Posted on 08/03/2020 8:06:22 AM PDT by Auslander154
The Gospel According to John Roberts
I’ve noticed that some ministers and parishioners have found ingenious ways to get around the Roberts’ 50 Limit Church Decree. It seems we still have the right of assembly ( in certain sanctified secular designations) if not full religious freedoms; so I have been scouring the internet and unearthed some cunningly crafty ways to get to ‘church’ on time and in full grandiose and resplendent numbers.
There was the right reverend Billingsley of the We Save You More church taking his congregation down to the local Walmart store. He noticed that the paper towel and disinfectant aisles were un-stocked and bare, so he filled them with glorious jubilation and hosannas.
Then there was that minister of the Hokum Holy Rollers who took his prayerful-minded to the Hard Rock Casino. Word was that they did rather well at the tables after the service.
The next week that same minister took his Holy Rollers down to Planet Fitness, but he won’t be going back there anymore. He said his congregation got more of a workout in his own church than they ever did at the gym. He said he’d try the bowling alley next week.
The manager of one of the Hooters Restaurants begged the All You Can Save ministry to return to his establishment to conduct their services. The manager took a liking to that cabernet sauvignon stuff that suddenly came out of the bar taps during church services.
That rascally right reverend Billingsley also picked a night when the Ten Commandments was showing at the IMAX Theater. Queasy church folk said it was the most moving service they ever attended. Didn’t even need to gather at the river after church.
I seem to have lost all my attribution sources for the above anecdotes, but no reason why they couldn’t have happened just like was told.
So, I say, bring your choir to sing “Swing Lowe Sweet Chariot” down to that particular department store, “How Great thou Art” at the metropolitan museum. “Jesus Paid It All” at the Dollar General layaway counter, and “A Mighty Fortress is our God” on the steps of the Supreme Court.
My apologies if I have offended in my attempts at humor. I truly do not mean to offend any sect or creed. But I think point has been made that there are humorous and pointed ways to evade the Gospel of John Roberts.
There are EVIL people in our world today. Many are Americans. Some sit on the USSC.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.