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  • President Urges Consumers to “Get used to Higher Gas Prices”

    04/10/2011 12:51:29 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 31 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 9 April 2011 | John Semmens
    Calling higher prices “a key incentive for conserving,” President Obama told an audience of 500 employees at the Gamesa Technology Corp., a wind turbine manufacturing plant in Pennsylvania, that “we need to get used to higher gas prices for the sake of our environment.” “There is no gain without at least a little pain,” the President argued. “Paying a few dollars more at the pump will encourage people to cut back on unnecessary trips and use public transit when they have to travel. If we’re going to save the planet we all have to make sacrifices.” As an example of...
  • Government Shutdown Won’t Affect Congressional Pay

    04/09/2011 12:40:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies · 1+ views
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 April 2011 | John Semmens
    While various segments of the federal government face defunding in the event of a government shutdown, Congressional pay won’t be affected. In an effort to deflect political repercussions, several members of Congress (including House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio) have sworn to forgo their paychecks for the duration of any shutdown, Representative Linda Sánchez (D-Calif) won’t be one of them. “I can’t afford to go one day without my salary,” Sánchez declared. “Like most Americans, I live paycheck-to-paycheck. I have a two-year-old son. I have expenses. I need this money. Voters who elected me gave me a right to this money....
  • Wisconsin Election Turnaround ‘Unprecedented’ Says Union

    04/09/2011 11:56:57 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 54 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 9 April 2011 | John Semmens
    Wisconsin union officials are calling the post-election correction of an error that converted a 200-vote deficit into a 7,000-vote lead for the conservative candidate, incumbent Justice David Prosser, for the state Supreme Court judgeship “unprecedented.” “In every other instance in which previously uncounted or miscounted votes have been brought to light it has been to the benefit of the progressive candidate,” claimed Christine Lamitina, spokeswoman for the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) of Wisconsin. “Is this election in Wisconsin going to be the exception that contradicts a well-established history?” Lamitina appealed for President Obama to “step in and right the...
  • GOP Bid to Cut Funding to Planned Parenthood Called “Anti-Constitutional”

    04/09/2011 5:29:53 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 35 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 9 April 2011 | John Semmens
    In explaining why Democrats are willing to shut down the federal government rather than accede to Republican demands that one of the cuts to the deficit be funding for Planned Parenthood, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid characterized the demands as “anti-Constitutional.” “I’m not saying that it rises to the level of unconstitutional,” Reid said. “But it’s pretty darn close. A woman’s right to terminate her pregnancy falls clearly within the ‘pursuit of happiness’ clause. Her right to fully enjoy her body without fear of unwanted consequences is fundamental to our way of life. I can think of no better place...
  • Political Vetting of FOIA Requests Assailed/Defended

    04/04/2011 9:20:40 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    House Oversight and Government Reform Committee Chairman Representative Darrell Issa’s (R-Calif) complaint that the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is injecting political bias into the process of responding to freedom of information requests was dismissed as “sour grapes” by Representative Gerald Connelly (D-Va). “Inasmuch as representative Issa himself has characterized DHS’ actions as ‘Nixonian’ I can’t see what his beef is,” Connelly argued. “Nixon was a Republican President. Now the shoe is on the other foot. So what?” “Using a political compass to guide the agency’s response to requests for public documents is unlawful,” Issa asserted. “The fact that a...
  • President Justifies Bypassing Congress on Libyan Attack

    03/26/2011 10:22:52 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 March 2011 | John Semmens
    President Obama rebuffed critics of his approval of military attacks on the armed forces of Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhaffi. “Let me say first that the assertion that I should have consulted Congress prior to authorizing our military intervention is based on an incorrect premise,” the President said. “It’s true that only Congress can declare war. However, there is no war. What I have authorized is best defined as ‘Kinetic Military Action.’” Thus far, the “Kinetic Military Action” has entailed missile attacks on the tanks, troops, and aircraft deployed by Gadhaffi’s army. Though these types of attacks are among the actions...
  • Senator Says Republicans Abuse Constitutional Freedoms

    03/26/2011 12:29:44 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 March 2011 | John Semmens
    In a speech before a gathering at Planned Parenthood, Senator Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) asserted that Republicans who oppose a woman’s right to choose to terminate a pregnancy “don’t deserve the freedoms that are in the Constitution!” “The right to freedom of speech comes with an obligation to exercise it in a responsible manner,” Lautenberg insisted. “Using freedom of speech to advocate restrictions on a woman’s right to choose is an abuse that ought to be prohibited.” While the Senator acknowledged that “prohibiting such an abuse is currently blocked by the Constitution’s First Amendment. So, for now, we’ll have to let...
  • Illinois Governor Signs Legislation Limiting Death Penalty

    03/13/2011 7:04:39 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 12 March 2011 | John Semmens
    People’s Republic of Illinois Governor Pat Quinn (D) signed legislation that would restrict the imposition of the death penalty in his state to those under nine months of pre-birth age. The signing was accompanied by the commutation of the sentences of all those currently on “death row” in the state’s prisons. The Governor rejected arguments that the heinous acts committed by those sentenced to death might warrant the punishment. “The inhumanity of the death penalty has been a blot on our society for too long,” Quinn said. “We have been subjecting human beings to anxiety and terror. Being held behind...
  • No One Can Make Me Issue Drilling Permits, Says Interior Secretary

    03/07/2011 3:32:49 PM PST · by John Semmens · 50 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 5 March 2011 | John Semmens
    Despite two court findings that his Department’s refusal to issue offshore drilling permits violates the law, Interior Secretary Ken Salazar remains defiant. “If anyone wants to drill they need a permit from me,” Salazar said. “If I don’t want to issue a permit, no one can make me.” The Secretary brushed aside the court rulings as “impotent posturing.” “I see that the court says I’m in the wrong,” Salazar observed. “So what? What are they going to do, send someone to arrest me? Oh wait, the ‘arresting officers’ report to the Chief Executive, not the court. Sorry, I guess the...
  • Gaza Government Urges Boycott of Holocaust Lessons

    03/06/2011 10:12:50 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 5 March 2011 | John Semmens
    The Hamas dominated government of Gaza urged school children to cut classes if the subject of the Holocaust is brought up in human rights lessons. The lessons are part of a United Nations’ program aimed at increasing literacy among the 200,000 children enrolled in the UN-run schools in Gaza refugee camps. Gaza Education Minister Mahammad Ashquol complained that “the UN is overstepping its boundaries by exposing our children to this Zionist filth. It is bad enough that the much needed extermination of the Jewish pestilence was short-circuited before its completion, but its portrayal as a crime against humanity is a...
  • Islamic Shooting Not Terrorism Says White House Spokesman

    03/05/2011 10:48:21 AM PST · by John Semmens · 56 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire | 5 March 2011 | John Semmens
    Arid Uka’s shooting spree that killed two US Air Force members in Germany won’t be classified as an act of terror said Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney. This comes despite Uka’s declaration on his Facebook page that he is “a holy warrior against unbelievers” and wants to “strike fear into the hearts of the enemies of Islam.” “The President isn’t terrified,” Carney announced. “I’m not terrified. Are you terrified? If nobody’s terrified how can it be an act of terrorism?” By refusing to classify the attack as an act of terror, the Administration keeps intact its unblemished record of “zero”...
  • Senators’ Bid to Force Governor to Accept High-Speed Rail Money Fails

    03/05/2011 6:29:01 PM PST · by John Semmens · 42 replies
    A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 5 March 2011 | John Semmens
    The effort of State Senator Thad Altman (R) and Arthenia Joyner (D) to have the court compel Governor Rick Scott (R) to accept $2.4 billion in federal money for the construction of high-speed rail in the state was unanimously rejected when the Florida Supreme Court ruled that “by both federal and state law, the Governor is authorized to make this decision.” Senator Altman called the decision “devastating for the State of Florida. Perhaps the Governor is within his legal rights to reject this money, but the consequences will be felt by every person in the state. Even if the Governor...
  • We Shouldn’t Fear Muslim Brotherhood, Carter Says

    02/20/2011 12:49:11 PM PST · by John Semmens · 21 replies
    Former US President Jimmy Carter sought to reassure everyone that “the Muslim Brotherhood is not a group we should be afraid of. From my dealings with some of their representatives I can assure you that they are pious and devout people who only want to promulgate their faith as instructed by their holy book—the Quran.” That the Quran commands Muslims to offer nonbelievers the options of conversion, second-class citizenship, or death didn’t faze the ex-president. “Each faith has its own path,” Carter instructed. “The Muslim obligation to make war for Islam and the Christian belief in ‘turning the other cheek’...
  • Obama Administration Won’t Cooperate with Congressional Inquiries

    02/19/2011 1:23:41 PM PST · by John Semmens · 16 replies
    A request by Representative Darrell Issa (R-Calif), Chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, for testimony on the President’s “stimulus package” was rejected by the White House. At issue was the so-called Romer-Bernstein report (authored by Jared Bernstein, Vice President Joe Biden’s top economic adviser, and Christina Romer, the former head of the White House Council of Economic Advisors). The report portrays the stimulus package as a great success. The White House has cleared Romer and Bernstein to appear on television to discuss it. “If they can go on TV why can’t they testify in Congress?” asked...
  • Obama Administration Rebuffs Opposition by Court and Congress

    02/12/2011 5:25:59 PM PST · by John Semmens · 19 replies · 1+ views
    The Obama Administration is standing its ground in enforcing what it terms “the people’s mandate” despite opposition from two other branches of government. Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius brushed aside Federal Judge Roger Vinson’s decision that the President’s health care law is unconstitutional. “The nation’s health is too important an objective to be turned aside by the opinion of a single judge,” Sebelius asserted. “Voters elected the President who proposed this law and the Congress that enacted it. This mandate takes precedence over the views of the unelected branch of our government. So, until we hear otherwise...
  • Connecticut Birth Certificate Bill Assailed

    02/07/2011 11:35:46 AM PST · by John Semmens · 39 replies
    A bill introduced by Connecticut State Senator Michael McLachlan (R-Danbury) to require candidates for public office to provide genuine birth certificates before their names can be placed on the ballot was assailed by leading Democrats as “unwarranted” and “an insult to the President of the Untied States.” “The argument that this is just an extension of existing laws that require a person to show a birth certificate to obtain a driver’s license or attend a public school is bogus,” said Danbury Democratic Town Committee chairman Lynn Taborsak. “Making laws to determine the eligibility of ordinary people to do things like...
  • Obama Aide Defends Treating General as Waiter

    02/06/2011 10:59:52 AM PST · by John Semmens · 47 replies
    What observers took to be a gaffe was vigorously defended by Obama adviser Valerie Jarret. At a dinner hosted by the Alfalfa Club, Jarret asked a passing uniformed general to “bring me another glass of wine.” “They’re called ‘service men’ for Pete’s sake,” Jarret argued. “I’m a high-ranking advisor to their Commander-in-Chief. If I ask for something I should be served. It’s not like I’m asking them to take a bullet for me, although I believe it would be their duty to honor such a request.” read more... http://azconserv1.wordpress.com/2011/02/05/senator-urges-president-to-ignore-court-ruling/
  • Over 700 Exemptions from New Health Care Law Issued So Far

    02/06/2011 3:08:31 PM PST · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    The contention that President Obama’s health care law would provide a comprehensive solution to the nation’s health care needs is being contradicted on pretty much a daily basis by his Department of Health and Human Services where Secretary Kathleen Sebelius has already issued 733 exemptions. “We have the authority to waive compliance in cases where we deem it best,” Sebelius explained. “Parties that can make a proper case will get a fair hearing.” Thus far, “exemptees” include the Service Employees International Union (SEIU), the states of Massachusetts, New Jersey, Ohio and Tennessee, major corporations McDonald’s and Jack in the Box...
  • CPUSA Calls State-of the-Union Speech “Best Ever”

    02/05/2011 6:17:13 PM PST · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    The US Communist Party website called President Barack Obama’s recent “State-of-the-Union” speech “the best ever by a US President. President Obama’s grasp of economics was remarkably free of the usual capitalist nonsense that typically spews forth at such occasions. His call for government direction of investments in green technology evidenced an insight not seen since Stalin’s last five-year plan. Comrades, the day that true social justice comes to America cannot be far away.” read more... http://azconserv1.wordpress.com/2011/02/05/senator-urges-president-to-ignore-court-ruling/
  • Senator Urges President to Ignore Court Ruling

    02/04/2011 9:12:28 PM PST · by John Semmens · 83 replies
    Federal Judge Roger Vinson’s ruling that President Obama’s health care law is unconstitutional need not be obeyed says Senator Assistant Senate Majority Leader Dick Durbin (D-Ill). “The Courts aren’t the only ones authorized to decide the Constitutionality of the laws,” Durbin insisted. “We all—Congress and President, alike—take an oath to uphold the Constitution. Just because the Court has a different opinion doesn’t mean the President must accept it.” “This wouldn’t be the first time a President ignored a Court decision,” Durbin observed. “Back in the 1830s, President Jackson chose to ignore a Supreme Court decision—telling then Chief Justice John Marshall...