Free Republic

How about a little Barbara Walters... "If you could be a tree, what kind of chainsaw should we use to cut you down?"

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Will NBC change the slogan on Thursday Nights to "Must CDC TV" now?
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I hate to admit it, but the Taliban is right. We've killed civilians in our air attacks on their country and we'd better answer their demands.

Sadly, however, the person responsible for these attacks is Vice President Dick Cheney. As of the initial bombing raids we really don't have any idea where he is at this time, so we can't hand him over. The Secret Service grabbed him and ran off with him like they always do when he and Bush need to be separated. Besides, as a guest to this country...

What? We do have an idea where he is? The Secret Service called in... okay!

Oh, it's an undisclosed location. Sorry, Taliban, but we can't hand him over just yet. We have him in the country, but we're not quite sure where he is. Is that good enough?

Stop your caterwauling and just relax, dude. If you present enough evidence against him, we might just release some more aid workers and journalists that we're holding back...

So what does Bush ban first, boxcutters or RIM Blackberries?

And why is it that document-stealing-and-spamming viruses like ILOVEYOU always manage to grab confidential information from retarted Disney executives and careless Uzbecki generals and it never effects these naughty-naughty terrorist types? All terrorists can't be using Linux Office, can they?

Well at least Regis Philbin can add him to Phone-A-Terrosist in the "Who Wants To Be An Exiled Saudi Millionaire" show during sweeps week.

It made rec.humor.funny...
RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

I actually considered Jim Jones as an example, but I couldn't think of some funny way to spin the carnage he wrought. Was the Congressman killed a Republican or Democrat? I can't remember... the reporter was ABC, though.

Andrea Yates and the N.O.W. willing to defend her actions as post-partum depression and temporary insanity was just too much of a stretch. Drowning 5 kids isn't funny.

But insane suicidal web developers cutting their nuts off to hitch a ride on a comet? Heck, add it on. (I remember when James Domengeaux posted heavensgate.com with "Now THAT'S what I call creating killer web sites!" His graphic artist Cajunman shaved his head on the spot to provide the face for the logo.)

But, hey, I gotta give credit to MY sources... the hot dogs thing may have been Erma Bombeck or Rosanne Barr, the Yoko Ono comment was from some Denis Leary routine, Braille on ATM may have been Carlin, and "crazy, kooky, nutty" just feels like Dennis Miller.

-ls/file13

Thanks for pointing this one out to me.

I wonder where else this has ended up.

-ls/file13
(Who voted for Nader, so I guess that's a vote for Bush?)