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The Trojan Twinkie caper BY DAVE BARRY I'll tell you when I start to worry. I start to worry when ''officials'' tell me not to worry. This is why I am very concerned about the following Associated Press report, which was sent to me by a number of alert readers: 'RICHLAND, WASH. -- Radioactive ants, flies and gnats have been found at the Hanford nuclear complex, bringing to mind those Cold-War-era `B' horror movies in which giant mutant insects are the awful price paid for mankind's entry into the Atomic Age. Officials at the nation's most contaminated nuclear site insist...

CHICAGO - Twinkies, they're not just for dessert anymore. The new "Twinkies Cookbook" has recipes for everything from a Twinkie Burrito to Twinkie Lasagna. Theresa Cogswell compiled about 50 recipes for the book. Many were submitted to Hostess, as part of Twinkies' 75th anniversary celebration last year. Cogswell tells Illinois' Daily Southtown newspaper that one of her favorites is a berry-laden Patriotic Twinkie Pie. It's red, white and blue. Cogswell says it makes a great centerpiece for a Fourth of July picnic, which you can also eat for dessert.

The front page of Saturday's Style section in the Washington Post carried an article on commencement addresses by Don Oldenburg. But the really amazing nugget came about 25 paragraphs in: Most universities settle for small-splash speakers such as state politicians or captains of local industry, but others aggressively enter the celebrity lottery. Generally this means bestowing an honorary degree and covering travel expenses, rather than paying a fee...But some offer big bucks. Katie Couric, the soon-to-be CBS anchor, will receive $110,000 to speak at the University of Oklahoma's commencement -- all paid for from private funds, the university emphasizes. Often,...

BLUE HILL, Maine Aug. 12, 2004 — A Twinkie standing the test of time on the edge of a blackboard may be a retiring science teacher's lasting legacy. Roger Bennatti developed a reputation as an innovative teacher during his 31-year career at George Stevens Academy, using new methods to introduce students to subjects he loved. But the legend of the Twinkie looms over all. Speckled with bits of mold, the bright yellow cake still adorns his lab, but Bennatti only vaguely remembers why he kept the Twinkie so long. "We wanted to see what the shelf life of a Twinkie...

Right-wing pundits play doctor; diagnose Gore as "insane" Responding to former Vice President Al Gore's May 26 speech (sponsored by MoveOn.org and delivered at New York University), in which Gore called for the resignation of six top Bush administration officials, right-wing pundits seemed to read from the same anti-Gore script: resorting to satirical speculation about his psychiatric state -- in one case, attacking the speech itself as "hate speech" and, in another case, as eliciting "the biggest cheers ... from caves in Afghanistan and diehards in Fallujah." Charles Krauthammer, on FOX News Channel's Special Report with Brit Hume, on May...

SFGate.com, the Web site of The San Francisco Chronicle, suspended three staffers for a column that the site's boss said was "grotesquely outside the standards that we have." Robert Cauthorn, vice president of digital media for The Chronicle, suspended writer Mark Morford, news editor Vlae Kershner and features editor Amy Moon for a week for their role in the incident.

"Lammentations of a Dieter" Posted by Doc Farmer < http://www.chronwatch.com/site_search.asp?auth=90 > Saturday, May 24, 2003 I've made no secret of the fact that I'm fat, bald, and ugly. For those who think I'm putting myself down, though, I'm not. There's a difference between that and simple honesty of self. If I can't be honest with myself, how can I be expected to be honest with anybody else? That said, though, I don't like being fat. Bald is okay, mind you (thank God for the Gillette Mach 3) and ugly keeps me from being mistaken for a Hollywood type. But fat...