Posted on 09/26/2006 10:01:08 AM PDT by HuntsvilleTxVeteran
Whoopie! It's football season! Fall weather! Cookouts! Picnics! Best socializing of the year! Here is the traditional collegiate football quiz to begin the season. Even though you may know most of the answers, it is still fun to reminisce the halcion days of yore.
1) What does the average Alabama player get on his SAT's?
.........Drool.
(2) What do you get when you put thirty-two Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
........A full set of teeth.
(3) How do you get a South Carolina cheerleader into your dorm room?
........Grease her hips and push.
(4) How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?
........Pay him for the pizza.
(5) How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a
girlfriend?
.......There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.
(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?
........Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
(7) What are the longest three years of an Auburn football player's
life?
........His freshman year.
(8) How many LSU Freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
.......None -- that's a sophomore course.
(9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?
....... Oxford, MS he knew that the police would never
look at Ole Miss for a Heisman Trophy winner.
AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)
(10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
.........You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on
Sunday, and picking up trash along the highway the rest of the week.
Extra Credit. What year, who won and score?
Hint! "On the Banks!"
ROTFLMAO. Thanks.
HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.
At GEORGIA: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.
At FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.
At ALABAMA: it takes five, one to change it, two to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator and one to throw the other old bulb at Fulmer.
At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five semester hours.
At KENTUCKY: it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.
At TENNESSEE: it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.
At MISSISSIPPI STATE: it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".
At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.
At SOUTH CAROLINA: it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.
At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
I'm feeling left out here.
From the 1969 Howard Cosell special: 'Football: 100 Years and Still Kicking'.
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