SOUTHERN ADVICE

Mason Dixon | long ago | common knowledge

[RedBloodedAmerican]

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their Mammas taught them how to aim.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater samiches.

The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names .. The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Edwin Edwards.

The North has an ambulance .. The South has an am-a-lance.

The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits.

The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters .. The South has crawfish.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.

[Howlin]

I can't believe this thread has 60 post and not one person has mentoned

idinit?

[HoustonCurmudgeon]

We spent two years on Lowng Island

You never told me that! I went to Jr High, with this accent, in Whitestone, Queens.

[Thor_Hammar]

Crawdads are like little fresh water lobsters or Lob-STUHs as they say Down East.

But I think you are right that the North -- at least the Northeast -- has CRAPS. Here's a partial list of Senators:

Gigolo John Heinz-Kerry of Massachusetts

Teddy "The Wizard of Ahhhs" Kennedy of Massachusetts

Christopher "The Dudd" Dodd of Connecticut

Joseph "Second-Fiddle (to Al Gore)" Lieberman of Connecticut (assuming he's still alive. I have trouble convincing myself he and Don Imus aren't the same cadaver.)

Patrick "Leaky" Leahy of Vermont

"Jumpin'" Jim Jeffords of Vermont

Hillary Rotten Clinton of New York

Upchuck Schumer of New York

Well, you get the picture. The North does have CRAPS.

[dixiechick2000]

LOL!

No,ididn.

[MissAmericanPie]

Then you haven't lived yet. You are right about throwing out the canned collards, they must be fresh to taste good.

[mommadooo3]

The North has lobsters .. The South has crawfish

Is that the SAME THING as 'crawdads???

Have I gone TOO far South?

[dixiechick2000]

LOL! My last post made no sense.
I read it as isn't it surprising no on has mentioned "idinit".
If you had said that, the answer is "No, ididn."

Of course, you didn't say that.;o)

[OldSmaj]

Anyway, they aren't fit to eat out of a can.

I was born and raised so far back in the woods, they had to pipe sunshine to us and I never thought I'd go so far as to eat greens out of a can, especially after my Mawmaws (my Grandmother) cooking.

She could take the toughest, sandiest, most acidy greens you could find and make 'em melt in your mouth.

But...

I have discovered edible canned greens, canned by Glory Foods.

Hard to find, but if you ever do, try 'em.

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Them folks, whoever they are, managed to put a little of my old Mawmaw in them cans.

(Or, maybe, years of eating the Army chow just blew out all my taste buds, and I just don't know what's good, any more.)

[Still Thinking]

initiate (contraction): "My wife ate a burger, initiate a baga tater chips."

[Howlin]

Well, there IS didinit?

[mommadooo3]

One OTHER thaing not mentioned....
In the South, people who drive past one another, WAVE/NOD/ACKNOWLEDGE.
ABOVE the MasonDixonLine, waving/etc, will get one a look of 'ignerrent-you-ness'.

'Southern Hospitality' is NOT a catch phrase.

[LNewman]

Thanks Grammy,

I'm a MD sympathizer (supposedly) livin' with a TN who insisted I was a Yankee for soooo long ... til a Looosiana friend of his splained it all too me. In the south, he says, if your bud is from a state north of yours ... well, he's a Yankee! In fact, to him, Mr. TN was a big time Yankee! :)

I eat WAY more collards than Southern man. And WV (Yankee!!) grandma made the meanest buttermilk biscuits and poor man's gravy, fried green anything ... geez ... I once gained 20 pounds in one summer! On the biscuits of course ... collards are one of the healthiest greens you can eat.

[TexasCowboy]

"Who wrote this? "Y'all" isn't singular!"

I've seen that so many times by people supposed to be Southern.
The proper English when speaking to two or more Southerners is:
"Jy'all eetchet?"
"Y'onto?"

If you're speaking to one Southerner it's the same as anywhere else:
"Jyou eetchet?"
"Y'onto?"

[who knows what evil?]

You're not changing lanes without signalling, throwing garbage out your window, nor thinking this is your country free to trash like you did the c**phole you came from.

You MUST be kidding. You're talking about Tennessee, not the North. "Visualize Using Turn Signals" is a popular bumper sticker in east Tennessee. Have you ever seen the "Tennessee Trash" commercials? There's a REASON for them...the sides of the roads here are a sty. I welcome springtime because the foilage will hide all the garbage on the sides of the road. (Picked up four 'Bud Light' cans off my lawn this morning.) I hate to say anything nice about Vermont, but you can drive FOREVER up there without seeing any trash on the roads.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

"Tell me something sensuous"........

"Ok, sensuous up, would'ja get me a beer?"

[mrs. a]

I knew I'd moved further south when one of our barn cotractors used the word "cattywampus" in the course of a normal conversation.

My favorite regionalism is, "I took and..."

"I took and nailed it to the wall."

"I took and sent it to my sister."

[WKB]

I'm fixin to go over to momma-an-nems to eat supper.

[warchild9]

Vermont IS beautiful, as is upper New York State, where I spent some time. It's the Northern trash from the cities which make a mess of my country. And the cleanest roads I've ever seen were in Maine--that compensated a little for the black flies, those loathesome things.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Lake George....... what a beautiful area.........

[warchild9]

My very first job during high school was off-the-books roofing in 100+ degree heat. I came home sick every night, but made enough money to maintain a high-maintenance girlfriend, a car, and a godawful book habit.