Please help In need of immediate prayers! (Vanity)

S_S29 | July 28, 2005

[Sweet_Sunflower29]

Dear FRiends,

I am in need of all the prayers you can offer. My husbands best friend and his wife are in the midst of something w/which I have *no* knowledge and I don't know how to help. I am very afraid that I am saying the wrong things.

Christie is not only a devoted wife and mother, but also a recovering alcoholic. The collective result from her determination, the AA meetings and knowing how stongly John felt about her drinking was enough to stop the drinking and keep her sober for the past 6 years. After Matthew was born, she became depressed, sought help and for the past year, has been taking antidepressants which have been greatly helping.

Well, 10 weeks ago she began drinking again-- and drinking excessivly. After only 10 weeks, she openly admits that she would rather just leave her son with her husband and move out rather then get help, quit or deal with it. She knows that she has a problem and admits without a pause. She has reached the point where drinking while at home alone with her son is a risk she's willing to take and 'really not that big a deal, 'cause if something were to happen, well.. she knows that I'm close by, her sister would be there, blah, blah.. drinking both in front of her husband and while alone. She told me that she had gone to her doctors appointment yesterday totally wasted. It's like she didn't care the least little bit about anything. But that she would seriously consider the idea of willingly leaving her son behind 'for his sake'.. the son that was so difficult to conceive and was so long in coming due to PCOS leaves me speechless. And terrified.

I'm really, really scared and I have no idea how to help. This is something I have never delt with and I have no grasp of what she is going through. I don't know what to say, what not to say, when to say it, who to say it to, what to do.... I am so far out of my territory here and I am sick at the thought of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, or not saying what she needs to hear.

I do not know what to do, and we are leaving in the morning for a long anticipated vacation to Disneyland and am literally sick to my stomach with worry. Prayer is all I have and all I require, but I feel so lost and inadequate to help.

Pray that He will touch Christie's heart in a way never before felt by her and lay His healing hands upon her

Please, pray for His continued comfort and guidence, and that I might understand exactly what I need to do.

[netmilsmom]

Adding prayers!

[scott7278]

Prayers going up...

[PaulaB]

Horrible situation....I am praying

[porkchopexpress]

I will be saying prayers, please be strong.

[newheart]

Amen.

[hoosiermama]

Don't play the role of "prodigal Mother" She'd cook the son a good home cooked meal and make sure he'd have a nice clean bed to sleep in instead of staying with the swine.....You'll never be able to welcome her home if you do....Sometimes the very best thing is placing the prodigal in God's hand and letting go. His will be done.

[arbusto99]

Sounds as though she is having serious post-partum depression, and is in urgent need of medical help. Many people in such positions seek solace from the bottle. I hope that she is able to get the help she needs. My advice for you and her family is to focus on treating the underlying issue--her depression--rather than the symptom, which is her excessive drinking. Prayers for all of you.

[newzjunkey]

If she has to leave them, so be it. It won't be easy on the son or husband but it's far better than having a depressed drunk in the home who has abandoned recovery. It might be useful to attempt an "in patient" program that could address her depression and remove her from drinking while 'freeing her' (temporarily) from the stress of being a wife and mother. However, if she won't go along, there's little else that can be done. Best wishes for the situation.

[RedWhiteBlue]

Sounds like postpartum depression, and someone needs to talk with her doctor immediately. Don't count on her having the presence of mind to do it herself. Her doctor has seen this many times before and will know how to respond.

[Congressman Billybob]

The people who have the best chance of helping your friend are in Alcoholics Anonymous. That group (which is both practical, and faith-based) saved the life of one of my relatives. And he repaid what AA did for him by helping many, many others during the 60 years he remained sober after he began AA.

She has been in AA before. Call them. Find her friends there. They will know EXACTLY what to do, in case it can work. Do it now. Don't wait a minute. Your friend's life is on the line.

Congressman Billybob

Latest column: "South Pacific" Lesson about Muslims

[Recovering Ex-hippie]

Good point. check with the doc. Then the family can go to Al-Anon, the 12 step support group for spouses and families of those dealing with alcoholism in the family.

[Syberyenta]

Dear Sweet:

Your husband's best friend's wife's drinking is not something which you can control. What you can control is how it affects you.

There is an organization called Al-Anon, which offers understanding help and support to families and friends of problem drinkers. Their program is adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous and is based upon the Twelve Steps, Twelve
Traditions and Twelve Concepts of Service.

The only requirement for membership is that you have a relative or friend with a drinking problem.

You can find out more at
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

IMHO you should concentrate on a happy trip to Disneyland, and let the Lord take care of the neighbors for awhile.

Cordially,
The Yenta

[toomanygrasshoppers]

AA is excellent, but she needs to get sober first. There are private facilities (hopefully in your area) that provide treatment (in-patient and out-patient)for alcholics. Most don't even require an appointment. If you can at least get her to one, they will do an assessment on the spot and could admit her immediately or, if she is stable and sober, have her return the next day or so for further assessment. Most will take insurance. They are not as expensive as you might think. Get on the computer and use Google to find one and then talk to her husband. It can help to save her life. God Bless You for being a caring person.

[toomanygrasshoppers]

I forgot to add that it sounds like she is "binge drinking". When a person is binge drinking they cannot control their behavior. Her husband needs to know that he has to take her immediately to get help.

[rip033]

As a friend and good person if you suspect that she may be getting intoxicated alone with the child then you have the right to go to a family member or husband if possible. If the situation is desperate then family services may be needed. I don't know if you have spoken with her husband or her immediate family but do they know about the situation or has your friend just confided in you only? If the husband or family are aware of the situation what and are working it then your involvement should be more of a supportive role. But you have the right to approach her husband because their child may be at risk. Worse scenario would be her family is ignoring the situation the child is in danger and you need to go outside to family services. I don't know if that's the case but don't feel like you have to be your friend's confidant when it comes to a child's safety. I would assume you sense something bad since your posting this. There are so many variables involved with these situations. My family and I have been through tough times over the years, it's expected. I have found that we are all each other's support group. Divorce's, death's we hold together and let each other know that you will get through those dark times. Hopefully your friend's family can help but remember children are innocent and need responsible people to look out for them. I offer my prayers for you for your friend and her family.

[ClaireSolt]

The baby needs protection. The father must act. Drunken, depressed mothers cannot do their job properly and sometimes neglect and endanger their children. Think Andrea Yates. All recovery plans for mother depend on willingness which she seems to lack.

[toomanygrasshoppers]

When people are binge drinking they have no will to do anything but drink. It steals the very soul from them.

[Recovering Ex-hippie]

I offered a suggestion...I'm not the one with the problem, but I;m sure the person read your post also. Very good points in your post.I agree.

[alisasny]

IMHO she is self medicating with the alcohol to deal with her depression. Many do this. It is sad that she has sunk so low in her depression to risk 6 years sobriety but she can stop the binge immediately if she gets back in AA and has a thorough screening for depression.

GOOD LUCK...self medication is only a temporary fix.