WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a press conference today, Press Secretary Jen Psaki reminded Americans that they must turn in their permission slips for eating a delicious grilled July 4th hot dog by this Friday. "We know you people enjoy your hot dogs, but it is the top priority of this administration that you enjoy this food safely," said Psaki cheerfully. "With the COVID risks involved in gathering around the grill and the choking risks of eating processed meat, we ask that you please get a slip signed by your mommy, daddy, or local magistrate before partaking." Those who fail to turn in...