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OPINION Updated May 3, 2012, 7:41 p.m. ET 'Press 9 for More Options' Companies claim automated phone-answering systems save them millions. I have my doubts. By STEPHEN MOORE One of the deep mysteries of modern life is why, in a nation with some 14 million unemployed people, it has become nearly impossible to call a store, a business or a government agency and speak to a live human being. I'm not a Luddite; I don't rage against the machine; and I've always argued that the digital age is making life better in almost every way. But there are some things...

I don’t know about you, but I love to fly. Put me in a Boeing 707, a Douglas DC-8, or a Convair 990 and I’m literally in heaven. Once we’re safely aloft I sit back in my roomy, brocade-upholstered seat, loosen my tie, stretch my legs all the way out, and call that slender, honey-voiced 23-year-old stewardess in the attractive Pucci uniform over there to bring me a pillow, an aspirin, and an Old Fashioned. Later, she’ll give me a deck of cards and I and maybe even sit in the empty seat beside me for a hand of gin...

If you live in the western world and can breathe, you are a victim of "customer service hotline syndrome". Apostrophes are essential with this triple-misnomer: You are not treated like a customer, calling the response you get—if you get one—"service" is a supreme exercise in irony, and the evil seven-menu loop of low-grade on-hold music for upward of 15 minutes ("your call is important to us") puts the 'hotline' term beyond reach of parody. It takes superhuman effort to remain calm and civil with any customer representative who finally comes on the phone. Common decency demands that we try to...

Today we launch a major new series investigating the parlous state of customer service in Britain. We start on telecoms companies, which, despite being in the communications business, generate more complaints than any other industry. Britain's internet and phone companies show a shameful disregard for their customers - leaving 4.1 million people unhappy with their service every year. Official figures show that an incredible 3.3 million customers have been left waiting three months or more for their phone or broadband provider to resolve a problem.

Since I began radio broadcasting 27 years ago, I have tried to come up with ideas for New Year's resolutions for myself and my listeners. Virtually each time, I have advocated one resolution in particular: For every couple of letters of complaint or oral complaints we communicate about someone or about some company, we should write a letter or make a call to commend someone or some company. Did you complain about an airline or about a flight attendant in the past year? No problem. But if you have never cited an airline or a flight attendant for stellar performance,...

http://gethuman.com/ gethuman database See also get2human.com from Walt Tetschner. (info) credit finance government hardware insurance internet mobile pharmacy products shipping software stores telco travel tv/satellite us automotive back to top contact get human customer service AAA 800‑222‑4357 Press 0 at each prompt, ignoring messages. Alamo 800‑462‑5266 Direct to human. Allstate Motor Club $ 800‑869‑7997 Direct to human. Auto Zone $ 800‑288‑6966 Press 1; at prompt press 2; at prompt press 0. Avis $ 800‑230‑4898 Press 2. BMW 800‑831‑1117 Say "customer relations" and then press 1 for "vehicle" or 2 for "motorcycle." Budget Rent a Car $ 800‑527‑0700 Press 0. Buick $  @...

A reader writes: "Last night we were out with friends and went to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory at Bella Terra/Huntington Beach. We were eating outside as my 5 year old daughter got an uncontrollable urge to use the bathroom and began crying and screaming 'diarrhea, diarrhea.' I ran into the store with her in my arms, begging to use the bathroom and they refused multiple times." I explained she had diarrhea and couldn't hold it and told them she was about to go on the floor. They refused again and never offered me any alternatives. I begged them to...

BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Nov. 5, 2000.) Recently, I had a great idea while waiting on hold for Customer Service. That's pretty much all I do these days: wait for Customer Service. My call is important to them. They have told me this many times in a sincere recorded message. They can't wait to serve me! They will answer my call just as soon as they finish serving the entire population of mainland China. It's my own darned fault that I need to speak to Customer Service. We made a really stupid homeowner...

There comes a time when it is neccessary to replace those little rugs that surround the toilet bowl. This is NOT a light undertaking !!

Insulting British callers make operators sick By Amrit Dhillon in New Delhi Last Updated: 1:43am GMT 06/01/2008 British callers may be infuriated when they discover that the company they are telephoning has moved its customer service centre to India. But their frustration is as nothing compared with the heart attacks, ulcers and insomnia afflicting those on the other end of the line. Staff in call centres say they have been shocked at the ferocity of the verbal attacks they encounter Research carried out by India's booming call centre industry has found the 1.6 million people who work in them, mostly...

BOSTON -- A Framingham family said that it's being forced to pay for the cell phone of a deceased loved one. "I wondered how many other people had just agreed. You're tired and exhausted, and the last thing you want to do is fight with the cell phone company," said Tracey Stewart, of Framingham. It was a tough holiday season for Stewart. Her 66-year-old father died on Dec. 21 after a brief illness. This week, her husband, Bill, called Sprint to cancel his father-in-law from the cell phone family plan. "They said his contract wasn't up and to pay the...

If you're over 50, you've probably had this experience: You're standing at a checkout counter, ready to pay, and the twentysomething behind the register is talking on her cell phone. So you wait, and wait, and wait, and when the clerk finally finishes her conversation, she offers not an apology, but a grimace that suggests you've interrupted. Sound familiar? It has a name: the Service Gap. That's not a hip clothing store for soldiers. Or a new motto for the London subway system. It's business-speak to describe a phenomenon fueling plenty of holiday-shopping frustration: the difference in how baby boomers...

...Fear not, fellow Americans! In these dark days of war, pestilence and Paris Hilton, a new hero has arisen. She is none other than 75-year-old Mona "The Hammer" Shaw, who took the aforementioned implement to her local Comcast office in Manassas to settle a score, and boy, did she! This was after the company had scheduled installation of its much ballyhooed "Triple Play" service, which combines phone, cable and Internet services, in Shaw's brick home in nearby Bristow. But Shaw said they failed to show up on the appointed day, Monday, Aug. 13. They came two days later but left...

Get Human: How to Reach Customer Service via Telephone http://gethuman.com/us/ The gethuman project is a consumer movement to improve the quality of phone support in the US. This free website is run by volunteers and is powered by over one million consumers who demand high quality phone support from the companies that they use.

I was trying to contact the branch office of a nearby financial institution. I went to their web page, saw a link for a page on the locations, and saw information for the branch I was seeking. To my surprise, no phone number was listed, only driving directions. I eventually did call the branch, but had to go through the main number of the institution, and the operator put me through. If I were in charge of the web site, I would have put the local number of the branch. Or, if I wanted to funnel all calls through the...

An incredible video from CNBC shows an AOL customer trying to cancel his account, but a phone rep won't let him do it. What customer Vincent Ferrari got when he tried to cancel his account was a lot of frustration. It took him 15 minutes waiting on the phone just to reach a real, live person. And, what happened next was recorded by Ferrari on audio and lasted about four minutes:

"Click to rate any company below. Press Ctrl-F to search. See also alphabetic listing for printing ... "

Apple's corporate policy for dealing with unsolicited ideas may be changing. The company held a special meeting to discuss ways to improve its cold-hearted, boiler-plate response to any unsolicited improvements or suggestions submitted to the company, after it found out that it shattered a nine-year girl's heart. According to CBS 5 News, 9-year-old Shea O'Gorman wrote to Apple CEO Steve Jobs as her class was learning about writing business and formal letters. The third-grader wrote Jobs to offer suggestions on improving her iPod nano, such as adding song lyrics so listeners can sing along to their tunes. Although it took...

OSLO (AFP) - Irish budget airline Ryanair has been fined 500,000 Norwegian kroner (76,000 dollars, 63,000 euros) by the Norwegian consumer protection agency for unfair treatment of passengers.The agency said the airline had failed to improve customer care on three points on which Ryanair had previously been warned, NTB News Agency said Sunday.In February the agency, backed by consumer groups in Denmark, Finland and Sweden, petitioned Norway's commercial court, the Markedsraadet, over Ryanair's policy of charging high handling fees when refunding unused tickets or transferring tickets between passengers.The carrier was also criticized for being unclear towards travellers about liability rights...

Love the Big Apple, but Where’s Their Customer Service? © Rabbi Daniel Lapin New York, I am convinced, is the nation’s capital for appalling customer service. New Yorkers will tell you with pride that this is the famous New York attitude. Well I have just returned from another trip to New York and I don’t like the famous New York attitude. Make no mistake, I enjoy visiting New York. While there I inevitably encounter many stimulating minds and meet many charming people. For the most part, though, being a customer in New York is to be subjected to surliness. This...

I've had a couple of bad experiences recently that sharpened my worry about what life will be like for retirees in the future -- I fear that a catastrophe of declining standards of life is heading our way. I'm thinking about how bad it has gotten in terms of how customers are treated. A few days ago, I called the saleswoman at an auto dealer who sold me my last car a few years ago. I asked her to come over and show me the newest model of my car and told her if I liked it, I would buy...

NOIDA, India -- Debalina Das, a computer help-line agent in the southern Indian city of Hyderabad, punched the button last winter for a call from America. "You Indian slut," came the man's voice, the 22-year-old recounted, "in some -- Third World country, roaming about naked without food and clothes, what do you know about computers? Have you ever seen one ... ? This company is just saving money by outsourcing to Third World countries like yours." Das, who quit after four months, said she learned to dislike Americans. "Rarely there are people who are good," she said by e-mail, "but...

(Waterbury-AP, Nov. 18, 2005 6:35 AM) _ First, a McDonald's employee in Waterbury was accused of stabbing a co-worker in the neck. Now, a Burger King worker in nearby Watertown has been charged with slashing the throat of a customer who complained about a food order. Police have charged 41-year-old Harold Lewis with first-degree assault, after they arrived at the Main Street fast-food outlet to find the 34-year-old customer bleeding profusely. The victim is in serious condition at Waterbury Hospital. Tuesday at the McDonald's next to Waterbury's Brass Mill Mall, a male employee stabbed a female co-worker in the neck...

Althought the title is a bit overstated it is pretty close to my state of mind right about now. I have had a couple of bad run ins with some companies I have been doing business with for quite a while. The first is Bank One/Chase. I have been banking with Bank One, now Chase, for several years. Well, they got bought out by Chase, and this is part of my disatisfaction with them. I had recently made a credit purchase at Circuit City. I had the account about three months when all of a sudden I received a call...

The liberalisation of the Nineties, the IT boom of the 21st century, the WTO multi-fibre agreement in January 2005 — these and numerous other events have radically changed the Indian job market. So think before you send in your CV or plan your higher studies. Do some research. As a first step, read this. Hello, this is telecom: Riding on the back of falling call charges, a large number of private players and government deregulation the telecom sector is witnessing a huge demand for people. This is the best industry for you to have your nifty office in. Call now....

Dell's customers are lamenting about the company shutting down the Customer Care message boards that have long been part of its Dell Community Forum, with some wondering about Dell's service commitment. The moderated message boards, which allowed Dell customers to post and reply to questions about general order support, rebate status, warranty information or invoice questions, were shut down July 8. The company notified customers of the change on Monday with a posted message that referred customers to Dell's Order Status Web site or its online chat feature that promises to link consumers with a Dell Customer Care representative. Longtime...

EBay Losing Allure for Some EntrepreneursBy RACHEL KONRAD, AP Technology Writer Sun Jun 26, 9:56 PM ET SAN JOSE, Calif. - With roughly 150 million registered users, eBay Inc. ranks among the world's most powerful companies, online or otherwise. It had more than 1.4 billion items listed last year. For every $100 spent online worldwide, $14 was spent on eBay. But some say eBay's blockbuster growth has engendered arrogance. Entrepreneurs grumble that executives pander to big-ticket electronics vendors and industrial manufacturers — not the teddy bear enthusiasts and numismatists who were faithful a decade ago, when eBay was founded and...

An initiative supported by the national and provincial governments in South Africa to lure call centres of multinationals to this coastal city could impact on India's huge role in this field. Marc Spendlove, marketing director of one of the largest call centre companies in Cape Town, The Dialogue Group, said firms were showing a keen interest in the fast developing call centre industry in South Africa. Spendlove said one of the main reasons that could see South Africa getting an edge over India was the stability of the communication network in South Africa. He said India sometimes had communication breakdowns...

ELKO, Nevada - An Elko man was arrested today after using a double-headed ax to check out videos Friday at Blockbuster Video. Thomas Watts, 61, was arrested by an Elko police officer on charges of coercion and assault with a deadly weapon. His bail was set at $10,000. Watts tried to receive two free videos using two different promotional offers Friday and became upset when the clerk told him he could only receive one, according to the police report. The clerk told police Watts said "'We can fix this problem. I can go grab my ax out of the truck."'...

December 30, 2004 Customer Service: The Hunt for a Human By KATIE HAFNER RY to reach customer service at Amazon.com to fix a problem with an order and you will encounter one of the most prominent and frustrating aspects of the Internet era: a world devoid of humans. Not only is there no telephone number on Amazon's Web site, but the company makes a point of not including one. Instead, customers are asked to fill out an online form and wait for a response."It's incredibly annoying," said Ellen Hobbs of Austin, Tex., whose frustration has led her to publish...

This darn place is going to the dogs. As if the aisle-closing business wasn't bad enough, I have now encountered a new annoyance. The Home Depot has introduced self-check-out stations. Fair enough, and a convenience, if you have just small items & no complications. However, there are now situations -- I just encountered my second -- where Home Depot employees apparently feel that the self-check-out business relieves them of the need to man check-out stations altogether. If for some reason you can't check yourself out, there may be no regular check-out stations manned. (Personned, whatever.) I gotta stop using this...

Don't mention the water, demands 'Fawlty' hotelier. By Richard Savill (Filed: 06/02/2004) A hotel manager has been likened to Basil Fawlty for sending a scathing letter to a customer who complained about being charged for drinking water. Sally Burchell, 43, a social worker, wrote a letter of complaint after she was refused a free glass of tap water during an £18.50-a-head dinner at the three-star Atlantic Hotel in Newquay, Cornwall. She said she had been with more than 50 colleagues from the Cornwall child protection unit who had spent hundreds of pounds on wine and beer during their Christmas party....

January 30, 2004, 9:54 a.m. Fridays with Florence "Duh!" EDITOR'S NOTE: Oh, how we do miss "The Misanthrope's Corner" — like this February 5, 2001 beaut, in which the incomparable Florence King, savanting idiocy across the fruited plains, warns America that it is under attack — the Invasion of the Duh People! But will anyone listen! Of course, this column, and all of Miss King's curmudgeonly oeuvre for National Review, can be found, and enjoyed, in STET, Damnit, The Misanthrope's Corner, 1991 to 2002 here. The other day I made a phone call to reschedule an appointment with a new...

This post by Waylon has to do with this story: http://www.komotv.com/news/story_m.asp?ID=28700 Does This T-Shirt Send The Right Message? This article was published on FR, and also SPARC. I gave up trying to find the posted article here. As the result of being bombarded by emails, calls, and faxes by both sites, Bon-Macy's pulled the t-shirts off the shelves. Waylon spoke with a rep from the manufacturer of the shirts, David and Goliath. I got permission from Waylon before I posted this, and I think that many of you will find this company's attitude interesting and maybe a little disturbing... You...

<p>Ron Kaufman was the absolute wrong guy to put on hold.</p> <p>All he wanted was to talk to a real person to get help making a major change to his business-class tickets to London. But Expedia put him on hold. That was just the beginning of his journey into phone hell. The kindly operator who finally tried to help was, in turn, put on hold by yet another employee. Kaufman suddenly found himself in a double holding pattern.</p>

Something Special in the Air Posted: Tuesday, May 27, 2003 By James Suckling I am sitting on American Airlines Flight 1844, to Chicago from Santa Ana, Calif., as I write this story, and I am trying to control my rage. A Screwdriver has helped take off the edge. About 30 minutes ago, American Airlines agents took two empty S.T. Dupont X-tend lighters out of my checked-in bag, and said that they needed to be destroyed. They claimed they were "dangerous goods" that could endanger the lives of my fellow travelers -- apparently the equivalent of weapons of mass destruction in...

NEW YORK - Making arches more golden is easy; making your workers more professional is hard. That is the problem facing McDonald's, which has 30,000 restaurants and more than 360,000 employees around the world. Today, the Oak Brook, Ill.-based fast-food giant warned once again that it would see lower-than-expected profit. The world's biggest restaurant chain said it expects earnings of 38 cents to 39 cents per share in the third quarter, well below Wall Street's prediction of 42 cents per share, according to market research firm Thomson First Call. The news sent McDonald's shares down more than 10% in midday...

What cell phone service do you recommend and what service would you advise friends to steer clear of? I need something reliable that is also affordable.