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You might be a Clinton Rumpswab if....
Villa Rica Voice ^ | November 24, 1999 | Stan Hardegree

Posted on 11/28/2002 4:02:14 AM PST by Stanbo

You might be a Clinton Rumpswab if....

You regard Bill Clinton's masturbating in the Oval Office sink to be a private matter between him and his wife but regard the details of Newt Gingrich's divorce to be legitimate public grist.

You regard Clinton's selling strategic nuclear data to the Chinese to be a matter of his keeping the door open to a nascent ally in Asia but regard Ronald Reagan's attempt to free American hostages by selling obsolete tactical weaponry to the Iranians to be among the century's most heinous crimes.

You regard Hillary Clinton's attempt to keep billing records from legitimate investigators to be evidence of her keen intellect and feisty doggedness but regard Republican doggedness in forcing her to comply with federal subpoenas to be a witch hunt.

You believe that there really does exist a picture of Bob Barr licking whipped cream off of a stripper's breasts but are convinced that Matt Drudge's picture of the 21-week old baby clutching a doctor's finger is faked.

You believe that Bill Clinton's bombing of Kosovo was carried out to stop ethnic cleansing there and was of legitimate national interest to the U.S. but believe that George Bush had no busniess in Panama.

You believe that Bill Clinton's ignoring two draft notices and reneging on a deal to enter ROTC was a legitimate response to an immoral war but you believe that George W. Bush's honorable service in the Texas Air Guard was draft dodging.

You believe that Bill Clinton's attendance at dozens of campaign fund raisers during the Kosovo operation was perfectly acceptable but that George Bush's taking his boat out for an afternoon during the Gulf War was an affront to our men in uniform.

You believe that Republicans who criticize Hillary Clinton for her attempt to socialize American medicine fear strong women but that democrats who attack Monica Lewinsky, Juanita Broadrick, Linda Tripp and Lucianne Goldberg do so only out of a sense of justice.

You believed and breathlessly defended Bill Clinton when he said "I did not have sex with that woman" but when you found out that he did, you attacked Ken Starr.

You believe that when Bill Clinton sees children suffering in places like Kosovo, he should send in the Marines but can't be bothered by the fact that he endorses a policy under which babies can be aborted -- up to and including at the time of delivery.

You believed Mike McCurry when he told you that Bill Clinton's herpes chancres are skin cancers but laughed cynically when Ronald Reagan's doctors said that he had no symptoms of Alzheimer's while he was in office.

You believe that a man who dropped out of a Rhodes scholarship is among the smartest presidents we have ever had but that a man who scored 1206 on the SAT and graduated from Yale and Harvard is a hopeless dullard.

When presented with George Bush's 1988 promise not to raise taxes, you mutter "he lied" and when presented with Bill Clinton's 1992 promise of a 10 percent tax cut you mutter "Bush lied about the size of the deficit."

When presented with proof of Bill Clinton's sexual proclivities, you yawn lazily and say, "He is no better or worse than other men. They all do it" but when presented with the fact that Newt Ginrich may have had an affair, you suddenly find yourself in a spit-spewing rage to discover that they all do it.

You regard Bill Clinton's renting the Lincoln Bedroom to the highest bidder to be a legitimate use of the White House but regard Nancy Reagan's buying some new china for the dining room to be scandalous.

You thought Ed Meese should have gone to jail for accepting some cuff links from the South Korean government but defend -- indeed praise -- Janet Reno for killing 80 Americans at Waco, Texas.

You believe that what Bill Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office reveals him to be a man with a normal sexual urges but believe that Ken Starr's transcribing testimony of what went on there reveals him to be a pornographer.

You believe that The Nation and American Politics Journal are respected organs of opinion but that American Spectator and National Review are right-wing smear sheet.

You believe that James Carville is just another savvy political operative trying to get his man elected but that Lee Atwater was among this country's most notorious villians for providing the same service to Ronald Reagan and George Bush.

You believe that Hillary Clinton's conversations with Elanor Roosevelt were nothing more than whimsical metaphors but that Nancy Reagan's consulting an astrologer revealed her to be an irremediable nutcase.

You believe that Ronald Regan slept through cabinet meetings and operated as a "hands off" president but regard the fact that Clinton stays out of the country a great deal of the time and has not held a cabinet meeting in a year as evidence of "hands-on, activist" leadership.

When presented with incontrovertible proof that Clinton is a hypocrite, your natural reaction is, "hypocrisy, they name is politics" but when presented with even the most outrageous rumor that George Bush may have used cocaine 30 years ago, your natural reaction is, "hypocrisy, thy name is George Walker Bush."

You believe that Ken Starr went on a wild spending spree and wasted $40 million of taxpayer money to find nothing but that Larry Walsh was niggardly with every penny the Justice Department gave him and uncovered crimes of unparalleled enormity.

You believe that Ronald Reagan just happened to be president when the USSR fell but that Bill Clinton single handedly rescued America's economy from the jaws of Reaganomics. When asked what Clinton did to resuce the economy, you change the subject to Iran/Contra, which you understand about as deeply as you understand economics.

In the aftermath of a thoroughly corrupt and forevermore disgraced presidency, you long for those heady days of early 1993, when this brilliant young presence, This Man From Hope, was dispatched by a grateful nation to rescue the Republic from the evil clutches of George Bush. And you still hold onto a fading hope, despite the corruption, despite the disgrace, despite what Bill Clinton has done to the office of the presidency and to this country, that you will one day see that sturdy jaw protruding proudly from the rock in the Black Hills of South Dakota.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: buttmunch; rumpswab

1 posted on 11/28/2002 4:02:14 AM PST by Stanbo
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To: Stanbo
BUMP
Yes
2 posted on 11/28/2002 4:08:05 AM PST by DeaconRed
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To: Stanbo
This is a keeper.

Clinton on Rushmore? Perish the thought.

3 posted on 11/28/2002 4:09:29 AM PST by JZoback
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To: Stanbo; Voter#537; Paul Atreides; All
......., you might be a Clinton
4 posted on 11/28/2002 4:11:56 AM PST by MeekOneGOP
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To: JZoback
Clinton on Rushmore?

Chocking the chicken
He is no fisherman,
He is a baiter, in fact he is a Master Baiter

5 posted on 11/28/2002 4:12:18 AM PST by DeaconRed
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To: Stanbo
Thanks...Im saving this!
6 posted on 11/28/2002 4:18:38 AM PST by mystery-ak
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To: Stanbo
Thanks!

This is one I will keep.

7 posted on 11/28/2002 4:19:53 AM PST by dhfnc
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To: Stanbo
He he, good one!

Be cool,

~Corey (happy Thanksgiving!!)
8 posted on 11/28/2002 4:20:45 AM PST by corlorde
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To: Stanbo; Alamo-Girl; onyx; Republican Wildcat; Howlin; Fred Mertz; dixiechick2000; SusanUSA; ...
You might be a Clinton Rumpswab if....



Please let me know if you want ON or OFF my General Interest ping list!. . .don't be shy.

9 posted on 11/28/2002 4:25:20 AM PST by MeekOneGOP
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To: Stanbo
Happy Thanksgiving !



10 posted on 11/28/2002 4:26:33 AM PST by MeekOneGOP
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To: Stanbo
Excellent read for THANKSGIVING!

Thank you GOD for President George W BUSH!

11 posted on 11/28/2002 4:28:37 AM PST by SunnyUsa
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Comment #12 Removed by Moderator

To: Stanbo
You believe that Ronald Regan slept through cabinet meetings and operated as a "hands off" president but regard the fact that Clinton stays out of the country a great deal of the time and has not held a cabinet meeting in a year as evidence of "hands-on, activist" leadership.

I didn't know that. My gawd, what was the man doing all that time, boinking the help?

13 posted on 11/28/2002 4:42:25 AM PST by Quilla
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To: Stanbo
that you will one day see that sturdy jaw protruding proudly from the rock in the Black Hills of South Dakota.

Over my dead body.

14 posted on 11/28/2002 4:44:48 AM PST by cardinal4
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To: Quilla
I originally wrote this around Thanksgiving three years ago. I apologize for any uncorrected tenses.
15 posted on 11/28/2002 4:53:51 AM PST by Stanbo
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To: Stanbo
Excellent. Bump.
16 posted on 11/28/2002 4:59:48 AM PST by RightOnline
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To: Stanbo
No apologies are necessary, Stan. Your points will always be pertinent, or at least until the previous pervert-in-chief is imprisoned.
17 posted on 11/28/2002 5:29:02 AM PST by Quilla
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To: Stanbo
This should be sent to Maureen Dowd, Molly Ivens and Elenor Clift..................Klinton a$$wipes all!
18 posted on 11/28/2002 5:35:00 AM PST by DoctorMichael
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To: Stanbo
Most excellent.
19 posted on 11/28/2002 5:37:41 AM PST by youaculpa
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To: Stanbo
My list of bookmarks is getting far too long, but I HAVE to add this one. Thanks!
20 posted on 11/28/2002 5:39:20 AM PST by Skooz
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To: Stanbo
RUMPSWAB I like the sound of that.
21 posted on 11/28/2002 5:43:53 AM PST by oceanperch
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To: MeeknMing
There's enough material for a weekly TV show...

Calling Hollywood!
22 posted on 11/28/2002 5:47:21 AM PST by lds23
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To: cardinal4
We'll nuke it.
23 posted on 11/28/2002 5:48:04 AM PST by oceanperch
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To: Stanbo
Clintons were always above the "so called law" and that seems why alot of senators wanted to move along, so that the Clintons and Gores could do more "law breaking", in which they did! Grassontop
24 posted on 11/28/2002 5:49:37 AM PST by Grassontop
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To: Stanbo
Here's one to add:

You think it was fair and just that Nixon Aide Chuck Colson went to prison for having ONE stolen FBI file in his possession during the Watergate era;
but to even SUGGEST that there might be something wrong with Hillary Xlinton having over 900 FBI files in her possession PROVES you are a member of a vast right-wing conspiracy.

25 posted on 11/28/2002 6:01:13 AM PST by KeyBored
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To: Stanbo
And you might be a "rumpswab" if you consider any of the described "republo-crat " shenanigans OK , because it was done by folks in your party of choice.
26 posted on 11/28/2002 6:05:02 AM PST by genefromjersey
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To: Stanbo
How long does it take one to go from a journeyman baiter to a masterbaiter in the fishing trade? Is not that what Clinton was doing?
27 posted on 11/28/2002 6:13:09 AM PST by Piquaboy
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To: Stanbo
HAHA! Brilliant.
28 posted on 11/28/2002 6:34:14 AM PST by IronJack
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To: lds23

29 posted on 11/28/2002 6:37:01 AM PST by MeekOneGOP
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To: Stanbo
You oughta call that "You might be Murrymom."
30 posted on 11/28/2002 6:43:13 AM PST by dfwgator
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To: JZoback; maica
This is a keeper.

Sure is. Thanks.

31 posted on 11/28/2002 6:45:41 AM PST by Freee-dame
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To: Stanbo
Thanks so much for this its great! Happy Thanksgiving
32 posted on 11/28/2002 6:49:44 AM PST by Ditter
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To: JZoback
Clinton on Rushmore?

How about Trashmore?

33 posted on 11/28/2002 6:52:47 AM PST by steve-b
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To: Stanbo
Here is my Turkey Day contribution to the ultimate turkey of our times.

Happy Thanksgiving to all FReepers...

34 posted on 11/28/2002 6:55:29 AM PST by jws3sticks
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To: Stanbo
bttt
35 posted on 11/28/2002 7:02:32 AM PST by carpio
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To: MeeknMing
So glad you pinged me on this. How true. Blessings on you this Thanksgiving day dear FRiend.
36 posted on 11/28/2002 7:45:18 AM PST by Bahbah
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To: Quilla
I remember after Clinton had been in office about 9 months and interview with one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He was telling how they met weekly with former President Bush. The interviewer asked about meetings with Clinton. The military man responded that he hadn't actually met Clinton, yet.
37 posted on 11/28/2002 7:57:08 AM PST by gitmo
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To: jws3sticks
what a contribution
38 posted on 11/28/2002 10:38:15 AM PST by bribriagain
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To: Bahbah
Thank you. Hope your Thanksgiving Day was wonderful.
More laffs at clintoon's expense on #4 I believe, fyi....
39 posted on 11/28/2002 6:13:19 PM PST by MeekOneGOP
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To: KeyBored
That's a good one.
40 posted on 11/28/2002 9:03:52 PM PST by sweetliberty
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Comment #41 Removed by Moderator

To: Stanbo
Have to bump it for those who missed it the first couple of times.
42 posted on 01/22/2003 12:24:03 PM PST by hattend
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To: Stanbo

BTTT


43 posted on 11/24/2007 9:52:10 AM PST by BenLurkin
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