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Humor break: Democrats protest mine rescue
Posted on 08/07/2002 6:03:45 PM PDT by Las Vegas Dave
*****NEWS FLASH*****
Washington, D.C.
A Senate Committee composed of Senators Daschle, Clinton, and Feinstein have announced that the rescue of the trapped Pennsylvania coal miners has been cancelled, and the miners will, by recommendation of the Committee, be placed back in the mine.
The Senators noted the following violations in the rescue process:
10. Heavy diesel equipment was moved to the rescue site without concern for possible air pollution.
9. Water was pumped out of the mine without first determining if it was polluted, and without providing an environmentally safe catchment area for the water.
8. Numerous holes were drilled in the ground during the rescue, without first performing an Environmental Impact study.
7. No effort was made to ensure racial, ethnic, and sexual diversity of the rescue workers.
6. The Governor of Pennsylvania was heard to say "Thank God!" during a live television broadcast of the rescue, thereby violating the separation of church and state.
5. Several people at this public, government-supported rescue mentioned praying.
4. The trapped miners did not represent a diversified cross section of American society.
3. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Hillary Clinton were not given sufficient time for photo ops and speech making at the site.
2. The Senate was not given sufficient time to determine whether or not any Republican officeholder owned stock in the coal company, thus being responsible for the conspiracy that caused the mine to flood.
1. No one credited Al Gore with the invention of mine rescues.
"Once a diversified group of miners has been chosen and placed back into the mine shaft, the holes will be sealed, the water will be returned to the mine, and the rescue will then be undertaken again, in an environmentally and politically correct manner," the Committee stated.
TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
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To: habs4ever
Oh, and I'll bet they didn't have an adequate number of parking places and restrooms for handicapped rescue workers.
21
posted on
08/07/2002 7:23:34 PM PDT
by
kayak
To: JZoback
I smell a lawsuit...
To: Las Vegas Dave; facedown
LOL! More humor!
To: Las Vegas Dave
And I'll bet a bunch of those nasty miners smoked, too.
To: Las Vegas Dave
18. The human transport cage was not tested to meet government rated crash tests. It also violated safety standards: it did not have seatbelts or airbags, and when turned sideways was excessively prone to rollover.
To: kayak
Did they have enough minorities working on the rescue crews? Transgendered, handicapped,Non- Caucasian...if not, they be in big trouble ;-)
To: All
Can anyone explain why drive up ATM's have Braille on the machines?
Just wondering
27
posted on
08/07/2002 7:47:03 PM PDT
by
JZoback
To: JZoback
When you find out the answer to that one, please let me know. I can think of absolutely no reason except the stupidity of PC.
28
posted on
08/07/2002 8:01:12 PM PDT
by
kayak
To: HighWheeler
19. Federal regulations require that anyone under ground for more than 24 hours is presumed legally dead regardless of their actual condition. As such, the rescue workers were guilty of violating grave robbing laws.
I know. A bit morbid but it's late.
To: JZoback
Re: Braille on ATMs
It gets even more idiotic.
Even if a blind person were to walk up to the machine to use it, they would still have no way of accessing the information on the screen....
To: kayak
When you find out the answer to that one, please let me know. I can think of absolutely no reason except the stupidity of PC.It must be for their seeing eye dog in the passenger seat. [:^)
31
posted on
08/07/2002 8:11:39 PM PDT
by
JZoback
To: HighWheeler
Even if a blind person were to walk up to the machine to use it, they would still have no way of accessing the information on the screen....That's right, I never took the next step in logic. Silly me.
Of course the blind person could always ask someone to help them "read" the screen..................Oh' but that would be stupid. They would not need the Braille.
Like I said in the previous post, it must be for their seeing eye dog in the passenger seat !!!
32
posted on
08/07/2002 8:16:28 PM PDT
by
JZoback
To: Las Vegas Dave
Haha, great list!
Did you write this?
To: RANDomScout
"19. Federal regulations require that anyone under ground for more than 24 hours is presumed legally dead regardless of their actual condition." Does that mean that anybody who lives in a tree for more than a week can be officially declared a bird?
To: JZoback
to funny I never thought of that
35
posted on
08/07/2002 8:21:30 PM PDT
by
ezo4
To: Las Vegas Dave
The best part is what the miners REALLY asked for as soon as communications were established...... food, dip and a case of BUDWEISER!
36
posted on
08/07/2002 8:39:47 PM PDT
by
TLI
To: HighWheeler
Maybe the braille reads, "Go away, you silly blind person".
37
posted on
08/07/2002 9:29:14 PM PDT
by
watchin
To: Las Vegas Dave; generalissimoduane
LOL from a former Clevelander (fellow N E Ohioan.)
Generalissimo, Ping to Mr. H- please.
To: HighWheeler
Even if a blind person were to walk up to the machine to use it, they would still have no way of accessing the information on the screen....That have changed, I noticed last week that the ATM machine at my local bank now has an earphone jack installed.
To: Las Vegas Dave
What about the endangered Abandoned Mine Lesser Blindfish?
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