Ten Most Heinous Christmas Songs Ever

Victory Girls Blog ^ | 12/21/17 | Toni Williams

[x1stcav]

In a few days, the pain will stop. The pain, that is, of awful and most heinous Christmas songs. I already know that I am going to Hell. Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright said that I was going to Hell because I didn’t support Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. My friends and I are renting a party bus.

We won’t be listening to Christmas Songs on the bus. They are headache inducing. Self-explanatory

I hereby propose that the following Christmas songs have achieved a level of heinousness that would cause my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to shove a dreidel directly in his brain. Jesus probably doesn’t mind the “Dreidel Song”, he is gonna get Adam Sandler for the “Hanukkah Song”, for sure. Sorry, I got off track there. Jesus celebrated Hanukkah and, my mind wandered away.

[Yaelle]

Paul McCartney is not bright. He is a good tunester.

[Yaelle]

And yeah, if Santa loved me he’d beat Bruce Springsteen on the throat with a ballbat for Christmas. Wait a minute, maybe he already did...

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Oh no you di’int. Great line! Santa loves you!

[CodeToad]

Bob Rivers and Twisted Radio turns all Christmas songs upside down and inside out funny!

[Hardastarboard]

Wonderful Christmastime by McCartney

+1 to the 4,000,000th power

[T-Bone Texan]

Why does no one remember “Christmas is the Time To Say I Love You” by Billy Squier?

Does no one here laud the classics?

You people appear to be godless heathens.

[T-Bone Texan]

I dunno why, but I a will always equate the song Last Christmas with gay butt secks and dying of AIDS.

Yes, I’m fun at family gatherings, and the homos in my family are especially happy to see me.

[Overwatcher]

I agree completely, and further all of Europe is doomed (except Hungary and the Czechs and Poles - they get it, but are facing enormous pressure from the worthless EU).

[T-Bone Texan]

Thank you for referencing Robert Earl Keene.

That song is truly the official Christmas song of Texas.

For those unaware of his awesomeness, I include the first 2 stanzas. I LOVE the references to AA, blended families, and Mexican boyfriends.

Mom got drunk and dad got drunk
At our Christmas party
We were drinkin' champagne punch
And homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him
'Til he sang Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife, Lynn
And the two identical twins
From his second wife, Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kaye
Who talks all about AA
Chain smokin' while the stereo plays
Noel, Noel, the first Noel

I'm no fag, but this song makes me a little blurry. It is the Christmas song that means the most to me on the entire planet. It speaks to my experience.

Merry Christmas and may God Bless you all.

[Governor Dinwiddie]

In addition the auditory torture of "Little Drummer Boy", the logical dissonance of the story drives me nuts!

I can just imagine Mary's husband Joseph, a working class guy, a carpenter, taking the kid to task,

"Listen up you little S.O.B., What the H are you doing banging on that friggin' drum? My wife just went through childbirth, it's freezing cold here late at night, and we all just want to get some sleep. If you keep it up you're going to wake the kid. For the love of Christ lay off of that drum!"

[Yaelle]

Good point!! Lol!

[EdnaMode]

Perfect. :D

[dfwgator]

As soon as Charlie heard that song, they knew they’d win the war.

[dfwgator]

I can just imagine Mary's husband Joseph, a working class guy, a carpenter, taking the kid to task, "Listen up you little S.O.B., What the H are you doing banging on that friggin' drum? My wife just went through childbirth, it's freezing cold here late at night, and we all just want to get some sleep. If you keep it up you're going to wake the kid. For the love of Christ lay off of that drum!"

The kid replied, "I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day."

[dfwgator]

“HE GOT WEED! HE GOT WEED!”

Funniest skit ever, what happened to you, Chris?

[rlmorel]

If you listen further, it sounds to me like she is saying "HE GOT WEED! HE GOT WEED! HE GOT IT UP HIS A**!" It makes me remember often: Never drive with a Mad Woman!

[MayflowerMadam]

“Little Drummer Boy”.
Worst.
Christmas.
Song.
Ever!

[dfwgator]

Wonderful Christmas time is the worst! Hard to believe it’s by one of the Beatles.it’s so simple and stipid.

I don't think the song itself is so bad, it's the cheesy keyboards in it that ruin the song.

[dfwgator]

I’ll go you one further

Reggae Christmas by Bryan Adams (yes, that Bryan Adams!).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4_4DOEvQ4E

[Bonemaker]

Just had two more come on the radio to add: Spike Jones “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus” and Dinah Shore/Buddy Clark “Baby it’s cold outside”. All involved should be executed.

[Qiviut]

Lullay Lullie .... the Coventry Carol. I believe our church choir sings this at Christmas services. I’ll have to check out the other two.

This is a modern song that I fell in love with a couple of Christmases ago. I’d never heard of it until my niece was singing the solo part during a Christmas concert.

BarlowGirl - Hallelujah (Light Has Come)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SarPJv6rUiQ