so I dont need to whip some nameless boyfriends butt in 5 or 6 years over something exactly like this article.Perhaps I should let them read this article and all the responses that point out the different opinions so they can make their own opinions as to who is looking out for them and who is saying its ok for them to have sex before they are ready.
Keep in mind Will88, we dont need to agree. We just need to understand where the other guy is coming from.
My daughters lives and happiness are much more important to me than someone online thinking I'm barbaric, or spending a few days in jail, or people considering me un-pc.
I would think that there are quite a few people that feel the same.

[adversarial]

Dealing with an enraged father is one of the prices to pay
if you have sex with an underage girl. I’m sure the youth in question knew this. It was a very bold move for the father to deal with this young man on the school property
with witnesses present. Just as the beating was the price to pay for the illicit sex...so can jail time be the price of the fathers response. Both should pay the consequences for their action without sniveling. I would venture to guess if you asked both of them they would tell you it was worth it.

[humantech]

I take it then you believe that most aspects of parenting should be dealt with by the law, and if they arent now, we need to “ evolve the constitution” and our legal system to deal with things not yet covered?