Posted on 07/17/2002 2:06:41 PM PDT by rhema
Edited on 04/13/2004 3:36:45 AM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]
Stick to a belief. You are all over the place here.
I got the impression that it was their lifelong singleness that made them bitter, since that was all they ever wanted to gripe about in the singles group (which was for people of all ages).
I think that cohabitation and sex before marriage is necessary to make sure that you are indeed compatible and will be happy together before you take the step of getting married to have children. Marriage is for the financial and emotional security of children, if you are NOT going to have children, then marriage is not necessary.
Sounds like it's time to let one of those antediluvian Christian types weigh in on the subject. No, it's not yours truly (although I'd qualify); it's Chuck Colson, who with Nancy Pearcey authored the book How Now Shall We Live?
Colson makes two points that are germane to this particular thread:
(1) [Judeo-Christian] Morality, says Colson, is not merely an arbitrary constraint on individual choice but a protection against social disintegration. Even a confirmed secularist like Guenter Levy, who started out to write a book defending secularism, wound up arguing (in Why America Needs Religion) that many empirical studies are showing that belief in God (and adherence to scriptural principles, not mere profession of them) makes people happier and more fulfilled. Colson's book cites data from many of the medical studies that "are confirming that shose who attend church regularly and act consistently with their faith are better off, both physically and mentally."
(2) When it comes to marriage, divorce, cohabitation and the like, Colson says the Christian church has often been part of the problem: "In fact, three-quarters of all weddings are blessed in a church or synagogue, which means churches are implicated in the nation's staggering divorce rate."
Colson (with Mike McManus of MarriageSavers.org) discusses five areas in which churches need to be proactive [and predictably, they'll be accused of Victorian prudery and benighted naivete when and if they are]:
1. Smart Dating. Colson writes, ". . .the church must begin by helping dating couples, and the first message they need to hear is that if you want a good marriage, avoid premarital sexual relations. The National Survey of Family Growth found that women who were not virgins when they got married have a 71 percent higher divorce rate."
2. Trial is Error. Colson writes, "About 90 percent of the couples who live together say they want to get married, but the National Survey of Families and Households found that almost half break up before signing a marriage license. Those who do marry are 50 percent more likely to divorce [than those who didn't live together before marriage]."
3. Engaging Couples.Colson recommends that churches get on board with programs like PREPARE (Premarital Personal and Relationship Evaluation), which helps couples identify their strengths and weaknesses so they can iron out major conflicts before marriage. "Another effective program is Engaged Encounter, an intensive weekend program that teaches couples how to relate more effectively." Mrs. Rhema and I -- married 26 years this June -- went to an Engaged Encounter.
4. Wedding Shock. Colson says that many divorces trace back to habits established in early years, after the romantic attachment wears off. Citing the church tradition (in Deuteronomy 24) of exempting a newly married man from military and other duties for a year as precedent that it's biblical for churches to protect and nurture young couples, Colson mentions programs like ENRICH, which helps fledgling couples inventory their strengths and weaknesses, identifying key problem areas.
5. Divorce Insurance. Colson mentions a number of programs:
*Marriage Encounter, an intensive weekend retreat with a 90 percent success rate in strengthening marriages
*Retrouvaille, for seriously troubled marriages, which involves personal counseling by couples who themselves have worked through serious marriage problems. "Of the couples who have attended Retrouvaille, nearly half were already separated or divorced, yet 80 percent have reunited and stayed together."
*Marriage Savers, whose Community Marriage Policies program (in which many community churches agree together to require couples to undergo marriage preparation, take a premarital inventory, and meet with a mentor couple) has seen divorce rates plummet by 30 and 40 percent in the communities that have tried it. "By the end of 1998, a hundred cities had adopted Community Marriage Policies, and nine have been in place long enough to produce a measurable drop in the local divorce rate."
Colson summarizes: "Back in the 1970s, books touted divorce as liberation . . . But the moral tides are turning, and people are showing a growing concern for the social cost of family breakdown, reflected in titles such as The Case against Divorce (Diane Medved), Divorce Busting: A Revolutionary and Rapid Program for Staying Together (Michele Weiner-Davis) . . .There are even efforts under way to eliminate no-fault divorce, which gives all the legal power to those who walk away from their family commitments. . ."
(I'll revisit the thread later today or early tomorrow to check in on the interesting and impassioned disputations to Colson's arguments.)
16 posted on 7/17/02 5:05 PM Central by Aric2000
...Marriage is for the financial and emotional security of children, if you are NOT going to have children, then marriage is not necessary....
105 posted on 7/18/02 9:38 AM Central by Aric2000
Like I said before, marriage is for the security of children, nothing more. If a couple wishes to live together without getting married, because they are NOT having children, more power to them.
107 posted on 7/18/02 11:38 AM Central by Aric2000
Enough already. You say it any more often and you might even convince yourself that what you're saying is true.
All legislation enforces someone's beliefs. Because the great unwashed public resoundingly rejects their beliefs, liberals usually try to get the judiciary to legislate for them.
Other than having the panty sniffing police or the holy sexual inquisition break down my bedroom door with a warrant to search for sexual deviancy, I really could care less.
When the facts don't support you, try hyperbolic rhetoric? I thought FReepers eschewed debate-by-empty-slogan.
Guess I am just tired, sorry, go play with someone else.
What % of women were virgins until their wedding day?
What % of women were virgins until their wedding day?
You'd expect the percentage to be small, wouldn't you, after 30 years of postmodernist propaganda from feminists, the education establishment, and the media. The CDC's study (circa 1995) puts the overall number at 18%, but those figures vary from 29% (between 1965-74) to 11% (1990-95).
As Colson wrote, "The new scientific data [he was citing broader health studies than marriage alone] . . .shows clearly that if we ignore biblical principles, we end up living in ways that run against the grain of our being, and we pay a steep price in terms of stress, depression, family conflict, and even physical illness. Rather than being an arbitrary set of rules and restrictions that repress and distort our true nature, Christianity actually describes our true nature and shows us how to live in accord with it. And when we do, we enjoy the fruits of operating the way we were made to."
"Growing numbers of psychologists are finding religion, if not in their personal lives, at least in their data," reported the New York Times in Sept. 1991. "What was once, at best, an unfashionable topic in psychology has been born again as a respectable focus for scientific research." The data is showing that religion, far from being a mental illness, is actually beneficial to mental health, physical health, family strength, and social order.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.