Posted on 02/16/2021 3:51:29 PM PST by grundle
HOUSTON, TX—Texans are struggling to keep warm amid a cold snap that has brought arctic temperatures to the region. Left with no other options, many Texans are being forced to cut open cattle with lightsabers and crawl inside to stay warm.
One rancher and his ranch hand were forced to take these drastic measures when temperatures approached the level of springtime in Ohio and his horse froze before he reached the first marker.
“This steer really smells bad, kid,” said the rancher to his shivering ranch hand. He then cut open the cow’s carcass and encouraged his employee to crawl into the warm, steamy entrails. “But it’ll keep y’all warm until I get the shelter up.”
Reports across the state indicate that every business is deserted, and every town decimated after a devastating dusting of 2 inches of snow.
“We will come back from this tragedy and rebuild,” said Governor Greg Abbott. “In the meantime, FEMA has promised to send us more lightsabers.”
People are dying.
This isn’t the least bit funny.
To Bee or Not 2 Bee
thanks for posting, grundle
Yes,
This sorriness/idiocy isn’t the least bit funny.
Can they set the light saber to medium-rare and slice off a steak for me?
Did they recycle all their Potbelly Stoves ?
Texans should have hoarded more cow chips.
I was out on MacArthur today, a main drag in Irving/Coppell. The roads had not been treated, two days after it snowed. When I was stationed in Germany, sand and salt trucks were out on the roads soon after snow started falling. We dealt with "wintry conditions" for 2-3 months at a time.
The lack of preparedness and action by our Texas municipalities is appalling.
Babylon Bee is NEVER funny. I wish people would stop posting from it.
you posted your comment as-is, it would look like ...
To: A strike
Feels like being a Washingtonian...when everyone here starts lumping you in with Commies....because idiots is everywhere.
You are a victim.
Me too, I’m shooting mad...but can’t talk about that...
There must be a lot of Texans wondering.
I got past “what the hell is going on.” a long time ago.
We have troubles everywhere.
God save us.
But, we still have to laugh.
I was going to post to Astrike but cut and pasted to you instead.
lol.
Satire doesn’t care if people die. Satire isn’t designed to make you laugh, it is to make you think.
Hey you all can rag on Jersey
But we still have our Nuclear plants and our natural gas infrastructure
A giant Natural Gas pipeline was just built through the central part of the state, 33 miles, should be online by 2022
Why is Texas freezing in the cold? With crappy wind mills that don’t work and solar panels covered in snow?
What happened?
Yea, from bringing the BBQ pit into the house, or from not changing driving habits despite knowing there is ice in the road. Some homeless also decided not to go to shelters and froze stuff. Shoulda had a lightsaber.
Damn cellphone autocorrected me in weird ways. Stuff = stiff. “On” instead of in.
I love the Bee. Here lately I have to examine closely the regular ‘news’ articles because many seem like they could have been from a satire site.
I love the Bee. Here lately I have to examine closely the regular ‘news’ articles because many seem like they could have been from a satire site.
Sounds like that scene from The Revenant where Leer Jet Leo slept inside a dead bear.
Xiden's fault!! (If they can blame President Trump, why can't we blame the fake elected so called president?)
That’s pretty funny...
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