Believe what you want. If your fang baring god doesn’t bother you, you won’t bother finding the truth. Neither would the Pharisees. But beware, men become the god they worship. If punishment is what ‘turns you on’, then console yourself with knowing that any separation from the true God of love will not be fun, no matter how long. There are answers to your questions all over the internet. But you will have to tire of you schizophrenic god before you look. 1 Timothy 4:10 is just to make people wake up. If you have eyes to see, then you will see.