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Eric Holder Takes $77 Million Job With JPMorgan Chase
the daily currant ^ | 9/26/14 | staff

Posted on 09/28/2014 1:09:28 PM PDT by Nachum

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To: Nachum

I think this Jamie Dimon has already been in hot water legally a few months ago. I believe he was fined a few Million for some presumed indiscretion. I guess the only way to keep that ‘few million’ from become ‘a couple Billion’ is to play ball, and present Holder with a gift wrapped, no-show job, sort of like what Moochelle had before she became the ;The First Lady with the big arms’.


21 posted on 09/28/2014 1:21:00 PM PDT by lee martell
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To: Nachum; Admin Moderator

This looks to be satire. You may want to put that in brackets in the title or move it to the Humor threads. :)


22 posted on 09/28/2014 1:21:28 PM PDT by SoFloFreeper
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To: SoFloFreeper

Fine-just make sure he stays away.


23 posted on 09/28/2014 1:22:37 PM PDT by DIRTYSECRET (urope. Why do they put up with this.)
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To: Nachum

That’s 770 $100,000.00 a year jobs. That’s 1540 $50,000.00 a year jobs.

Blacks, be on the lookout for rich white guys keeping you down.

LMAO


24 posted on 09/28/2014 1:22:55 PM PDT by DoughtyOne (Obama and the Left are maggots feeding off the flesh of the United States.)
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To: lee martell

Yet another De Facto Revelation; this is SATIRE, as shown in a point 0000.2 pica typeface.


25 posted on 09/28/2014 1:24:02 PM PDT by lee martell
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To: Nachum

The sorry thing is this is so believable.


26 posted on 09/28/2014 1:24:25 PM PDT by Aria ( 2008 & 2012 weren't elections - they were coups d’état .)
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To: Nachum

I really can’t believe this Rotten S.O.B. is going to earn his Living where I do my banking.. It may not be much but I’ll change my banking habits

Mr. Dimon must be as crooked as this viper he hired,


27 posted on 09/28/2014 1:24:45 PM PDT by chatham
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To: DoughtyOne

Political paybacks like this should be illegal


28 posted on 09/28/2014 1:25:03 PM PDT by GeronL (Vote for Conservatives not for Republicans)
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To: Nachum
In case you were wondering who really runs the show

When he does land on his next pile of poop, It will be interesting to see who his paymasters have been.

29 posted on 09/28/2014 1:25:06 PM PDT by Stentor (Maybe the Goldman Sachs thing is just a coincidence. /S)
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To: mrsmel

You mean such as “fetching morning coffee”?


30 posted on 09/28/2014 1:25:08 PM PDT by Michael.SF. (It takes a gun to feed a village,)
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To: DoughtyOne

It’s a million $77.00 a year jobs!


31 posted on 09/28/2014 1:25:11 PM PDT by ROCKLOBSTER (Celebrate "Republicans Freed the Slaves" Month.)
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To: Aria

yes it is very believable


32 posted on 09/28/2014 1:26:05 PM PDT by GeronL (Vote for Conservatives not for Republicans)
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To: SoFloFreeper

Scandalous... crime and corruption pay well


33 posted on 09/28/2014 1:26:18 PM PDT by Dqban22
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To: Nachum

dumping jp..oops already have


34 posted on 09/28/2014 1:26:33 PM PDT by dalebert
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To: Nachum

These are tough days for satire detection. All levels of absurdity are plausible, and can be reasonably expected.


35 posted on 09/28/2014 1:27:56 PM PDT by WhistlingPastTheGraveyard (The greatest trick the Soviets ever pulled was convincing the world they didn't exist.)
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To: Michael.SF.

Yep, for one.


36 posted on 09/28/2014 1:29:22 PM PDT by mrsmel (One Who Can See)
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To: Nachum

Who says crime doesn’t pay?


37 posted on 09/28/2014 1:30:49 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose o f a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped.)
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To: Nachum

JPMorgan agrees to $13 billion mortgage settlement
November 19, 2013

JPMorgan has agreed to a $13 billion settlement over mortgage-backed securities sold ahead of the financial crisis, officials announced Tuesday.

The Justice Department called the agreement “the largest settlement with a single entity in American history.”

“Without a doubt, the conduct uncovered in this investigation helped sow the seeds of the mortgage meltdown,” Attorney General Eric Holder said in a statement.
As part of the agreement, JPMorgan admitted to making “serious misrepresentations” to investors in mortgage-backed securities, the Justice Department said.

Bank executives were at pains to emphasize that they had not admitted to any specific violation of the law during a conference call with analysts Tuesday. Such an admission would provide ammunition for private lawsuits.

JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon said in a statement the firm was “pleased to have concluded this extensive agreement.”

The case is the latest in a series of legal headaches for JPMorgan, the country’s largest bank by assets.

Last week, JPMorgan announced a $4.5 billion settlement with institutional investors who suffered losses on bubble-era mortgage securities. The firm has paid over $1 billion in fines in connection with last year’s “London Whale” trading debacle, and $80 million more over alleged unfair credit card billing practices.

In July, the bank agreed to pay $410 million to settle charges that it manipulated electricity prices in California and the Midwest. It is also facing scrutiny over its hiring practices in China and its alleged involvement in the Libor rate-fixing scandal.

JPMorgan posted a loss for the third quarter based on its massive legal expenses. Dimon called the loss “painful” and warned that litigation costs could continue to be a drag on earnings for several quarters.

The bank said at the time that it was holding $23 billion in reserve for potential litigation expenses, but that its legal costs could be nearly $6 billion more than that in a worst-case scenario.

While JPMorgan is shelling out a staggering amount of money, the bank is large enough to absorb the costs. It booked $21.3 billion in net income for 2012, and has assets of $2.5 trillion.


38 posted on 09/28/2014 1:31:41 PM PDT by tired&retired
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To: Parley Baer

“I looked for the satire tag but did not see one.”
****************************************************************

With the Obama regime and its minions, it has become darn near impossible to distinguish between satire and their actions.


39 posted on 09/28/2014 1:31:59 PM PDT by House Atreides (ANOTHER CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN FOR CHILDERS 2014 .... Don't reward bad GOPe behavior.)
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To: mrsmel

“Yep. There were lines in the article which were dead giveaways.”

Yes, the satire is quote obvious to an astute reader.


40 posted on 09/28/2014 1:32:09 PM PDT by Oliviaforever
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