You seem to be trying really hard to stand by an ideology that may cause a ton of discomfort if you were to acknowledge the actual science.
I suggest that you continue your journey for the truth.
Don’t be convinced by anything that some “Scientist” has told you. Find out for yourself.
I spent nearly a dozen years trying to deny Creation as the answer. I read virtually everything from both sides and explored the physics of “Humanism” which is basically, Buddhism.
If you are actually interested, and are starting from the secular nature of our culture, I would recommend Joseph Campbell. He will bring you to Buddhism, but if you are honest with yourself, you will dig deeper.
Yep, these scientists do not consider themselves to be the shallow random emanations that they would sentence the rest of the creation to being.