Posted on 12/13/2002 1:01:32 PM PST by Liz
Although it may not be readily apparent, some of our superficial, botoxed Hollywarped talent might be helpful if they were sent out of country on official missions. And it would be such a relief to the rest of us at home if they weren't making all those violent porno movies.
Why not jump in and make suggestions as to which star, or Hollyweird type, you'd send to what destination and state the reasons why you think the star could be particularly helpful.
I would send:
Winona Ryder to Saudi Arabia. They know how to deal with shoplifters there.
Babs Strident to Iraq as a weapons inspector. Betcha she cam smell a nuke a mile away.
Rosie O'Donnell to Northern Ireland to broker a peace agreement. With her motor mouth, she'd scare the 600-years long antagonists into cease firing.
Alec Baldwin to go by popular invitation.....anywhere. Just get him out of the good old USA.....please.
Sean Penn: Good evening, President Saddam. I am Sean Penn from Hollywood in the United States and I'm pleased that you would see me. (Sean offers a handhshake)
Saddam: Spiccoli! Fast Times! Heyyyy, yeah! Hah! hah! (Saddam slaps Penn on the back and hugs him, a long, sweaty Arabic hug)
Penn: Well... yeah, but...
Saddam: 'Dude, I am sooooooo wasted!' Hah! Hah! Come. I want you to be for eating dinner with me tonight!" (Saddam motions to an aide in the wings) You! Get me chicken wings and cous cous. And get weed! Tonight we get 'wasted,' eh Spiccoli? Hah! hah!
Penn: You don't understand Mr. President. That's just a character in a movie I, I ... I'm an actor AND an activist, sir. I'm here to ..."
Saddam: Barbra Streisand send you, no? She always pester me with e-mail. I got her blocked as spammer.... (He pauses in thought) Hmmm... Streisand... you think Jew?
Penn: No, no... I'm here to apply pressure to the Administration by bringing attention to the senseless drumbeat of war ...
Saddam: She must be stinking Jew. Big nose. ... Hey! You marry Maddonna! Hah hah! What you thinking?!? Hah hah!
Penn: Yeah.... See, we dont want to see innocent Iraqis die due to American aggression and we think if youll just hear our suggestions, we may be able to help you avert this coming war.
Saddam: Avert?!? Why avert?!? I need this war to prove American dogs imperialist puppets for Zionist master. So... How is Madonna... you know, boom boom? Rodman say she like fish. (Saddam places one hairy arm around Penn and they begin to walk away)
Penn: But if there's war, people will die! Innocent...
Saddam: Ehhh. What ever. I got more people. (He stops and turns to Penn) Hey! You bring surfboard?!? Ya! I have palace on Tigris! We go now! ... You! Chicken wings!
I wish you the big-a booty
I wish you the big-a booty
I wish you the big-a booty
And lots of extra pounds
Ice cream will I bring
With lots of hot fudge
I wish you the big-a booty
Now add extra pudge
My fault really - prior to the lovely Happygal entering my life, I was smitten with Renée. I suppose Happygal means Australia - I understand cholesterol is the national dish there. ;)
Regards, Ivan
Well just because she thinks she's on Mars, doesn't actually mean she's there. ;)
Regards, Ivan
Would I say that? < evil grin >
You did, you did! ;)
Love, Ivan
I seem to have developed selective memory loss. Or it could be that I'm blonde again! *LOL*
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