Posted on 08/28/2013 9:59:40 AM PDT by Kaslin
I spent last week driving across the country – all the way from Colorado to North Carolina. I started my trip in a liberal city and I ended my trip in a liberal city. Along the way, I saw a lot of stupid liberal bumper stickers. I thought of a lot of responses to those stupid bumper stickers. I also thought it would be a real crime if I didn’t share them with you. Here are my top ten.
1. This is Not a Medical Instrument. (This bumper sticker had a picture of a coat hanger on it). Thanks. I already knew that a coat hanger isn’t a medical instrument. That’s why a woman shouldn’t insert one into her vagina in order to kill her unborn child. I plan to get a bumper sticker with a gun on it saying “And this isn’t a medical instrument either. Keep it out of your vagina. And stop claiming a right to kill an innocent baby in a clean and sterile environment.” Unfortunately, it would take a bumper wider than the First Lady’s fanny to capture the idea.
2. How Can You Be Pro Life and Eat Dead Animals? I don’t know. I guess the same way I can drive by a dead squirrel on the highway but would feel compelled to stop if I saw a dead person. Similarly, I guess I can’t equate a dead squirrel with a dead baby. And, yes, I do shoot and eat squirrels. I’m from Mississippi. Don’t judge me. You don’t know what you’re missing.
3. Stop Global Warming. Ok, let’s do that. While we’re at it, let’s print bumper stickers saying “Stop Continental Drift.” It will remind people that every problem is a human problem with a government solution.
4. War is not the Answer. Ok. What was the question? I was fondling my new Taurus Judge when I saw that one. And stop honking at me in traffic while I’m busy reloading with a fresh batch of 45 long colts.
5. Love Wins. I saw that one on I-64 East somewhere in West Virginia. Who cares if she’s your cousin? Or even your little sister. Love wins! And pass the fried squirrel, Jethro!
6. I like my president like I like my coffee. Strong, Smooth, and Black. Oh, really? When did Michelle Obama get elected president? You can’t be talking about Barack. He’s not strong. In fact, when he turns sideways and sticks out his tongue, he looks like a zipper. He’s not smooth without a TelePrompTer. And saying he’s black is really only a half-truth.
7. Brake for Moose. This is educational. Every time I see a moose, I hit the accelerator and try to drive right through the thousand pound animal. But you’re saying I should brake instead. This is good information.
8. Question Authority. Ok, I spoke too soon. I didn’t see your “Question Authority” sticker next to the “Brake for Moose” sticker. Therefore, I’m going to have to question your authority and drive right through that moose. Or should I question your authority to tell me to question authority and just ignore you altogether? This is all so darned self-defeating. It’s sort of like an only child asking his brother for advice.
9. CHOICE. I can’t figure this one out. Does it celebrate God’s choice to give life to the unborn? Or does it celebrate mommy’s choice to take the life away so she can have a career? Does this mean all choices are intrinsically good? I need to know this because the sticker makes me want to “choose” to hit my accelerator and run into it like it was a big moose bull crossing the interstate.
10. COEXIST. Ok, wait a second. You’ve got a “COEXIST” sticker right next to your “CHOICE” sticker. So you think Muslims and Jews should just learn to coexist or, in the words of Rodney King, “all just get along?” Then, why can’t you just coexist with the unborn? If you can’t coexist forever, why not just coexist for a few months until birth. There are plenty of adoptive parents – most of whom don’t sport “COEXIST” bumper stickers – who would be willing to coexist with your child in a loving and supportive household. We can’t kill 22% of our children and then teach the remaining 78% that killing is wrong. War on the unborn is not the answer!
Just do me favor, liberal drivers. Go get a razor blade and take off all those stupid liberal bumper stickers. But please be careful not to cut yourself in the process. A razor blade is not a medical instrument. And stop questioning my authority to call you out on your sanctimonious hypocrisy.
Saw a new COEXIST bumper today, bit it said:
Coexist annoys me the most. Usually a pasty white girl or fag that will be the first ones raped and killed by the people they think are so great.
Free Tibet-Buy One Get One Free.
Good point
Not sure the wording is correct, but you get the idea...
“If You Think Education is Expensive, Try Ignorance”
And then, in honor of Obomba’s soon to be war in Syria...
“Who Would Jesus Bomb?”
That would be a good one
he he! Good one! Good for you!
Good one! Can I use it as a tagline??
i like my coffee like my president - weak, overhyped, expensive, and with half and half.
How about “I’m ready for Monica Lewinski’s boyfriend’s wife” instead (:
sure, i already like my own tag line. :-)
Ha, I like that one too. Thanks
“How can you be pro life and eat dead animals?
Because live animals run away when you stick a fork in them.”
Ding,Ding,Ding, we have a winner!!
I now have to clean the Pepsi off my keyboard!
not liberal stickers but good ones
My hubby has
Stop global whining
Stop Tectonic Plate movement
and
Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, who’s bringing the chips?
good ones!
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