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Keyword: satire

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  • 🚨 Fetterman Drops a Bomb on Oprah:

    04/01/2026 12:09:00 AM PDT · by SmokingJoe · 21 replies
    X ^ | 03/31/2026 | GRANDPA'S FREE ADVICE
    🚨 Fetterman Drops a Bomb on Oprah: Senator John Fetterman just exposed how Oprah Winfrey allegedly tried to buy his vote on the “Big Beautiful Bill.” “She had her assistant approach me and offer me $20 million to vote against the bill,” Fetterman told the Senate Oversight Committee. “I told her that’s not how our country works.” He immediately informed Democrat leadership. Their response? “They swept it under the rug.” A Democrat senator turning down $20M from one of the most powerful liberals in America — and his own party buried it. Integrity over cash. Rare sight in DC. What...
  • "Gravest Crime Against Humanity" [semi

    03/31/2026 11:12:50 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 March 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, the UN General Assembly voted to declare the transatlantic African slave trade as "the gravest crime against humanity." UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres said "the transatlantic slave trade was a crime against humanity that struck at the core of personhood, broke up families and devastated communities." Ghana's President John Mahama praised the declaration, saying "we came together in solemn solidarity to affirm truth and pursue a route to healing and reparations. The adoption of this resolution serves as a safeguard against forgetting." US ambassador to the UN Dan Negrea objected "history is replete with crimes against humanity--genocides, massacres, torture,...
  • Unpopular Democrat Gets Debate Canceled [semi-satire]

    03/30/2026 10:59:38 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 March 2026 | John Semmens
    The University of Southern California (USC) and Los Angeles television station KABC tried to have a gubernatorial debate on March 24. The qualifying criteria for being invited included polling numbers and fundraising thresholds. Six candidates made the cut: four Democrats: Katie Porter, Tom Steyer, Eric Swalwell and Matt Mahan, and two Republicans: Chad Bianco and Steve Hilton. Democrat Xavier Becerra, who didn't make the cut, called the qualifying criteria "biased. Every one of those who were invited is white. They should all withdraw from this racist so-called debate." His reasoning was so powerful that USC decided to cancel the debate...
  • ICE Officer Saves Child [semi-satire]

    03/29/2026 11:00:20 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 March 2026 | John Semmens
    This week, one of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents Trump sent to JFK Airport in New York City to assist the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) saved a one-year-old child from choking to death by using the Heimlich maneuver. House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY), who had previously asserted that "the last thing that the American people need are for untrained ICE agents to be deployed at airports all across the country potentially to brutalize or in some instances kill them," now cautions "against letting down our guard against these dangerous and undisciplined brutes. A lion may peacefully lie...
  • Marco Rubio says the US State Department will no longer accept Congresswoman Ilhan Omar's sponsorship of foreign refugees after more than a dozen of the Minnesota fraudsters were found to be on her list.

    03/29/2026 7:50:40 AM PDT · by SmokingJoe · 28 replies
    X ^ | 03/27/2026 | GRANDPA'S FREE ADVICE
    Marco Rubio says the US State Department will no longer accept Congresswoman Ilhan Omar's sponsorship of foreign refugees after more than a dozen of the Minnesota fraudsters were found to be on her list. "She allows people in who can pay a nice fee," said Rubio, "But she doesn't vet them in any way." Rubio says allowing people in just because they appear to have money is how we ended up with the Twin Towers on the streets of Lower Manhattan. "It's a dangerous practice."
  • Dems Granted Full Control of Election Oversight [semi-satire]

    03/28/2026 10:46:55 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 March 2026 | John Semmens
    In Georgia, the state Court of Appeals ruled that the Democrat-majority of the Fulton County Board of Commissioners has the discretion to reject Republican nominees it doesn't like. Though the statute says the board "shall make appointments from a list of nominees submitted by each Party," Presiding Judge Anne Barnes decided that "the power to appoint is inherently discretionary. If the Democrat majority doesn't like the nominees the Republicans name it can reject them until more acceptable nominees are named." Georgia Republican Party Chairman Josh McKoon called the ruling "predictable but outrageous. The integrity of the whole election process is...
  • Black Half Of Tiger Woods Tased By Cops After Asian Half Crashes Car

    03/28/2026 8:55:29 AM PDT · by V_TWIN · 27 replies
    babylonbee.com ^ | March 28, 2026
    JUPITER, FL — The black half of professional golfer Tiger Woods was tased by police at the scene where the Asian half of Tiger Woods had wrecked his car. Woods' Asian half had just managed to roll his vehicle on its side while driving in a neighborhood, only to exit the car and have his black half get nailed by a taser. "Tough break there," said CBS commentator Jim Nantz, watching the video. "Tiger needs to let the black half do the driving and the Asian half talk to the police. He could really use a race caddy to help...
  • Brennan Sides with Iran [semi-satire]

    03/28/2026 12:21:37 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 March 2026 | John Semmens
    Rahim Nadali, a cultural official with Iran's Revolutionary Guard Corps, announced "we are lowering the minimum age for enlistment to 12 years old. America's attack has inspired the young men of our country to join in the holy war against the Great Satan. Their martyrdom will turn the tide against the infidels and Jews who started this war and eradicate them from the face of the Earth." Former US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) Director John Brennan went on MS NOW and told host Symone Sanders that "there's no doubt in my mind that Iran is going to win this war."...
  • Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Liberals (Waylon Jennings Parody)

    03/26/2026 6:55:53 AM PDT · by Eleutheria5 · 5 replies
    Brian Coyne Parodies ^ | 22/3/26 | Brian Coyne
    Here's an ANTHEM for the CONSERVATIVES! 🎵 😂🎸 Sing it LOUD everywhere you go! I want all the mammas out there to raise their babies RIGHT and not let them grow up to be LIBERALS! 0:00How did we get here? 0:033 secondsHow much this country [music] hates women? So awesome. 0:077 secondsI'm not going to class today cuz I know I know who I am. Trust me, I know who I am. Stop it. [music] 0:1515 secondsGet some help. [applause] 0:1919 seconds[cheering] 0:2020 seconds[music] 0:2222 secondsLiberals ain't easy to love. They're just kind of slow. [music] 0:2929 secondsThey'd rather just...
  • Carville Admits He's No Expert [semi-satire]

    03/24/2026 11:09:56 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 March 2026 | John Semmens
    James Carville became a national figure as an advisor to Gov. Bill Clinton's successful 1992 campaign for president. Since that time he's made a good living as a so-called political expert. His November 2024 New York Times op-ed "Three Reasons I'm Certain Kamala Harris Will Win" was far short of accurate. Likewise, his 2009 book "40 More Years: How the Democrats Will Rule the Next Generation" seems off-base. During an interview with ESPN sports analyst Stephen A. Smith, Carville admitted "the truth of the matter is, I'm not a very good predictor of elections. I can't even remember what the...
  • TSA Reduces Delays By Eliminating Colonoscopy Portion Of Search

    03/23/2026 1:29:35 PM PDT · by DFG · 11 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 03/23/2026 | Babylon Bee
    U.S. — The Transportation Security Administration announced this morning that it would be ending the practice of performing colonoscopies on travelers at airports around the country in an effort to speed up security lines amidst the ongoing partial government shutdown. A TSA press release said that eliminating the standard colonoscopy portion of the search was a risk the agency was willing to take to accommodate travelers. "Our checkpoints will now be slightly less invasive," TSA spokesman Robert Clarence told reporters after the announcement. "Having to prep a traveler for such a procedure takes time, and sometimes we even had to...
  • De Niro Upset with Mamdani [semi-satire]

    03/23/2026 11:50:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 28 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 March 2026 | John Semmens
    Actor Robert De Niro is upset that New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani wants to raise his property taxes. "I understand that the City needs more revenue to deliver all the services he promised when he ran for the office of mayor, but I helped get this guy elected," De Niro complained. "Now he wants to take more from me than any mayor in history and he won't even have a sit down meeting with me. Where's the gratitude I'm owed?" So far, Mamdani has refused the face-to-face meeting De Niro has requested, saying "this is not a mobster movie...
  • US Intel Analysts Hid Chinese 2020 Election Interference [semi-satire]

    03/21/2026 11:08:01 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 March 2026 | John Semmens
    In January 2021, Dr. Barry Zulauf, a member of the Senior National Intelligence Service, reported that "US intel analysts working on Chinese influence operations during the 2020 election downplayed China's meddling, one analyst admitted to withholding information on China's efforts to meddle in the 2020 presidential election from President Trump 'because I don't want my intelligence going to the White House where it will be used by that vulgarian in the Oval Office to support policies against China with which I personally disagree.'" Zulauf's report was buried in the federal files. He made several speeches disclosing this Intel dereliction of...
  • Finding Fraud in Government Is Easy [semi-satire]

    03/20/2026 10:35:17 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 March 2026 | John Semmens
    Vice-President JD Vance's first step after his appointment to head up a government task force to combat public fraud should be to follow the example set by independent reporter Nick Shirley. Shirley has been knocking on the doors of places that are receiving government funds--like daycare centers and hospices. His most recent adventures have been in pursuit of organizations that purport to be providing hospice services. He is finding that there are no patients in these places, but plenty of expensive cars parked outside belonging to the recipients of the government grants. CBS News had a similar experience when they...
  • 8 Coolest Perks Of Becoming The New Ayatollah

    03/19/2026 9:58:37 AM PDT · by dayglored · 5 replies
    The Bee ^ | Mar 18, 2026 | The Bee
    The hottest job on the market right now is being the Iranian Ayatollah, but why is everyone suddenly buzzing about it? Here are just eight of the most incredible perks that come with being the new Supreme Leader: Neat hat that can easily hide a bag of Cheetos: Very few jobs out there right now offering Cheeto hats. Free pagers: People will literally just give them to you. Job is secure even if you lose your legs: How many careers can say that? Can issue fatwas against anyone who annoys you: Telemarketer calls during dinner -- fatwa. Falafel truck...
  • San Francisco Celebrates St. Patrick’s Day By Adding Green Dye To Sidewalk Poop

    03/18/2026 10:12:28 AM PDT · by dayglored · 8 replies
    The Bee ^ | Mar 17, 2026 | The Bee
    SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Just in time for St. Patrick's Day, San Francisco officials spared no expense in dyeing all the poop on the city's sidewalks green. "Wow! It's so festive!" remarked one homeless man. "I should poop on the sidewalk more often." The project, spearheaded by Mayor Daniel Lurie, was reportedly a clever way to capitalize on the St. Patrick's Day holiday while also making the city's sidewalks slightly less revolting. Residents reacted favorably to the festive new sidewalks and claimed that it made the city feel that much more Irish. "There's still poop everywhere, but at least...
  • Trump Lures Gay Ayatollah Out Of Hiding With Cardboard Cutout Of David Hasselhoff

    03/17/2026 11:52:20 AM PDT · by V_TWIN · 12 replies
    babylonbee.com ^ | March 17, 2026
    TEHRAN — At President Donald Trump's direction, the U.S. military successfully took out Iran's new gay supreme leader by luring him out of his bunker with a cardboard cutout of Baywatch star David Hasselhoff. As part of Operation Hot Hoff, SEAL Team Six reportedly trained night and day for weeks ahead of a planned ground incursion in which they strategically set up a cardboard cutout of David Hasselhoff designed to look lost and in need of male companionship. It was only a matter of time before Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei, who sources indicated was gay, fell for the devious trap and...
  • Trump Lures Gay Ayatollah Out Of Hiding With Cardboard Cutout Of David Hasselhoff

    03/17/2026 1:06:42 PM PDT · by woodbutcher1963 · 5 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | March 17, 2026 | Babylon Bee
    TEHRAN — At President Donald Trump's direction, the U.S. military successfully took out Iran's new gay supreme leader by luring him out of his bunker with a cardboard cutout of Baywatch star David Hasselhoff. As part of Operation Hot Hoff, SEAL Team Six reportedly trained night and day for weeks ahead of a planned ground incursion in which they strategically set up a cardboard cutout of David Hasselhoff designed to look lost and in need of male companionship. It was only a matter of time before Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei, who sources indicated was gay, fell for the devious trap and...
  • Ayatollah Disappointed To Learn 72 Virgins Awaiting Him In Paradise Are All Women

    03/17/2026 12:19:37 PM PDT · by dayglored · 20 replies
    The Bee ^ | Mar 16, 2026 | The Bee
    TEHRAN — With rumors about his sexual preferences circulating amid the ongoing military conflict ravaging his country, the new Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei was reportedly disappointed to learn that the 72 virgins awaiting him in paradise were all women. Sources within the regime revealed that the recently chosen supreme leader had called his most trusted Muslim scholars to search the Quran to determine if the 72 virgins awaiting martyrs in paradise had to be female. "You could tell he was pretty bummed," said one insider. "We've all heard the rumors for years, and his father tried to keep it under...
  • Cubans Beg Trump to Liberate Them [semi-satire]

    03/17/2026 11:30:25 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 March 2026 | John Semmens
    Cuban citizen Pedro Quiala Carmenate says "there's no food, there's no electricity and there's no medical care. Now that Trump has liberated the people of Venezuela from the brutal rule of Nicolas Maduro, we are hoping he will liberate Cuba from President Miguel Diaz-Canel's Communist tyranny." Founder of the Patriotic Union of Cuba José Daniel Ferrer asserted "the majority of Cubans want the Americans to intervene because they are living through the worst period of the 67-year dictatorship. As we achieve a historic transformation in Venezuela, we're also looking forward to the great change that will soon be coming to...