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The Killing of Julius Caesar "Localized"
Mark Twain Short Story | 03-14-2009 | Captain Peter Blood

Posted on 03/14/2009 6:31:51 PM PDT by Captain Peter Blood

Being the only true and reliable account ever published; taken from the Roman "Daily Evening Fasces," of the date of that tremendous occurrence.

Nothing in the world affords a newspaper reporter so much satisfaction as gathering up the details of a bloody and mysterious murder and writing them up with aggravating circumstantiality. He takes a living delight in this labor of love--for such it is to him, especially if he knows that all the other papers have gone to press, and his will be the only one that will contain the dreadful intelligence. A feeling of regret has often come over me that I was not reporting in Rome when Caesar was killed--reporting on an evening paper, and the only one in the city, and getting at least twelve hours ahead of the morning-paper boys with this most magnificent "item" that ever fell to the lot of the craft. Other events have happened as startling as this, but none that possessed so peculiarly all the characteristics of the favorite "item" of the present day, magnified into grandeur and sublimity by the high rank, fame, and social and political standing of the actors in it.

However, as I was not permitted to report Caesar's assassination in the regular way, it has at least afforded me rare satisfaction to translate the following able account of it from the original Latin of the Roman Daily Evening Fasces of that date--second edition:

Our usually quiet city of Rome was thrown into a state of wild excitement yesterday by the occurrence of one of those bloody affrays which sicken the heart and fill the soul with fear, while they inspire all thinking men with forebodings for the future of a city where human life is held so cheaply and the gravest laws are so openly set at defiance. As the result of that affray, it is our painful duty, as public journalists, to record the death of one of our most esteemed citizens--a man whose name is known wherever this paper circulates, and where fame it has been our pleasure and our privilege to extend, and also to protect from the tongue of slander and falsehood, to the best of our poor ability. We refer to Mr. J. Caesar, the Emperor-elect.

The facts of the case, as nearly as our reporter could determine them from the conflicting statements of eye-witnesses, were about as follows:- The affair was an election row, of course. Nine-tenths of the ghastly butcheries that disgrace the city nowadays grow out of the bickerings and jealousies and animosities engendered by these accursed elections. Rome would be the gainer by it if her very constables were elected to serve a century; for in our experience we have never even been able to choose a dog-pelter without celebrating the event with a dozen knockdowns and a general cramming of the station-house with drunken vagabonds overnight. It is said that when the immense majority for Caesar at the polls in the market was declared the other day, and the crown was offered to that gentleman, even his amazing unselfishness in refusing it three times was not sufficient to save him from the whispered insults of such men as Casca, of the Tenth Ward, and other hirelings of the disappointed candidate, hailing mostly from the Eleventh and Thirteenth and other outside districts, who were overheard speaking ironically and contemptuously of Mr. Caesar's conduct upon that occasion.

We are further informed that there are many among us who think they are justified in believing that the assassination of Julius Caesar was a put- up thing--a cut-and-dried arrangement, hatched by Marcus Brutus and a lot of his hired roughs, and carried out only too faithfully according to the program. Whether there be good grounds for this suspicion or not, we leave to the people to judge for themselves, only asking that they will read the following account of the sad occurrence carefully and dispassionately before they render that judgment.

The Senate was already in session, and Caesar was coming down the street toward the capitol, conversing with some personal friends, and followed, as usual, by a large number of citizens. Just as he was passing in front of Demosthenes and Thucydides' drug store, he was observing casually to a gentleman, who, our informant thinks, is a fortune-teller, that the Ides of March were come. The reply was, "Yes, they are come, but not gone yet." At this moment Artemidorus stepped up and passed the time of day, and asked Caesar to read a schedule or a tract or something of the kind, which he had brought for his perusal. Mr. Decius Brutus also said something about an "humble suit" which he wanted read. Artexnidorus begged that attention might be paid to his first, because it was of personal consequence to Caesar. The latter replied that what concerned himself should be read last, or words to that effect. Artemidorus begged and beseeched him to read the paper instantly!--[Mark that: It is hinted by William Shakespeare, who saw the beginning and the end of the unfortunate affray, that this "schedule" was simply a note discovering to Caesar that a plot was brewing to take his life.]--However, Caesar shook him off, and refused to read any petition in the street. He then entered the capitol, and the crowd followed him.

About this time the following conversation was overheard, and we consider that, taken in connection with the events which succeeded it, it bears an appalling significance: Mr. Papilius Lena remarked to George W. Cassias (commonly known as the "Nobby Boy of the Third Ward"), a bruiser in the pay of the Opposition, that he hoped his enterprise to-day might thrive; and when Cassias asked "What enterprise?" he only closed his left eye temporarily and said with simulated indifference, "Fare you well," and sauntered toward Caesar. Marcus Brutus, who is suspected of being the ringleader of the band that killed Caesar, asked what it was that Lena had said. Cassias told him, and added in a low tone, "I fear our purpose is discovered."

Brutus told his wretched accomplice to keep an eye on Lena, and a moment after Cassias urged that lean and hungry vagrant, Casca, whose reputation here is none of the best, to be sudden, for he feared prevention. He then turned to Brutus, apparently much excited, and asked what should be done, and swore that either he or Caesar would never turn back--he would kill himself first. At this time Caesar was talking to some of the back- country members about the approaching fall elections, and paying little attention to what was going on around him. Billy Trebonius got into conversation with the people's friend and Caesar's--Mark Antony--and under some pretense or other got him away, and Brutus, Decius, Casca, Cinna, Metellus Cimber, and others of the gang of infamous desperadoes that infest Rome at present, closed around the doomed Caesar. Then Metellus Cimber knelt down and begged that his brother might be recalled from banishment, but Caesar rebuked him for his fawning conduct, and refused to grant his petition. Immediately, at Cimber's request, first Brutus and then Cassias begged for the return of the banished Publius; but Caesar still refused. He said he could not be moved; that he was as fixed as the North Star, and proceeded to speak in the most complimentary terms of the firmness of that star and its steady character. Then he said he was like it, and he believed he was the only man in the country that was; therefore, since he was "constant" that Cimber should be banished, he was also "constant" that he should stay banished, and he'd be hanged if he didn't keep him so!

Instantly seizing upon this shallow pretext for a fight, Casca sprang at Caesar and struck him with a dirk, Caesar grabbing him by the arm with his right hand, and launching a blow straight from the shoulder with his left, that sent the reptile bleeding to the earth. He then backed up against Pompey's statue, and squared himself to receive his assailants. Cassias and Cimber and Cinna rushed, upon him with their daggers drawn, and the former succeeded in inflicting a wound upon his body; but before he could strike again, and before either of the others could strike at all, Caesar stretched the three miscreants at his feet with as many blows of his powerful fist. By this time the Senate was in an indescribable uproar; the throng of citizens is the lobbies had blockaded the doors in their frantic efforts to escape from the building, the sergeant-at-arms and his assistants were struggling with the assassins, venerable senators had cast aside their encumbering robes, and were leaping over benches and flying down the aisles in wild confusion toward the shelter of the committee-rooms, and a thousand voices were shouting "Po-lice! Po-lice!" in discordant tones that rose above the frightful din like shrieking winds above the roaring of a tempest. And amid it all great Caesar stood with his back against the statue, like a lion at bay, and fought his assailants weaponless and hand to hand, with the defiant bearing and the unwavering courage which he had shown before on many a bloody field. Billy Trebonius and Caius Legarius struck him with their daggers and fell, as their brother-conspirators before them had fallen. But at last, when Caesar saw his old friend Brutus step forward armed with a murderous knife, it is said he seemed utterly overpowered with grief and amazement, and, dropping his invincible left arm by his side, he hid his face in the folds of his mantle and received the treacherous blow without an effort to stay the hand that gave it. He only said, "Et tu, Brute?" and fell lifeless on the marble pavement.

We learn that the coat deceased had on when he was killed was the same one he wore in his tent on the afternoon of the day he overcame the Nervii, and that when it was removed from the corpse it was found to be cut and gashed in no less than seven different places. There was nothing in the pockets. It will be exhibited at the coroner's inquest, and will be damning proof of the fact of the killing. These latter facts may be relied on, as we get them from Mark Antony, whose position enables him to learn every item of news connected with the one subject of absorbing interest of-to-day.

LATER: While the coroner was summoning a jury, Mark Antony and other friends of the late Caesar got hold of the body, and lugged it off to the Forum, and at last accounts Antony and Brutus were making speeches over it and raising such a row among the people that, as we go to press, the chief of police is satisfied there is going to be a riot, and is taking measures accordingly.

-THE END- Clemens] Mark Twain's short story: The Killing of Julius Caesar "Localized


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: brute; caesar; curiaofpompey; godsgravesglyphs; idesofmarch; juliuscaesar; marktwain; roman; romanempire; theaterofpompey
Well here we are again at that date of "Infamy" that certainly predates many other events of historical note.

Every year I send out a little missive to remind people of "The Ides of March" and the murder of Mighty Caesar in the Roman Senate on that dreadful day of March 15th, 44BC going by the Roman Julian Calendar. I have included an account of Julius Caesar's assassination by that master author Mark Twain. Tomorrow night I hope to hoist a glass of wine in Caesar's memory and you feel free to do the same.

1 posted on 03/14/2009 6:31:51 PM PDT by Captain Peter Blood
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To: Captain Peter Blood; SunkenCiv

Had the AP or CNN been around, the headline would have read:

“Experts - Talk radio to blame for Caesar’s Assassination”


2 posted on 03/14/2009 6:45:46 PM PDT by Perdogg (The difference between Madoff and the US Congress is about a trillion dollars)
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To: Captain Peter Blood
HAIL CAESAR!

Photobucket

3 posted on 03/14/2009 6:48:54 PM PDT by SkyDancer ('Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not..' ~ Thomas Jefferson)
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To: Captain Peter Blood
Not reported here was that because the Senators were so incompetent at killing someone themselves (they usually hired pros), and Caesars wounds so shallow it took him 3 hours 45 minutes to bleed out in agony.

True story.

4 posted on 03/14/2009 6:51:37 PM PDT by Mikey_1962 (Obama: The Affirmative Action President)
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To: Captain Peter Blood

It’s a shame it couldn’t have happened before that whole Library at Alexandria aflare...I mean, affair.


5 posted on 03/14/2009 6:51:55 PM PDT by gorush (History repeats itself because human nature is static)
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To: Captain Peter Blood

I will hoist a pint (or two) of Guinness in Caesar’s memory and because... the Ides of March is my birthday!


6 posted on 03/14/2009 7:02:06 PM PDT by Joe Marine 76 ("Quo Warranto Is The Way To Go!")
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To: Joe Marine 76

Good for you. Tomorrow morning I am doing a 13.5 mile Half Marathon Walk in the Little Rock Marathon here in Arkansas.
So I will have my Glass of wine later in the day when I recover from this event.
Have a “Grand” Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!


7 posted on 03/14/2009 7:06:25 PM PDT by Captain Peter Blood
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To: Captain Peter Blood
Et Tu, Brutus?

No, I ain't ate nothing yet!

Brother Dave Gardner

8 posted on 03/14/2009 7:07:20 PM PDT by HuntsvilleTxVeteran ((B.?) Hussein (Obama?Soetoro?Dunhem?), change America will die for.)
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To: Captain Peter Blood

Thank you, Sir.

Slainte’


9 posted on 03/14/2009 7:12:04 PM PDT by Joe Marine 76 ("Quo Warranto Is The Way To Go!")
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To: Perdogg

Better yet: “Bush did it!”


10 posted on 03/14/2009 7:55:09 PM PDT by lilylangtree (Veni, Vidi, Vici)
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To: Captain Peter Blood
LATER: While the coroner was summoning a jury, Mark Antony and other friends of the late Caesar got hold of the body, and lugged it off to the Forum, and at last accounts Antony and Brutus were making speeches over it and raising such a row among the people that, as we go to press, the chief of police is satisfied there is going to be a riot, and is taking measures accordingly.

And now the flames are hissing, and amid the roar of furnace and of bellows the head of the mighty Sejanus, the darling of the mob, is burning and crackling, and from that face, which was but lately second in the entire world, are being fashioned pipkins, basins, frying-pans, and slop-pails! Up with the laurel-wreaths over your doors! Lead forth a grand chalked bull to the Capitol! Sejanus is being dragged along by a hook, as a show and a joy to all! "What a lip the fellow had! What a face" - "Believe me, I never liked the man!" - "But on what charge was he condemned? Who informed against him? What was the evidence, who the witnesses, who made good the case?" - "Nothing of the sort; a great and wordy letter came from Capri." - "Good; I ask no more."

- Juvenal, Satire X

11 posted on 03/14/2009 8:22:28 PM PDT by dr_lew
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To: MozarkDawg

Pingus magnus.


12 posted on 03/15/2009 10:58:15 AM PDT by dighton
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To: Perdogg; StayAt HomeMother; Ernest_at_the_Beach; 1ofmanyfree; 21twelve; 24Karet; 2ndDivisionVet; ...

· join list or digest · view topics · view or post blog · bookmark · post a topic ·

 
Gods
Graves
Glyphs
Thanks Perdogg.
the surviving altar from the Temple to Julius Caesar, which was constructed on the site of his funeral pyre; fresh flowers and other commemoratives are left there to this day.

Julius Caesar Shrine
To all -- please ping me to other topics which are appropriate for the GGG list.
GGG managers are SunkenCiv, StayAt HomeMother, and Ernest_at_the_Beach
 

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13 posted on 03/15/2009 6:29:02 PM PDT by SunkenCiv (https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate/____________________ Profile updated Monday, January 12, 2009)
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To: SkyDancer

You’re showing your age, lol.


14 posted on 03/15/2009 9:12:26 PM PDT by Pelham (Just Doing Jobs Americans Won't Do.- GW Bush)
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To: Pelham

Actually not ... I’ll be 24 on the 25th. this month. I met Sid’s son - he’s a doctor working in Portland General ...


15 posted on 03/15/2009 9:48:07 PM PDT by SkyDancer ('Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not..' ~ Thomas Jefferson)
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To: Captain Peter Blood

Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in fer me!!


16 posted on 03/16/2009 4:30:19 PM PDT by Natufian (The mesolithic wasn't so bad, was it?)
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To: Captain Peter Blood

This thread is representative of why I love Free Republic. Where else could you have a discussion like this?


17 posted on 03/16/2009 10:09:53 PM PDT by malkee (Actually I'm an ex-smoker--two and a half years-- But I think about it every day.)
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To: Captain Peter Blood

The date will be July 23, 2009


18 posted on 03/19/2009 5:48:57 AM PDT by bert (K.E. N.P. +12 . John Galt hell !...... where is Francisco dÂ’Anconia)
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