NYC Inflates COVID-19 Death Toll [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 April 2020 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

This week, New York City added 3,700 deaths to its COVID-19 total. Mayor Bill de Blasio's press secretary Freddi Goldstein explained that "the Mayor pointed out that since the feds are paying $13,000 for each reported COVID-19 death we could improve the City's financial situation by attributing as many deaths to the virus as we could. So, we went through all the death certificates since the beginning of the year to see which could be plausibly revised to show COVID-19 as the cause of death."

"Let me give you a couple of examples to illustrate what we've done. In cases where a person died at home of natural causes, if that person was older than 65 or lived in a zip code where a majority of persons from that zip code who had been tested for the virus showed up positive for COVID, this person would be counted as having died of COVID. In cases where a person died in a hospital, if any of the nurses or doctors working at the hospital have tested positive for COVID, this person would be counted as having died of COVID. If a body is found on the street with no evidence of foul play, since New York City is a designated COVID hot spot, this person would be counted as having died of COVID."

"The $48 million in extra revenue from the federal government that we will earn from this reclassification will make a small dent in the deficit that is accruing from the lockdown," Goldstein added. "The extra COVID deaths may also help the City's case for an additional $7 billion in federal aid needed to restart the City's economy."

Meanwhile, Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-NY) admitted that "President Trump has delivered for New York. He has quickly responded to meet all of our needs. I just wish he wasn't so mean to me. He didn't have to mention that I passed up an opportunity to buy ventilators back in 2015. He didn't have to mentioned that I discounted the seriousness of the COVID-19 threat six weeks ago. He didn't have to be so public about having to make up for my errors when everybody else had already forgotten about them."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=398715.0

[Paul46360]

I KNOW this is real. CUOMO wants to CONTROL the country. HE uses FAKE numbers that DO NOT get questioned.