By Serge Protechtur
BSNN.net Eurotrash Correspondent
Posted on 07/08/2003 6:47:46 AM PDT by goliath
Palestine to be Admitted to European Union
By Serge Protechtur
BSNN.net Eurotrash Correspondent
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Above: Yasser Arafat snacks on flies in his fetid Ramallah swamp. |
RAMALLAH, WEST BANK —After showing his new EU Stars paw-tattoo, Yasser Arafat told reporters today that "Palestine" will soon be admitted to the European Union.
"It's a done deal," said the Arabphibian while snacking on flies in his fetid Ramallah swamp. "We will be admitted to the EU shortly, because we have met all the sanitation, economic, cultural and tolerance standards of the European Union."
Surrounded by admiring would-be suicide bombers, the jubilant web-footed terrorist added, "We can blow up civilians a hell of a lot better than ETA or the Real IRA, our employment rate is worse than southern Italy or Greece, and our cities are dirtier than Charleroi or Napoli. Plus, we're as tolerant of Jews as Europeans are of gypsies and Africans and, yes, Jews! In fact, our mutual respect for Jews really brings the Europeans, Hamas and myself together, like brothers who don't want to leave each others behind."
"With help from the EU, we've been working to meet European standards for years," Arafat continued. "I even started pissing in the street, whereas
I used to only piss on my people. Besides that, I'm so great at promising my people things without delivering; I expect to be EU president very soon. I can fail to deliver at a level of competence that even the great Roman Prodi can't exceed!"
As reports of yet another Palestinian suicide bomber came in, Arafat hopped around in joy and said, "One of my EU envoys again making peace with the goddamned Jews. Who says diplomacy doesn't work?"
As the retaliatory Israeli strikes came in, sending booming concussions through the swamp and scattering alligators, Iranians, snakes, Syrians, Hizbollah mud-crawlers and a secret stash of ready-for-slaughter hogs, Arafat was on the phone to Brussels. "Listen," he was heard uttering into a paper cup attached to a long string, "these damned bombs are making my head spin. In fact, I'm seeing stars—EU stars! I take this as a good omen!"
Diplomats in Brussels confirmed the immediate accession of Palestine into the EU: "Hell, he's damned good, by our standards. We're dying to pick a fight with the USA but can't get up the political nerve. Arafat — he doesn't even have a country but he sent his people into a major conflict with the only real power in the Middle East, without any military capability and with no moral reason. He attacked a people who suffered the Holocaust and a lot of shit for centuries before that. Shit, that takes balls! We're thinking he'll chair the EU Military Committee."
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