Keyword: notfunny
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Ron DeSantis can save Australia. In Jim Cousen's dreams. In the spirit of Mark Twain and Huck Finn, I hope for the best from people but more often seem to cop their worst. God Bless Laughter. Tyrants fall when exposed as jokes.
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Once upon a time comedy was meant to make you laugh by poking fun at real life things. Things that may offend, and while most people laughed it off, it has become blasphemy to even consider talking about such things in today’s woke society. “Wokeness” has started to creep into the world by extreme Leftists, and real comedy has become a thing of the past. Saturday Night Live is a prime example, and if you thought it couldn’t get anymore woke, think again. The show added its first ever nonbinary cast member to the lineup who will make regular appearances...
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NAZI LAVROV | Cartoon Movement
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The US was rocked by a military and diplomatic earthquake on Monday after Chinese leaders revealed that the Middle Kingdom has constructed an N-bomb capable of reaching the mainland United States, and is prepared to use it. “If America persists in imposing its imperialist designs on China and the Chinese people, then China will not hesitate to respond with immediate deployment of the N-bomb,” Xi Jinping said in a speech to the Communist Party Congress. Foreign policy experts quickly labeled China’s announcement as the worst blow to American strategic freedom in the nation’s history. “America has built its entire foreign...
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PALM BEACH, FL—Sources close to Donald Trump reported him trudging from his home office and heading straight for the espresso machine for the fourth time in as many hours, as the bleary-eyed true president had stayed up all night on his newly-launched TRUTH social media platform to delete any post making fun of him. “Wrong! Deleted!” “I never said that! Deleted!” “Fake tan? More like fake news! Deleted!” Exclamations such as these reverberated through the spacious Florida mansion of the nation’s favorite president throughout the night, putting all residents on edge. Melania, affected by Trump’s all-nighter, was overheard screaming to...
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BEAVERTON, OR—After carefully listening to feedback from a growing chorus of three of their customers, Nike is making some long-awaited improvements to their 2022 women's swimwear line. Nike's new "Performance Series" of one-piece competitive women's swimsuits will feature extra room in the crotch for male genitalia. "We suddenly realized we weren't serving a very important segment of women competitors—those with male genitals," said Nike VP of Diversity and Inclusion Xandryx Bithrannamynx. "Now, women of all shapes and sizes will be able to compete in their favorite swim sports!" Several product designers at NIKE questioned the decision, as the new swimsuits...
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Over the last two years the deaths of actors, actress, celebrities, the rich and famous have been overshadowed by life under Covid-19 restrictions. For this reason, it is worth noting who among the well known are, in fact, still alive. Angela Landsbury, star of theater, movies, known for her lead role on the televsion series "Murder She Wrote", and the oldest living Academy Award Winner at 96 years young, is still very much alive.A spokesperson for Keith Richards said he has no comment at this time.
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KENOSHA, WI—As the Rittenhouse trial drew to a close, Antifa rioters were preparing their violent destruction of the city. But their plans were quickly foiled as Rittenhouse emerged from the courthouse a free man, AR-15 in hand. "The jig is up! Scatter!" cried the terrified commie waifs as they skittered toward shadowy alleyways like cockroaches. "The Rittenhouse has returned! Judgment is upon us! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Rittenhouse then appeared to descend the courthouse steps in slow motion, surrounded by a flock of doves and a heavenly golden light. At the terrifying sight, hundreds of Antifa fairies and murderous pedophiles...
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Shhh, It's a secret. I just got my notification from the World Health organization along with Bill and Melinda Gates that because of Covid I have won $1,000,000.00 in the Covid lottery. Now, all I have to do is send them proof of identification or passport number, contact address and email, nationality, occupation, and a blood sample (Okay, I made the last one up) My question is: Should I go ahead an finance a new car now, or wait until the check is deposited into my bank, and pay cash?
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God said, "Go down into that valley." And Adam said, "What's a valley?" and God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river" And Adam said "What's a river?" and God explained it to him. And then God said, "Go over the hill." And Adam said, "What's a hill?" and God explained it to him. Then God told Adam, "On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave," and Adam said, "what's a cave?" and God explained that to him. "In the cave you will find a woman." And Adam said, What's a woman?" So...
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(Washington, D.C.) Today, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has decided to introduce legislation banning fireworks nationwide since they are an obvious, blatant, in your face expression of support for all things Trump. Said an insider: “After studying the subject, AOC has decided to introduce in the near future, legislation that will ban the manufacture, sale, transport or possession of fireworks of any and all types in all 50 states and territories since they are expressions of all things Trump.” “We know that at the previous presidents inauguration, he enjoyed watching a waste of taxpayers money to the tune of millions and his...
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The vaccine door-to-door evangelists are coming for you! Luckily, we at The Babylon Bee are extremely anti-social, so we've got some great ways to scare off the vaccine missionaries trying to get you to accept Dr. Fauci as your lord and savior. Try one of these and let us know how it goes!* 1. Answer the door while casually cleaning your AR-15. - "Greetings, agent of the government! What can I do for you today?" 2. Wear a MAGA hat. - Works every time. 3. Sneeze violently and say you're starting to lose your sense of taste. - "Does this...
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In a surprise announcement today, Representative Rashida Tlaib (R-MI) has announced she is switching from the Democratic Party to the Republican Party because it's more in line with her core value of defunding the police. Her statement reads in part: "After recent revelations it's actually the Republicans calling for the defunding of police, I have decided, after much deliberation, to switch parties. The Republicans fall more in line with my core values of defunding the police, DHS,CPB and ICE." "The icing on the cake was when Jen Psaki confirmed at her press briefing it was in fact Republicans at the...
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The editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee had some harsh words for late-night comedians who he says have become unfunny 'self-righteous zealots' in thrall to a 'leftist religion'. 'Over the last decade, late-night hosts across the board began to lay aside their relatable, everyman's brand of comedy and pivot toward lecturing the crowd on their moral values,' wrote editor Kyle Mann in a scathing column for the National Review. 'They went from chasing laughter — no matter who the butt of the joke may have been — to chasing applause. The result has been anything but funny,' he added.
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HOUSTON, TX—Texans are struggling to keep warm amid a cold snap that has brought arctic temperatures to the region. Left with no other options, many Texans are being forced to cut open cattle with lightsabers and crawl inside to stay warm. One rancher and his ranch hand were forced to take these drastic measures when temperatures approached the level of springtime in Ohio and his horse froze before he reached the first marker. “This steer really smells bad, kid,” said the rancher to his shivering ranch hand. He then cut open the cow’s carcass and encouraged his employee to crawl...
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3 Snow People Dead After 1 Shot The Other 2 Then Himself Over Shoveling Snow! Snow In Snow Crime! Am sure this was posted but Tommy's opinion on this is both funny and truthful.
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Now, in an executive order that has been largely overlooked, President Biden not only is reversing the Trump policy, he's taking regulatory power a step further. Titled "Modernizing Regulatory Review," the order shows that for the Biden administration, regulatory power is more than a means of protecting lives and maintaining an even playing field. It's one of the primary means to advance the far-left agenda enacted in other executive actions since Inauguration Day, which base policy on race, gender equality and climate change rather than on what has worked historically to the benefit of everyone, whether rich or poor. The...
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Donald Trump is a political genius and he may yet find proof strong enough to convince SCOTUS to question the election result. but the questions of what a Biden presidency will be like and how best to respond to it must be asked. My suggestion is to laugh.
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Today Comrade Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr, (aka Bill De Blasio) ordered all Jews in New York City to wear Gold Stars on their face masks. The Comrade Mayor ordered the Gold Stars to enable NYC officials to identify and track Jews who are spreading the COVID19 disease. Reliable anonymous sources have identified NYC Jews as super-spreaders of the disease due to their unusual and unique customs and traditions. Comrade Mayor has made it known that if disease continues to increase in the NYC Jewish communities, and continues to threaten the City, they will be quarantined in special camps with special...
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