[runningbear]

I debated on posting this, but I am having a hard time putting this into perspective of family members losing a love one unexpectedly. Here in this story, the young lad was my sister's youngest son. Sad to say she is devastated. It is not easy to loose a family member. I lost my dad at the age of 17, but I coped the best way I knew how at that young age. From a family of ten, we had each other and gave my mom the support for her to pull thru. That was back in the 1970's. Here in my sister's situation, she lost her first husband back in the early 1970's from agent orange(vietnam), and she swung back to that time when she got this news.
Now, for me to post this, my sister is due back from Maryland to San Diego area at the end of the week. I would hope I can find ways from those who had experiences to help me find ways to help her. Looking for tips, avenues to link to, to make sure she can make it thru this trying time of a parent losing a child first in life.

Gads, I am not sure if I am making any sense, but ???

[Temple Owl]

Oh you poor guy. I really can't offer any decent suggestions except to be there when she needs you. Hug her, run errands for her and let her know that you are there to help. I will pray for you and your family.

[RLK]

The only thing you can do is cry it out. Then you live with a grief for years. There's no easy or quick way to do it.

You'll find the older you get, the more people you will lose. Life becomes an accumulation of losses and grief.

[Amelia]

I have no answers, but prayers for your sister, you, and your family.

[vannrox]

.

Once, Einstein was asked by a reporter whether or not he believed in life after death. The reporter,assuming that the scientist would reply in the negative, was visibly shocked when Einstein said yes.

Einsten said, "Yes, I do believe in somekind of life after death".

So the reporter looked at him, and asked him..."Why?". How could he, a world famous physist believe in something that cannot be proven...

Einstein replied.

"...It's simple. In this universe nothing is ever destroyed. It only changes form."

.

[revivel]

I'm so very sorry. No great answers for you, but a year
ago I lost my husband very unexpectedly. So, from my experience only; Your sister will probably be in a state of shock for a while, she just won't function normally. I told friends that my brain just didnt work any more. Folks would ask me what they could do and I didn't know. The most helpful folks were the ones that would just stop over
and be there, they didn't have to say a word. Look around, does the floor need to be swept or etc? She won't know what to tell you to do, so just do what you can see needs to be done. Listen. There are no answers so just listen.
Pray, pray and pray some more. Just show up and invite her out to dinner. Don't ask ahead of time, she'll most likely say no. Trying to look back over the year, if I think of anything else, I'll be back. In the meantime, will keep you in my prayers. So very sorry for your loss.

[cricket]

I am so sorry that your family has to experience the pain of losing a 'son'.

So many times we read about tragedies and in a moment, our lives are back in the groove; the pain and suffering left to those who must bear it. Often wonder, as I remember these people, just how those family members, Mothers, Fathers, children, siblings and friends, have coped and survived.

Sorry I can offer you little comfort save to say that a person's Faith is probably and literally, the 'saving Grace' of survival; and then just the painful passage of time which will never erase the memory but will hopefully. . .gradually, ease the pain. . .somewhat.

My prayers for your sister, her son, for you, and all those whose lives will be diminished by this loss.

Life is pain and suffering. . .and from that point, we can more easily move on to accept the blessings.

[Alas Babylon!]

Runningbear, I'm not trying to pull your chain or shame you in any way, but you also lost your nephew. How are YOU doing?

[Thinkin' Gal]

KCJ, z"l

[Howlin]

Just listen to her. Talk to her. And talk about your nephew all the time. Her biggest fear is going to be that he's forgotten.

She'll never get over it. Make sure she has good friends around, especially anyone who has lost a child.

[Wild Irish Rogue]

My deepest condolences on your loss. Your sister is living through every parent's worst nightmare,I cannot imagine her anguish or yours. I can only echo the suggestions from previous posters on supporting your sister emotionally and physically for the long term. One practical idea on getting your sister to eat-she will probably be near catatonic from grief, is to offer her milkshakes. She may refuse to eat,but might be willing to sip. A friend of mine did that with a grieving relative-it was the only way to get nutrition into them.Again-my sympathy to you, during this very sad time.

[Think free or die]

What a good brother you must be. I'm sorry for your loss, and that borne by your whole family. It's a terrible thing to lose any loved one, and the loss of one with so much life ahead of him is especially tragic.

We lost five children before they were born. We never knew them, and we grieved for many years. I always had a great sadness for the loss of their futures, their life experiences and their joys. It wasn't just the loss of them from my own life that grieved me. Our children represent so many of our hopes for the future that their loss is crushing and seems desperately unfair.

During our darkest times, the most meaningful support was the presence of sympathetic friends who didn't mind tears. It isn't something that can be made to go away or soothed with magic words. A loving hug, a shoulder to cry on, sharing memories, remembering your sister on special family days or painful anniversaries - those are my suggestions.

My prayers go with you.

[IncPen]

It made sense to me. I'm very sorry for your family's loss...

[janetgreen]

Stay close to her, just be there. She is suffering every mother's nightmare. My prayers are with you all.

[OldFriend]

Just prayers and prayers and hugs and hugs and prayers some more. So very sorry.

[cowgirlcutie]

I'm so sorry to read of her and your loss. She has a good and loving brother in you and that in itself is a comfort. I pray that God comfort her, you and other family members and friends during this difficult time.

[vetvetdoug]

Listen to the folks here at the FR. Most here give excellent advice; wisdom and experience that one can't get from one source. I lost my beautiful lovely wife to depression and suicide almost a year ago and the FR vanity thread was the most helpful thing I got. One can only reaffirm their belief in God and talk to him nightly. Both of you need to grieve, look at what you both still have and cherish the memory of your nephew. God be with you.

[Thommas]

Dear Runningbear,

I empathize with you and your sister's grief. One has only to live a life time with a daughter, son, or spouse to feel the tonnage of agony when that person dies. Each situation is slightly different, but the result is the same - a ripping of the soul as a large part is torn from it. Memories of growth, experiences of shared pain and joy are locked in perpetual stasis as life continues without that very important person.

In perspective, at least the perspective I have garnered through tortured spasms of misery and flaming torents of tears, I keep in mind that my remaining days will be spent in accruing those further experiences and sensations that she will never chance upon and, upon my death, be there to relive them with her. Additionally, she can revel somewhat in the here and now as I live life as fully as possible, and she can glance upon my existence at her whim. I do the things I do for God's benefit as well as her's.

God's plan? We all die inevitably. The manner and time is as varigate as the snowflakes from the sky. God loves us for the spectacle we provide. When the ultimate being has done everything, what is left but the struggles, joy, and variety of life that minions created in His image provide? He loves us and our brief lives. When it is all over, and it will be very soon for all of us, our reward for our endeavors will be the reunion with our loved ones and the adventures we will share in eternity.

Live life well. Remember those who have gone before us.

[Belial]

No one lives in vain. It's tragic when a loved one dies young, but the memories of their life speak for them.

[TheOtherOne]

I have no suggestions other than to continue to share the love that is in your family.

[patriciaruth]

People who come back from near death experience seem to have something in common, they never come back for themselves. They come back for the sake of someone here or because they are told that their mission here is not yet complete.

When your family member enters the light, their mission here is complete and they trust you to be able to handle their death as they joyfully experience the complete peace and knowledge of their new life.

For their sakes, miss and mourn them, but do not doubt they are happy where they are.