SOUTHERN ADVICE

Mason Dixon | long ago | common knowledge

[RedBloodedAmerican]

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their Mammas taught them how to aim.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater samiches.

The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names .. The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Edwin Edwards.

The North has an ambulance .. The South has an am-a-lance.

The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits.

The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters .. The South has crawfish.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.

[dixie sass]

Sho' nuff is!

[dixie sass]

Sho' nuff, honey chile!

[dixie sass]

Lordy, I hope she doesn't even try! I hope that she is halfway intelligent enought to know that she just doesn't stand a chance.

[potlatch]

LOL, I thought I'd lost Windows for a minute!

[potlatch]

Now I've got it, a minute ago ALL was blank??

[autoresponder]

[autoresponder]

Really?

Go to my next post #226 and click your "Reload/Refresh" key.

Layered URLs.

[potlatch]

It was there right away. Really neat, what you can do!!

[two23]

bump for later

[txzman]

'fixin too' is defintely the first thing that creeps into a transplants language. I moved down here 16 years ago and was shocked how often I found myself using the term. And 'ya know what? - it's great :)

[autoresponder]

Arkansas gave America the willies

[Graybeard58]

I told my adult son that I tripped over a stob in the yard he had no idee what I was talking about.
"Got any ID"? - Bout whut?

[July 4th]

I used the word "bubbler" with a bunch of Aussies. They were the first people outside of Milwaukee who knew what it meant. Go figure. click

[putupon]

WARNING:

Most Yankees who move south hate it. This is a quote from a Yankee in today's Richmond Times Dispatch

"Chuck Koscielniak was listening to a playoff game involving his beloved Yankees when he realized he'd truly left New York.

The local radio station dropped the game in favor of high school football.

"High school football is pre-empting pro sports? Where am I?" Koscielniak recalled asking himself."

...From the Empire State to the Old Dominion

I wish they had the pics online, this guy even has a vanity plate on his car whining about missing NYC.

All the imported Yankees I know spend most of there time complaining about the weather, the mosquitoes, the way we drive, etc., etc.,etc..

Yankees, before heading South, remember the wisdom given to Dorothy by the good witch, "There is no place like home, there is no place like home, there is no place like home, ..."

[FeliciaCat]

I hear you! When I first moved to NY everyone asked where I was from because of my "accent"...and these were people from Staten Island and Brooklyn - talk about heavy accents!

[razorbak]

I lived just a few miles from Egypt in Zeigler, IL for 6 years.

[holdmuhbeer]

In the south we 'mash' buttons we don't push them.
In the south we 'cut' out the lights we don't turn them off.

[Jimmy Valentine]

Good old "black dirt" country.

[southernbychoice]

Now now, some of us move down here and never look back! We never talk about things being better up there, because we know they're not! It doesn't get any better than here.

[putupon]

OK, here's a short test to see if you're allright:

1. What's better, mustard base or vinegar base BBQ sauce?_______
2. What's better, pulled or minced BBQ?______
3. It is possible to make BBQ from beef, True or false?_____
4. How deep a snowfall must be predicted before it requires going to the store and getting a month's worth of groceries?______
5. It is/is not required to call in if you are going to miss work the first day of hunting season?_______