The Republic of Cascadia Sasquatch Militia

Republic of Cascadia ^

[lowbridge]

The Republic of Cascadia Sasquatch Militia Operating under the aegis of the Bureau of Sasquatch Affairs & the Cascadian Defense Department "From The Forests We Will Fight!"

Join the Sasquatch Militia...

Sasquatch: The might of Cascadia is in your arms!

Are you an able-bodied Sasquatch aged 10 to 150 who loves his or her country? If so, The Republic of Cascadia needs YOU to enlist in the Sasquatch Militia and defend our homeland against our many enemies, including such nefarious evildoers as:

Canadians Southern Californians Geoduck & Tree Octopus Poachers Paraterrestrials

Americans International Organized Crime Syndicates Nosey Cryptozoologists

Besides serving your country, you will also be improving yourself. Sasquatch Militia will teach you many valuable skills that today's employers are looking for in Sasquatch. You will gain a sense of determination and confidence that will help you succeed. And you will also experience compatriotship with your fellow Sasquatch as you work together to secure the freedom of the Republic of Cascadia.

The Republic of Cascadia needs you now, more than ever, in these trying times. Do your part for your nation and don't let another Sasquatch take your place in the ranks of the Sasquatch Militia. Enlistment stations can be found throughout Cascadia's forests, just look for the poster of Uncle Sas.

What You Will Learn...

The Cascadian Sasquatch Militia is the most advanced hominoid fighting force in the Western hemisphere (second in the World only to our Tibetan ally, the Yeti Liberation Army). Militia members are highly trained in combat, survival, and organizational skills. When you enlist, we will make you into an army of one Sasquatch, able to take on any challenge that faces you.

Your extensive combat training will include:

Cliff invaders, beware! Cascadian Boulder throwers shower rocky death from above.

Stomping

Learn to use your feet to squash your foe or his equipment. A basic skill needed by all Sasquatch Militia stomptroopers.

Boulder Throwing

Take out the enemy safely from the top of cliffs. Boulder troops are the first line of defense of the Sasquatch Militia and we'll teach you how to become one.

Log Swinging

Close combat against a number of foes? They'll be no match for the blunt force of a swinging log. Learn how to choose and uproot dead trees, and proper swinging techniques to avoid back injuries.

Delimbing

Pulling your enemy's limbs from their sockets may sound cruel, but they would do it to you with no hesitation if they had your might. Learn the best way to do it quickly and efficiently for a minimal amount of suffering.

Salmon Wielding

The salmon: tasty as a snack but, when in trained Sasquatch hands, deadly as a weapon. Salmon wielders are the silent assassins of Cascadia - waiting, hidden along trails, to take out enemies swiftly and silently.

Inducing Fear with Howls

Psychological warfare techniques that any Sasquatch can master. The enemy will be mentally defeated before they ever set eyes on you. You will also learn Code Howling for use in secure military communications.

Ancient Yeti Martial Arts

You will be instructed in a number of techniques by Migoi Masters from our allies in Bhutan. Learn why the two most dangerous weapons that a Sasquatch can have are his body and mind.

In addition to combat training, you will be taught essential survival skills, including:

17 Sasquatch Militia salmon wielders are hidden on this trail. Can you see them? No, you can't and neither can humans.

Urban & Suburban Food Acquisition

Your native Sasquatch foraging skills will be enhanced with training on finding food in human habitats. Learn where humans keep edibles (mini-marts, garbage cans, pet shelters, etc.), poisonous substances to avoid, and how to use "money" to trade for food. You will also go through Food Aversion Desensitization so you can take advantage of detestable but otherwise harmless human food (such as food that has been cooked or filled with preservatives).

Hiding from Humans

Learn how to avoid being the subject of a television special on the Fox Network through the complementary arts of camouflage and concealment. We'll teach you all the secrets to making yourself disappear completely before the enemy's eyes, not only in forest environments but also in human habitats.

How To Escape Capture

If captured in battle, human enemies may try to put you on public display in a zoo or even subject you to harmful medical tests. We will teach you first how to avoid capture but also what to do if you are captured, including methods of escape and your rights as a sentient Hominoid prisoner under International Law.

Your Equipment...

Besides training, you will also be equiped with all that you need to effectively defend Cascadia:

Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies will protect you from psychotronic warfare. Learn more about this important combat gear.

Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie

Blocks psychotronic mind-control rays used by our enemies.

Bark Armor

Light-weight armor that can be augmented with readily available supplies. Not effective against human firearms, but it doesn't need to be since Sasquatch Militia will teach you how to attack smart and stealthily.

Moss Camouflage Coat

Makes you undetectable in rainforest warfare and provides you with valuable "pockets" (the use of these will be explained during basic training).

Backwards Footprint Sandals

Confuse cryptozoologist trackers working for our enemies. Imported from South America where they are used by the secretive Curupira hominoids of Brazil.

Power Crystal

Reflects the sun to daze the enemy or for signaling. Can also be used to scare superstitious New Age Southern Californians into retreating by holding aloft and making fake chanting noises.

ORE Rations

ORE (Octopus Ready to Eat) rations are nutritionally balanced octopus-based bars for use when other foods aren't available and designed to keep you growling, not your stomach.

[lowbridge]

Join Today! :-)

http://zapatopi.net/bsa/militia.html

[lowbridge]

bump

[FreedomPoster]

Of course, that domain, zapatopi.net, is better-known around here for their invaluable AFDB instructions.

Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie Home Page

[lowbridge]

Of course, that domain, zapatopi.net, is better-known around here for their invaluable AFDB instructions.

Of course. :-) Where would we be without our aluminum beanies? :-)

[FreedomPoster]

To answer your rhetorical question, totally mind controlled by the Federal Goobermint/Bilderburgers/Trilateral Commission/(your bugaboo group here).

[B Knotts]

ROFL

I think there are some members of that organization who post here.

[sasquatch]

Finally.

[glock rocks]

i did not touch that geoduck. i didn't dig down four feet to pull that monster out,
and i most certainly did not take him home to become a delicious chowder.

[Cascadians]

Hey! Sshhhhhhhhhhhh! It's not time yet to decloak!

[WIMom]

A Tribute to Freepers - Summer Freepathon!


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Let's have some fun!

Hurry before they bring out the Cheerleaders!

[Free the USA]

fyi

[Libertina]

I believe some relatives of Uncle Sas used to live in Spokane right down my street! As to their militia activites, I couldn't say, though one used brag about his delicious Granny Gun Powder biscuits! :) (And I never did hear him say one good word about the "Federal Goobermint.")

[Ipberg]

Let's petition my provincial government to rename my Canadian province of Saskatchewan to "Sasquatchewan".

We need the tourist dollars, badly.

[TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig]

This org. was started by the feds to smoke out all extremist right wing militia type sasquatch. I'm not falling for it.

Do you think I'm as dumb as those clowns at Elohim City?

[Dog Gone]

This isn't a laughing matter. I've been whacked with a salmon on a hike near Mt. Shasta when I wasn't expecting it, and it really stung.

[tet68]

Do you think I'm as dumb as those clowns at Elohim City?

Oh no! Don't tell me they've infiltrated our circus's too!

[BlueLancer]

Cavalry volunteers are required to provide their own mounts and equipment.

They are also encouraged to provide a series of remounts.

[HangFire]

Sasquatch Militia?!?!

BWAHAHA!!!

ROTFLMAO!