Posted on 12/24/2021 4:23:37 PM PST by DFG
PHILADELPHIA, PA—The Philadelphia Police Department today confirmed Santa Claus was sleighjacked while trying to deliver toys to all the good little boys and girls in the city.
"I parked to check Google Maps and suddenly there was this guy with a gun forcing me out of the sleigh," a tearful Claus told police. "I didn't have time to dig through my sacks of toys to get out a Red Ryder BB Gun and defend myself. It all happened so fast."
"Ugh, I had over seven PS5s on that thing!"
Claus says the sleighjacker pushed him out of the sleigh and then took the reins, taking the magical flying vehicle on a joyride through the skies of Philly. Investigators believe the sleighjacking was random and that the perpetrator simply intends to get it over the Mexican border where it can be sold for parts. The reindeer may be taken to Canada where they'll be made into jerky.
The police department has vowed to bring the carjacker to justice, while Santa Claus has vowed to put him on the naughty list. Claus was able to rent a sleigh and continue on to Chicago, where he was immediately sleighjacked again and shot 17 times in the chest. His attackers were released on $50 bail.
I remember something similar about 20 or 30 years ago in Chicago.
A local group had lots of presents for all the poor black kids in the area, under a big tree, and suddenly the crowd of adults rushed the tree, grabbed the presents, and a few minutes later were trying to sell them outside on the street.
Cleaned out the tree quicker than I can type this.
The reindeer jerky part about busted my gut
Nobody better than the Bee at this
“...the perpetrator simply intends to get it over the Mexican border”
Nope. The perp will work with the coyotes to transport “los illegales” over the border for the next year.
Thnaks for keeping my spirits up through all this cr**.
Next year he should hire Rittenhouse to ride with him!
Not here in Michigan. The REAL coyotes will hunt the deer and take them down. (Yes, some hunt in packs here)
Well at least he didn’t get booed by Eagles fans and have snowballs thrown at him.
Reminds me of that “good will” robot a few years ago that they sent down the east coast - made it as far as Philly and his creators found him beaten senseless.
Lol!
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