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Man struck by sausage, but evidence eaten
Press Democrat ^ | Sunday, September 7, 2008 | LOUIS GALVAN

Posted on 09/08/2008 12:03:33 AM PDT by Hetty_Fauxvert

FRESNO -- A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out of the house, Fresno County sheriff's deputies said Saturday.

Lt. Ian Burrimond, describing the crime as one of the strangest he's ever heard of, said a suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery.

Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime.

"It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID," Burrimond said.

Arrested was Antonio Vasquez, 22, of Fresno.

Burrimond said deputies were dispatched to the victims' home shortly after 8 a.m. Saturday regarding a burglary in progress.

The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.

Both the spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, reportedly were obtained from the victims' kitchen.

After the man fled, the victims discovered the home had been ransacked and that some money was taken, Burrimond said.

Burrimond said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog.

"That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said. "I tell you, this was one weird case."


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: assault; bizarre; burglar; freepun; sausage
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I think the only thing stranger than this story is the fact that when I did a search here on FR for an earlier posting, a whole slew of sausage stories came up! Who knew sausage and crime go together so well?
1 posted on 09/08/2008 12:03:34 AM PDT by Hetty_Fauxvert
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert
He was just doing his version of the Fish Slap Dance.


2 posted on 09/08/2008 12:07:18 AM PDT by Dumpster Baby ( They told me that using the download page to download something was not something they anticipated)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert
The victims, both farmworkers [...]

Likely being the victims that Americans won't be. ;-)

3 posted on 09/08/2008 12:08:08 AM PDT by Gondring (I'll give up my right to die when hell freezes over my dead body!)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert
FRESNO -- A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to,,,

Sorry, I thought this story was going somewhere else.

I do remember a woman who killed her hubby with a frozen salmon.

4 posted on 09/08/2008 12:09:11 AM PDT by Hugin (Mecca delenda est!)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert

When I think of the recovery of the evidence, I think of Tommy Chong.


5 posted on 09/08/2008 12:10:30 AM PDT by squidly
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert
"A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out of the house."

Man, Olberman's not taking his demotion well...

6 posted on 09/08/2008 12:12:09 AM PDT by DemforBush (Palin! Palin! Palin!)
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To: DemforBush

If Olberdouche is 8 inches, I’ll eat my own sausage.


7 posted on 09/08/2008 12:15:19 AM PDT by fieldmarshaldj (~"This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps !"~~)
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To: DemforBush

lol


8 posted on 09/08/2008 12:16:51 AM PDT by Blind Eye Jones
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert; aculeus; Billthedrill; Ezekiel; Larry Lucido; Constitution Day; martin_fierro; ...
... rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out of the house ...

You could not make it up, even here in the back of beyond.

9 posted on 09/08/2008 12:18:09 AM PDT by dighton
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert
Three men and a sausage...


10 posted on 09/08/2008 12:18:48 AM PDT by endthematrix
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To: dighton

This is just hilarious. Can you imagine being the officer having to write up the report on this?


11 posted on 09/08/2008 12:38:05 AM PDT by milagro
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To: The Spirit Of Allegiance
All for pun and pun for all ping.

I hope he was hit with an 8 inch sausage and not something else.

12 posted on 09/08/2008 12:38:41 AM PDT by I Drive Too Fast
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert
Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime.

I'll bet the police grilled the suspect on this sausage caper.

13 posted on 09/08/2008 12:42:55 AM PDT by 6SJ7
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To: milagro

Possible material for a SNL skit, spoofing one of the CSI shows.


14 posted on 09/08/2008 12:45:08 AM PDT by milagro
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To: milagro
Just how DRUNK does one have to get to be able to perform in this theatre?
Now if there were a cauldron of boiling water in the background, this would all be perfectly sensible.
15 posted on 09/08/2008 12:46:44 AM PDT by xrmusn ( True gun control is hitting what you aim at.)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert; Alex Murphy; Larry Lucido
Perhaps an underling of the grounds keeper ate it?
16 posted on 09/08/2008 12:49:18 AM PDT by Gamecock
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To: dighton; Hetty_Fauxvert; aculeus; Billthedrill; Lijahsbubbe; Larry Lucido; Constitution Day; ...
A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage

He must have been casing the joint. Wurst caper ever.

17 posted on 09/08/2008 12:53:47 AM PDT by Ezekiel (Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.)
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To: Ezekiel

Mr. Burglar, America is dying to know, do you prefer spicy or mild?


18 posted on 09/08/2008 1:21:41 AM PDT by endthematrix
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To: Ezekiel

Maybe his children are brats.


19 posted on 09/08/2008 2:43:13 AM PDT by SteelCurtain_SSN720 (If you pass the rabid child, say "hammer down" for me)
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To: SteelCurtain_SSN720; dighton; aculeus; Lijahsbubbe; null and void; DainBramage
Maybe his children are brats.

Ding Ding Ding!

We have a wiener!

20 posted on 09/08/2008 2:59:23 AM PDT by Ezekiel (Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.)
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To: Ezekiel

Boy or Grill?


21 posted on 09/08/2008 3:00:43 AM PDT by DainBramage
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert

“A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men “

Wet or dry?


22 posted on 09/08/2008 3:22:06 AM PDT by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert

“Go, meat!”


23 posted on 09/08/2008 3:25:57 AM PDT by RichInOC (No! BAD Rich! (What'd I say?))
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert

Someone stole the kishka
Someone stole the kishka
Who stole the kishka,
from the butcher’s shop?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Someone call the cops!

Fat and round and firmly packed
It was hanging on the rack
Someone stole the kishka
When I turned my back
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/x3X ]
Someone bring it back!
Someone stole the kishka
Someone stole the kishka
Who stole the kishka,
from the butcher shop?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Who stole the kishka?
Someone call the cops!
Yusef found the kishka
Yusef found the kishka
Yusef found the kishka
And he hung it on the rack.
He found the kishka
He found the kishka
He found the kishka
Yusef brought it back
Heeeeeyyyyyyyy
Hey!
huh-huh-huh-huh


24 posted on 09/08/2008 3:28:23 AM PDT by Dr. Bogus Pachysandra ("Don't touch that thing")
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert
Burrimond said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog. "That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said. "I tell you, this was one weird case."

Wonder if the city will sue me for selling dangerous unregistered weapons now?

25 posted on 09/08/2008 3:36:16 AM PDT by sausageseller (http://coolblue.typepad.com/the_cool_blue_blog/)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert

and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head

Knockwurst. Hadda be a knockwurst.


26 posted on 09/08/2008 4:03:38 AM PDT by saganite (Obama is a political STD)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick

Oh, man, it’s too early for this crap, LOL...


27 posted on 09/08/2008 4:05:00 AM PDT by Andonius_99 (There are two sides to every issue. One is right, the other is wrong; but the middle is always evil.)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert

They only mention the sausage because he hid the salami.


28 posted on 09/08/2008 4:49:23 AM PDT by Rebelbase (STOP Democrat Misogyny!)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert; Larry Lucido; Gamecock
And here I thought this was going to be a thread about Abe Frohman, the Sausage King of Chicago. You know...blue jeans, white T-shirt, brown hair, stunningly handsome.


29 posted on 09/08/2008 6:25:18 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (What can I say? It's a gift. And I didn't get a receipt, so I can't exchange it.)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert; aculeus; Charles Henrickson; dead; dighton; Ezekiel; Lazamataz; mikrofon; ...
"I tell you, this was one weird case."

He never sausage a thing.

30 posted on 09/08/2008 6:41:57 AM PDT by martin_fierro (I only steal from the best)
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To: martin_fierro

Of all the puns on this thread, yours is the wiener.


31 posted on 09/08/2008 6:43:49 AM PDT by Petronski (Zero-bama. All this time we thought it was an "O" but, nope, it's just a "0".)
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To: dighton
At least the perp didn't attempt to hide the sausage.
32 posted on 09/08/2008 6:45:21 AM PDT by Petronski (Zero-bama. All this time we thought it was an "O" but, nope, it's just a "0".)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert

Here's the police lineup of the potential perps.

33 posted on 09/08/2008 6:48:34 AM PDT by dfwgator
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To: Andonius_99; Owl_Eagle; Sam's Army; Darksheare; pissant; najida; r-q-tek86; blackie; ...
"Oh, man, it’s too early for this crap, LOL..."

Thanks......I have not even had coffee yet. Time to run to the cafeteria and get some....

THE JOKES JUST WRITE THEMSELVES SOMETIMES.....PING!!!

34 posted on 09/08/2008 6:59:01 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (Some days it is not worth chewing through the restraints.)
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To: martin_fierro; Hetty_Fauxvert; Charles Henrickson
A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms

Obviously an out-of-stater, probably Oreganoian...

35 posted on 09/08/2008 7:40:53 AM PDT by mikrofon (Kielbasa .... KIEL, KIEL!)
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To: Hugin
I do remember a woman who killed her hubby with a frozen salmon.

Hmmmmm.

Do I go with Douglas Adams and make a reference to A Salmon of Doubt, or do I stick with Monty Python, and assert that "Wait a minute, I didn't have the salmon loaf!"

36 posted on 09/08/2008 8:29:38 AM PDT by null and void (When you bang your forehead on the ground five times a day, it damages your brain.)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert
rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face

Folks in Fresno seem weird... I think I'll keep going down I-5...

37 posted on 09/08/2008 8:44:53 AM PDT by John123 (Obambi said that he has been in 57 states. I will now light myself on fire...)
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To: Alex Murphy; Abe Froman

Ping. (Alex, we have Abe Froman as a FReeper.)


38 posted on 09/08/2008 10:24:20 AM PDT by buccaneer81 (Bob Taft has soiled the family name for the next century.)
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To: ViLaLuz

Maybe the burglar thought he was a Merry Nade.


39 posted on 09/08/2008 10:28:29 AM PDT by Cvengr (Adversity in life and death is inevitable. Thru faith in Christ, stress is optional.)
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To: Hetty_Fauxvert
"Hide the salami!"


40 posted on 09/08/2008 10:31:33 AM PDT by maggief (Difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull ... lipstick!)
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To: Dr. Bogus Pachysandra

“Yusef found the kishka
And he hung it on the rack.”

He “found” it. A likely story.


41 posted on 09/08/2008 11:38:20 AM PDT by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
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To: dighton

It’s only Monday, and I think this thread has great potential to be the best of the week.


42 posted on 09/08/2008 12:15:42 PM PDT by Constitution Day
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To: Ezekiel
Maybe his children are brats.

I always read it that way whenever I see a package! LOL.

43 posted on 09/08/2008 10:11:26 PM PDT by Lijahsbubbe
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To: Tijeras_Slim

It’s twue!


44 posted on 09/09/2008 11:21:36 AM PDT by Constitution Day
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To: Slings and Arrows

“Have you seen my weiner?”


45 posted on 09/10/2008 5:59:08 PM PDT by Grizzled Bear ("Does not play well with others.")
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To: Grizzled Bear; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ...
The wurst is yet to come.


46 posted on 09/10/2008 7:49:40 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (~ ~ FREE LAZAMATAZ! ~ ~ [Shipping and handling charges may apply.])
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To: Slings and Arrows

47 posted on 09/11/2008 8:33:08 AM PDT by Lady Jag (Donate to FR anytime at https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
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To: Rebelbase
They only mention the sausage because he hid the salami. Would that be in casing or au naturale?
48 posted on 09/11/2008 10:08:46 AM PDT by Titan Magroyne ("Drill now drill hard drill often and give old Gaia a cigarette afterwards she deserves it." HerrBlu)
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To: Constitution Day
It’s twue!Blazing Saddles - great movie - is the answer to everything!
49 posted on 09/11/2008 10:16:42 AM PDT by Titan Magroyne ("Drill now drill hard drill often and give old Gaia a cigarette afterwards she deserves it." HerrBlu)
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To: Titan Magroyne; Governor William J. LePetomane; Hedley Lamarr
Blazing Saddles - great movie - is the answer to everything!

It's my favorite movie of all time. Period.

HARRUMPH!

50 posted on 09/11/2008 10:20:44 AM PDT by Constitution Day
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