Survey finds 10 partners before marriage 'normal'

Drudge ^ | 10th December 2001 | Ananova

[Don Myers]

Survey finds 10 partners before marriage 'normal'

The majority of young people think it is normal for a person to have at least 10 sexual partners before marriage.

A survey has also found that three in 10 believe it is acceptable for a girl to lose her virginity before the age of 15.

Research carried out by Brook, the youth sex advisory service, says there is a "cultural change" in young people's attitudes towards sex.

Some 64% of men and 54% of women agreed that it was acceptable for a person to sleep with more than 10 partners before getting married.

But the survey, which questioned people aged 17 to 25, also showed that they wanted more information about sex and contraception.

Men admitted to getting most of their knowledge about contraception from TV and magazines, while women learned the most from magazines and their mothers.

Half of all the young women surveyed said they wished that teachers had supplied them with more information about preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Brook chief executive Jan Barlow said: "Young people have an increasing number of sexual partners and they are saying that's OK.

"But at the same time they don't have the information and access to services that they need.

"Young people must seek out advice and information in order to make their choices and to understand how to protect themselves both against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases."

[Skywalk]

A trend I've started to notice is "church-girls" or "moral virgins" who finally have had enough. I was surprised by one of my friends who visited me in the summer. She finally had sex with her bf, but I was shocked. I swore she'd stay virginal until marriage.

I think the virgin thing works best when the average marriage age is 15-20, but that just isn't the case anymore. Expecting a 26 year old man to keep waiting, and MAYBE he'll find someone isn't realistic.

That doesn't mean that some control on the part of both men and women isn't needed.

[FreedomFriend]

Jeff, I commend you, and I agree with you whole-heartedly. What we are now witnessing is the destruction of our society. The free sex perversity that grew out of the 1960s free sex era is leading us to the pit. As a result, there are more dysfunctional marriages, more divorces, more single parent homes, more homosexuality, less children, more socialized welfare programs, higher taxes, and less morality, even in the schools of whom is beginning to advocate homosexuality as a legitimate lifestyle, as well as the dispersing of condoms to, as they say, prevent unwanted pregnancies. It's a crock. Sometimes I wonder if the so-called "adults" that advocate these policies ever grew up, or are they adolescents at heart.

[Economist_MA]

I am talking about serious men, those who want a lasting relationship.

I am talking about wimps who are afraid of being compared to previous lovers, and who don't realize that sex is a skill which needs to be learned. It differs from other skills that love and affection are the most important ingredients, but anyone who claims that the purely technical aspects of it don't need to be learned doesn't know them.

[Don Myers]

"Yeah, and she might actually buy that it is ok that he doesn't like to go down."

Bella, you have your expectations or likes and dislikes in men. That is fine. But to say that men who like something other than a "well-seasoned woman" as a mate has a problem with self-confidence is way out in left field. You may be bitter or disillusioned with those men, but your assumptions seem bitter and callous.

[Don Myers]

"10 partners before marriage? No wonder I feel cheated......."

If it gets really bad, you can always make up for lost time, I suppose. You would find plenty of partners out there.

[technochick99]

I think the virgin thing works best when the average marriage age is 15-20, but that just isn't the case anymore. Expecting a 26 year old man to keep waiting, and MAYBE he'll find someone isn't realistic.

And what about for those who think they may never marry? I wasn't looking for marriage at all, and I surely wasn't going to stay chaste.

I think that it's important to keep in mind that liberal tarts can eventually grow up to be conservatives!

[Chemnitz]

I think it is a bit of a reach to say that church people are just the same. Of course, it depends. When I worked at a pro-life counselling center I often saw people from a wild Pentecostal church. The minister is often on TV. He was famous for beating up a painter who tried to collect on a bill. (Why didn't I think of that with bill collectors?)

Church people also commit adultery. I'm sure that a percentage are homosexuals or lesbians. However, a friend who works at an auto plant says that the normal goings on that he hears about (and would rather not) are really out of hand.

I don't think one can get a true scientific picture, but I do believe that people are better when there are established, accepted norms. Once marriage was the norm and a guy better get married before the nice girls were all taken. A lot of people jumped the gun but they were expected to marry to give a home to a baby. Now a million of these babies are given a home in the sewer each year.

The problem is that the norms have collapsed in churches and in society. Clinton pushed things over the edge. Also, homosexual activists have de-sensitized people by getting everyone to talk about stuff that used to be whispered. I will never forget an older grandmother talking about the newest ELCA sex study. Later I told my wife I never expected old ladies to say those things in polite company.

So I don't think churches are just the same. It may be an excuse to join in the general lawlessness of the day to think that way. Anyway, the Gospel is for sinners, both for repentance and forgiveness.

[Economist_MA]

That doesn't mean that some control on the part of both men and women isn't needed.

Shouldn't this be the real point of the discussion? Lots of people on these threads make it sound as if the only two choices were total abstinence and gang-banging at age 14. There is something like a golden middle, even though everyone may define it somewhat differently.

[apackof2]

"Young people must seek out advice and information in order to make their choices and to understand how to
protect themselves both against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases."

Its called abstinence, self-control, moral conviction and spiritual absolutes

[FreedomFriend]

Well, you did. However, I'm curious as to how long you have been married. I, myself, know that I've kept the bulk of my "mate-watching" to singles departments and clubs in the churches. There is a big risk, given this day and time, to concentrate your efforts out in the "world". I'm not saying that I don't look outside of the churches, but I rather choose not to make it the area that I focus on.

[Don Myers]

"Do you make it clear that the fling was "sex only," afterwards or before?"

Well, the guys can always have the woman sign a letter stating the guy is not responsible for any emotional or financial considerations following the sex act. Of course, signing the letter might kill the moment, but what the heck. It is only a momentary fling so it is only right to make sure that all parties understand the rules of the game. And I wouldn't put it past many guys to try it.

[Bella_Bru]

Don, I am just saying that I have known a few women who were virgins when they married. Some of them when discussing sex were shocked that they were not getting what the rest of us were. They had no idea what they wewre missing sexually from their mates. I'm not saying all men are insensitive lovers, but I do believe that some of the virgin seekers are looking for an easy time in bed.

[Economist_MA]

When we men fall in love, we are complete idiots.

Yes Sir! Been there, done that, and it hurt.

[Don Myers]

"Good sex also leaves you sweaty, out of breath, and the neighbors pounding on the door."

When you have sex, the wolves in the forest must start howling, and the birds start flying for miles around.

[ValerieUSA]

So a woman who exercises self-control and doesn't rush into a sexual relationship right away, but gets to know a guy for a year or so first, marries him, and then lets loose on her wedding night is a real catch, eh? No confusion then.... Nobody risks being a cad or being hurt by a cad.

[rintense]

You aren't the only one, OM. This old fashioned gal believes in love, and in being in love before sharing all that passion.

[Bella_Bru]

Well, the lady who used to live downstairs used to pound on the ceiling. I took it as a sign that we should be louder.

[Aedammair]

I think that it's important to keep in mind that liberal tarts can eventually grow up to be conservatives!

Ding, ding!!! I think you've got something there; not that I would have any personal knowledge mind you, just familiarity with the theory, don't you know.

[Skywalk]

I agree with Don's criticsm of some of what you're saying. It's not that I want a virgin, so that I can have some "pleasure" in deflowering her, or that I want someone who doesn't have a basis in comparison.

Case in point, my relationship with my "first" was well over two years in duration. During that time, we did 'everything but' for several months. It didn't take long, but we grew very experienced together. In fact, she was so loud she had to keep a pillow at hand to cover her mouth. We experimented, and overall, it was probably my best sexual partnership. I never refused to do anything, and my stamina was never an issue, nor were multiple "engagements." I'm hardly concerned about what a woman thinks of my performance, when my heart is in it, I'm confident of my abilities.

I think what you are overlooking is that men are naturally jealous when it comes to sexual matters. It's not that we want "virgin" territory, but that the baggage that I've seen with EVERY woman since my first, might be reduced. I've yet to have a lasting relationship since my first, and not because I have met horribly ill-matched women. IN the final analysis, it seems that perhaps much of the baggage or issues that people carry with them, are the result of sexual dalliances gone bad. Often this is an emotional thing, but when you join that with the physical, the outcome is more significant.