|
|
OJ Interviews New York Senator Hillary Rod'em Clinton |
|
Posted on 12/13/2002 6:33:22 PM PST by John Lenin
|
|
OJ Interviews New York Senator Hillary Rod'em Clinton |
|
|
OJ |
This is OJ at the office of freshman NY Senator Hillary Rod'em Clinton. Hillary, thanks for talking to me today. |
| HRC | My pleasure OJ. I'm a big fan of your work. Anytime you can shut up some no-good tramp, I'm all for it. Do you do any "contract work"? |
| OJ | No, I'm just a part-time journalist and full-time PGA detective. Hillary, I want to start off with a personal question. Why do they call you "Rod-em"? Who are you "rod"-ing, and how do you wield this "rod" exactly? Also, does this "rod" have batteries? And do you wind up "rod'ing" the whole village, or just a few individuals? |
| HRC | OJ, that is highly personal...Let's just say my favorite television character is the Energizer Bunny and leave it at that, shall we? |
| OJ | I see. Now, you have taken a strong position against firearms ownership, am I correct? |
| HRC | I have one word for you OJ. Secret Service. And that's not to say I wouldn't be fine with just my own Executive concealed carry permit. Charles Schumer, Andrew Cuomo, Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein are all big shooting buddies of mine. But no, as long as you're not ME or someone who kisses up to ME, you have no NEED for a gun. |
| OJ | Okay...moving right along. How do you work with HCI's Josh Sugarman? Is it a cordial relationship? |
| HRC | Yeah, he's fine for a Jew Ba-, uh, for a fellow Liberal. Just don't put him in the same room with a roll of nickels! |
| OJ | Were you just about to call him a "Jew Bastard"? And are you engaging in ethnic sterotyping? |
| HRC | Of course not, you dumb ni-...I mean OJ. Now you listen to me and I want you to hear me. I did not call that f'ing J-boy a "Jew Bastard", not one time. I never, ever slurred any ethnic or racial groups, no matter how inferior they seemed to me. And by the way, I had the staff go to Popeye's chicken and pick you up a little lunch. They even got some of that tobacco sauce you people like so much. Now let's get back to discussing the need to disarm America's women... |
| OJ | Yes, that's a favorite subject of mine. These women can't just go around shooting their estranged spouses...think of the consequences. I like your style, Ms Rod'em... |
| HRC | Don't get me wrong. I'm a feminist, and think women should be in firm control of their own bodies. Firm control. Abortion, birth control, any areas relating to their personal choices are theirs to make. I just don't consider who you allow to have sex with you a basic "choice" issue. Anyone that tries to equate the choice not to get impregnated in the first place by a rapist with the right to abort that same baby after you've been brutalized is just a partisan... For the safety of all concerned, theirs, the unfortunate socially-depressed individual, dutiful submission is the compassionate Liberal course. Only a mean-spirited Republican would advocate something like "self-defense". After all, two wrongs don't make a right... |
| OJ | I'm right with you. The bitch should lie there and shut her damn mouth! Is it hot in here? Now SOME of your opponents have criticized this position of yours, saying its easy for you to advise women this way with all your Secret Service protection. They might say you're being a hypocrite. What do you have to tell them? If I tried to rape you right now, can you assure them that you'd lie there and take it? |
| HRC | Well, first of all I'd tell them not to criticize me. Any criticism of me is by definition "partisan" and also "mean-spirited". 2nd, if you tried anything with me they'd find chunks of you in Buddy's stool the next day. Nothing hypocritical about that. It's much different protecting a HEAD OF STATE, who is much more important than some soccer-mom. Besides, just because they can get HIV by meekly submitting is no excuse for vigilante action...That is not very lady-like. No, its far better to be violated and take your chances with modern medicine than prevent what is probably a harmless sexual assault. Believe me, they're not that bad. Bill tells me the woman is usually up and around in a day or so. Besides, if it's so bad how come they usually keep their mouths shut? |
| OJ | So you're saying they all want it basically? |
| HRC | Of course not! What kind of idiot do you think I am? But if you, or say James Carville wants to say it, I'd be in no position to dispute you, would I? No, I'm just saying that gun control is completely compatible with the tenets of modern feminism. Namely, its your body and your choice ... unless some swarthy, HIV-positive intruder wants to borrow it for a few hours. NOW do you see? |
| OJ | Hey, you don't have to convince me, I'm the frickin' PEANUT GALLERY. Do you have any safety tips for our readers? |
| HRC | Well, I can't resist throwing out a few pearls of wisdom. 1. Don't take dumb risks: Stay NEAR THE HELICOPTER. 2. Your armored limo is only as good as its driver, so make sure to "keep his morale up." 3. Don't trust anyone suspicious, like a "Jew bastard". It's not worth your election campaign. 4. If your husband is actually accused of one of his sexual assaults, quickly threaten his accuser 5. It DOES take a village, but a contingent of heavily-armed Secret Service ain't bad either. I gotta run, OJ. The macaroni and cheese is burning, and I still have to help get the trailer ready for the Clinton Library's Welcome Center. |
| OJ | See you next time, Ms Rod'em |
Other interesting stories:
Hillary Panned for Sour Demeanor during Bush Speech
Hillary Accused of Irish Slur (off site)
Clinton Caught Cracking Anti-Gay Jokes (off site)
No offense intended to the poster, of course, whose screen name is an example of something that is funny.
Roehm
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
