Posted on 06/08/2007 4:04:02 AM PDT by theothercheek
The Stiletto worked her Hollywood sources, and learned the nature of the mysterious malady that got Paris Hilton sprung from jail after less than a week.
"Paris was born with anencephaly," explains a confidante of the Hilton family. "She wasn’t continually talking on her cell phone. She was listening to a pre-recorded message that prompted her to ‘Breathe in … breathe out. … Breathe in … breathe out.’" Since cell phones are banned in prison Paris kept forgetting to breathe, according to the knowledgeable source, and developed life-threatening hypoxia as a result.
Editorial Note: If President Bush has no intention of pardoning the unjustly convicted Scooter Libby, The Stiletto hopes that he can pull whatever strings he needs to so that Dick Cheney’s former chief of staff is assigned to serve his sentence at the Hilton mansion.
FYI: This is the last item in a feature called The Daily Blade, and follows articles tittled "Cigarette Marketing Is Not A Crime Against Humanity"; "Has Google Finally Gone Too Far?"; and "Will The Last Nigel Left In England Please Turn Out The Lights?"
Somebody in the mayor’s office or the chamber of commerce explained to the judge how much the town was gonna get sued for if Paris Hilton were to catch any sort of weird disease of suffer anything out of the ordinary in their prison....
What do you mean “catch” a disease? Who knows how diseased that skank already is.
Satire, not BS.
Well, what is BS is the fact that she had some medical condition that could not be treated in prison. Prisoners get chemo in the jail system and nothing Paris had is as serious as cancer. SHE is a cancer on our society’s morals but that’s another story ...
In a few hours she has to appear for a hearing so the judge can figure out what is going on here. I hope he transfers her to another facility that is less overcrowded and orders her to serve the full 45 days minus the five already served.
Heard on the radio this AM, ABC news. that the sheriff has been charged with contempt for releasing her.
Yay! Then that means that the judge - not the sheriff - has the last word on sentencing (some lawyer pundits were suggesting on Fox that the sheriff was in charge of the prison and could overrule the judge).
Nobody wanted Paris's blood on their hands. I'm not losing much sleep over it. 40 days confined to her lavish home will probably be absolute torture for the poor girl! At any rate, I still have $20 that says the paparazzi catch her out clubbing within two weeks.
Nope. She will make a conference call to the judge. Talk about power!
She sure remembers how to breathe when she’s driving drunk and then driving on a suspended license.
This is the most newsworthy article today. Yesterday it would have been buried by the 50 mph wheelchair story.
What’s more American than liberating Paris?
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