Free Republic

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the partial government shutdown grinds on into its twelfth day, Americans remain deeply divided over what kind of wild animal they would most like to see Congress mauled by, according to a new poll released today. While a majority of Americans say they would enjoy seeing Congress torn limb from limb by a ferocious bear, there is disagreement over which species of bear would be best suited for that assignment. When asked, “What kind of bear would do the best job of savaging Congress with its fearsome paws?,” Americans gave grizzly bears the highest job-approval rating,...

Anti-gun activists would like you to think that gun violence is a growing problem in the United States as alpha males flock to gun shows to buy weapons. False. We’re used to anti-gun zealots shamelessly using national horrors to take political cheap shots, but following the Las Vegas massacre, they’ve hit a new low by blaming masculinity for the bloodshed that shocked our nation. Matthew Dowd, a strategist for the Bush-Cheney 2004 presidential campaign who is now a chief political analyst at ABC News, said in a tweet that what needs to change in America is “a culture celebrating guns...

SHAWANO COUNTY, WI (WSAW) -- A Wisconsin family Christmas tree business will be meeting the First Lady this November, when they present the White House with this year's Christmas tree. Diane and Jim Chapman, and their son David, of Silent Night Evergreens will be presenting the White House with this year's Christmas tree. On Monday, two White House officials came to pick out the special tree that starts the holiday season. "Today truly marks the first day of Christmas for us at the White House. Truly a remarkable tree and going to be a beautiful addition to holidays at the...

MADISON, WI - A divisive issue surrounding white supremacy and neo-nazis put some Dane County leaders at the center of the controversy after a county board member walked out and three more abstained during an important vote. Members passed Resolution 195 condemning the violent actions by white supremacy and neo-nazis in Charlottesville, Virginia. “Resolution 195 was a very clear resolution where we as Dane County Board of Supervisors wanted to give our stand in what we believe in,” said District 32 Supervisor Sheila Stubbs, a co-sponsor of the resolution. “Unfortunately, the President of the United States has been mediocre in...

Are Wisconsin Democrats xenophobic? Since the deal with Foxconn was announced by Governor Scott Walker, Democrats have been running around complaining about a Chinese company getting a subsidy from the state of Wisconsin. (Actually, the company is Taiwanese.) They’re complaining about China more than President Donald Trump did during the 2016 campaign. Our friends at Media Trackers, who brilliantly raised the question about the Democrats’ xenophobia, have documented a number of occasions when the Democrats and their allies have complained about the foreign-nature of Foxconn, including seven times in one press release. We’ve already commented on the odd opposition to...

MADISON - A state Senate committee on Tuesday approved a bill that would allow people to carry concealed guns without getting training or state permits and in some cases bring them onto school grounds. The Senate Judiciary and Public Safety Committee signed off on the bill 3-2, with all Republicans for it and all Democrats against it. The wide-ranging legislation would also allow people to carry Tasers without training or permits and would allow felons to carry muzzle loaders. Sen. Van Wanggaard (R-Racine), the chairman of the committee, said Senate Bill 169 would make the public safer and ensure Wisconsin's...

MADISON, WI - Five pets were also found dead in the rubble of a house that was intentionally exploded by a husband who police believe killed his wife. Steven Pirus is in custody for allegedly shooting his wife and attempting to cover up the crime with a house explosion, according to Madison police. Madison police spokesperson Joel DeSpain said Monday three dogs and two cats were also found dead during the explosion investigation. The couple's home on Stratton Way exploded Wednesday afternoon. Fire officials found the body of 50-year-old Lee Anne Pirus among the rubble. An autopsy by the Dane...

Constitution Day commemorates the formation and signing of the U.S. Constitution by thirty-nine brave men on September 17, 1787, recognizing all who are born in the U.S. or by naturalization, have become citizens.

RUSH: May as well announce this. I’m not gonna get into details because of the security nature of things, but it turns out that we will not be able to do the program here tomorrow. That will be in the hands of Mark Steyn tomorrow. But we’ll be on the air next week, folks, from parts unknown. So we’ll be back on Monday. It’s just that tomorrow is going to be problematic. Tomorrow it would be, I think, legally impossible for us to originate the program out of here. You know, I had to cancel a bunch of stuff. I...

Wisconsin is quietly home to America's northernmost Confederate cemetery. On Thursday, Madison Mayor Paul Soglin ordered it taken down. MADISON, WI — As public officials across the country grapple with calls to take down Civil War statues erected in honor of the Confederacy's military history, the Mayor of Madison, Wis. has ordered the removal of the state's lone memorial to fallen Confederate soldiers. About 140 Confederate soldiers died at Camp Randall during the Civil War as prisoners of war, and their graves were honored in the "Confederate Rest Cemetery" within the Forest Hill Cemetery. Soglin stated he ordered staff to...

Sergio Martinez was wanted by federal immigration authorities. But he was released by local authorities in Portland without notifying the feds and he went on to commit two assaults. Portland, Oregon – The city of Portland released a man that had a federal immigration hold on him and had been deported at least 20 times who then went and allegedly assaulted two women, including a 65-year-old woman. Portland has declared itself a sanctuary city which means it doesn’t cooperate with the federal government in terms of enforcing the immigration law. Sergio Martinez attacked a woman in the basement of a...

One of the many reasons I love frugality–beyond, you know, the money it saves me and the financial independence it brought me–is the fact that its application in my life has made me a more environmentally conscious person. I’ve always respected natural resources, been a fan of mother nature, and loved the outdoors, but it wasn’t until I became a frugal weirdo that I began living a holistically environmental life. I’ll say right now that I know there’s more I could do in the arena of environmentalism–deeper changes I could make and countless ways I could further reduce my carbon...

There’s some additional bad news out there for the “party of science” (as the Democrats have taken to calling themselves) and particularly for transgender advocates. But even if you have no interest in such social justice topics, a new study published by geneticists in Israel is still pretty fascinating. The Liberty Council has a report this week on new research material coming from Israel’s Weizmann Institute of Science, where scientists have undertaken an exhaustive study of genetic differences between the two genders which go far beyond just what’s found in their 23rd chromosomal pair or what sorts of genitalia they...

A New York City man is paying tribute to his baseball-loving friend by flushing his ashes down the toilets in America's ballparks. According to The Associated Press, Tom McDonald says his friend, Roy Riegel, who was a plumber and life-long Mets fan, would find the homage appropriate. "I know people might think it's weird, and if it were anyone else's ashes, I'd agree," McDonald said. "But for Roy, this is the perfect tribute to a plumber and a baseball fan and just a brilliant, wild guy." McDonald has paid tribute at 16 stadiums so far and says he has enough...

LANCASTER COUNTY, S.C. — The scary mugshot of a suspect accused in a robbery and kidnapping case is getting national attention. 24-year-old Morgan Joyce Varn was arrested in South Carolina on April 24th. A SWAT team had to be called in after Varn and 23-year-old Jonathan Mikael Robinson allegedly entered a home and demanded money and a cell phone from one of the people inside. Police say the victim reported that Robinson was armed with a gun The victim was able to escape and called 911 from a neighbor's home, according to the Lancaster County Sheriff's Office. Officers arrived on...

<p>Canada says it’s being wrongly blamed for a decision by a major dairy processor that could put some Wisconsin farms out of business in less than three weeks.</p> <p>At issue are changes in Canadian policy that make it harder for U.S. dairy processors — such as Grassland Dairy Products of Greenwood — to sell ultra-filtered milk, used to make cheese, in Canada.</p>

I got metaphorically spanked a couple of days ago. Folks have been talking about the Fearless Girl statue ever since it was dropped in Manhattan’s Financial District some five weeks ago. I have occasionally added a comment or two to some of the online discussions about the statue. Recently most of the Fearless Girl discussions have focused on the complaints by Arturo Di Modica, the sculptor who created Charging Bull. He wants Fearless Girl removed, and that boy is taking a metric ton of shit for saying that. Here’s what I said that got me spanked: The guy has a...

Considering all the concern over the preservation and protection of data as of late, it seems only fitting to see the debut of a specialized library where copies of the world's most precious written words — rare texts, historically significant documents and invaluable digital data included — are kept safe, buried deep under the permafrost-covered Arctic tundra of a far-flung Norwegian archipelago. Dubbed the Arctic World Archive, this fail-safe cold storage facility is certainly in very good company. Located “far away from political and physical instabilities in the rest of the world,” the for-profit Arctic World Archive is situated within...

The bodies of two UN experts who went missing in the Democratic Republic of Congo this month have been found, the United Nations said in a statement Tuesday. UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres said UN peacekeepers discovered the bodies of US citizen Michael Sharp and Swedish national Zaida Catalan on Monday outside the city of Kananga. The body of their Congolese interpreter, Betu Tshintela, was also discovered with them. A Congo government official told CNN that Catalan's body was found decapitated, but Sharp and Tshintela were not beheaded. Their cause of death is not determined, according to government spokesman Lambert Mende....

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — German candymaker Haribo, which is known for its brightly colored gummy bears and bow tie-wearing gold bear mascot, plans to build its first North American factory in southeastern Wisconsin not far from Chicago, Gov. Scott Walker announced Thursday. The facility is slated to be operational by 2020 and employ 400 people once fully up and running, Walker and economic development officials said. An exuberant Walker held up two bags of Haribo candy during a Capitol news conference, but declined to actually eat any because he said he gave up sweets for Lent. The $242 million candymaking...