Posted on 04/25/2024 3:05:34 PM PDT by DFG
RAFAH — Hamas has issued a statement of thanks to American university students for their unwavering support over the past few weeks, promising that, in return, the deaths of university students in the coming global intifada would be relatively quick and painless.
"Our cold hearts have been warmed by the unquestioning loyalty of American college students," said Hamas spokesman Muhammed Muhammed Al-Muhammed Muhammed to reporters. "As a token of our gratitude, we will shoot you and blow you up instead of cutting your heads off while raping you when we globalize our glorious intifada and cleanse the world of all infidels, Americans, and Jews."
"Death to America. But, like, a quick death. Well, maybe it will only hurt for a second. But that's it. It's the least we could do. Thanks, everyone."
The Hamas spokesman was then cut short by an Israeli drone strike.
"We are proud to stand behind the brave liberators of Palestine," said Zander Penelope, president of the Columbia chapter of Queer Degenerates For Palestine. "As an oppressive white colonizer, I know I deserve to be killed, and am grateful that I won't experience much pain when they kill me. But if they want to cut my head off, that's fine too. I'm just happy to show my support to the movement."
At publishing time, Hamas clarified that their pledge would not apply to gay people, who would still be thrown off the top of buildings.
📌
Probably Hamas would prioritize getting rid of the Rainbow people. After that all the women protesting who do not wear a hijab.
Lol
I’VE NOW BEEN PROGRAMMED TO CHECK FOR THE BEE!
Great job by the Babylon Bee, as usual, but this one is a zinger!
I think most of us have been by now.
There’s more truth in that article than a couple years worth of MSM reports.
Once again, the Bee comes awfully close to reality.
I tried to post this Bee satire on Face Book. I clearly marked it as SATIRE in all caps so the FB computer would not ban me for “disinformation” It was instantly blocked anyway as going against their community standards. And I was told to delete it or else I would be banned. Which I did.
So interesting that even obvious satire that makes the radical left look bad is prohibited on Face Book. I guess their “community standards” are written by the Communist Party USA.
Got stung be the Bee -— they’re SO convincing!
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