Posted on 03/03/2002 7:14:02 PM PST by Hacksaw
I apologize for this topic, and it is not an opus (although I am sure there are some who wish it was :) ).
I have finally realized while I am so angry much of the time. When I was a young kid, we had a bully in the neighborhood. No big deal - everyone has had to put up with a jerk.. But this guy molested me. We are both adults now, but I have never got over this. I have never really been honest with myself about what happened, and maybe it is why I get in such a blind rage at times.
It is almost if I forgot what happened. I am seriously considering looking this guy up so he can face me on equal terms now. I would like to send him straight to Hell.
I am posting this because I know there are other Freepers who have similar experiences, and would like to know how to resolve them. I do not want to be angry all the time. I am really a nice guy (true - a bit of an "A"-hole, but I wouldn't have it any other way :) )
Wishing you peace, my friend!
You can also get online and look for police text books, particulary Homicide 101. It's good to know these things (what the cops look for) and facinating reading....
Of course the best revenge is DOING WELL. Move on and let what comes around go around....but in the meantime, get educated.
The fact of the matter is that I know where I can find the guy. I have a fantasy of showing up with a black ski mask and pounding him into a bloody pulp for the terror he put me through. But I would probably be put in jail - the limitations have probably expired long ago. What is amazing to me is how I tried to ignore what he did to me for so long.
This is a common trait in people who have been abused. You are entitled to the anger, just do not do something that will make your situation worse. Please, find a professional that you can talk to. It does help. I know from personal experience.
(That's why I am writing a novel.)
I've taken the advice from some of the posters. I am first going to do some net snooping and find out if he has had any "incidents" that got him a record. Heck, maybe even he was molested. But that will not prevent me from pulling a "Ray Mancini" on him.
If so then go to the cops or maybe talk to a lawyer.
Even if they don't go to jail, it will get the issue out in the open and anyone else who was harmed will come forward.
If not, then it's up to you. we are supposed to forgive, but that's just about impossible sometimes.
For example, what were your respective ages when this occured?
What is the nature of the molesting-- Was it a criminal act or more in the realm of harassment and bullying?
If it was a criminal act, then chances are that he did not stop with you. In such case, I'd get a private detective and do what is legal to see what sort of individual he is now.
Forget the "Hit Man" book, it's a bad idea unless you are willing to go to jail or willing to kill yourself right on the spot.
The reason is, if you do something like this, escape and nothing happens:
1) You sinned, real bad. God knows this.
2) In the even the LEO's arrest the wrong person for your crime (their "duh" factor can be very high, so it's a real possibility) then you WILL BE morally obligated to come forward and take responsibility for what you did and save an innocent person from jail.
Because even if the person you hurt was a real piece of filty, that doesn't let you off the hook as far as an innocent scapegoat is concerned.
That sounds easy, but think about doing it long after your crime has passed and you are leading a pleasant life.
You will suddenly be faced with horrific jail time or the knowledge that an innocent is doing time for YOUR crime.
It involves a broomstick and my butt. And that might account for my case of hems :)
If you want more personalized input, feel free to email me privately.
Journaling helps. It can also help to picture the person you are angry at--IF THEY ARE REALLY DORKY ETC--sitting naked on the toilet in the middle of a busy intersection--or some such. It can help to remind yourself of your own flaws.
In short, unforgiveness robs you of your own peace and does not real damage to them. Avoid giving them the power to control your emotions. Cut the puppet strings they have to your emotions.
LET IT GO, RELEASE IT. Do something active about what you can do something about . . . your own emotions and what you focus your thinking and mind on.
If you catch yourself dwelling on them etc. . . yell STOP to yourself--even out loud if you need to. You may need to initially virtually every other min. But keep at it. It tapers off fairly rapidly.
Anger is hazardous to your heart as well as your relationships.
THE BEST TO YOU AND THOSE YOU LOVE,
But actually, the let her rip philosophy tends to wind things up. It's better to be rational and redemptive in your wording and tone. You'll feel better about yourself and be a stature above what he was when you got so angry.
Keep us updated.
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