MORFORD: Who Will Stop The Evil Jogger?

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 4/5/6 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

One TV commercial says all you need to know about GW Bush's America. And trophy wives.

Here is your fear.

Here is your fear kicked and stomped upon and artificially inflated and jabbed with pointy rusty knives by teams of meandering capitalist jackasses over at a big American home security company and the advertising agency they've hired to openly hate you.

Here is this security company's TV commercial (which one doesn't really matter) running on late-night television just after "Lost" but before "The Daily Show" and wedged precariously between dinner and a walking nightmare and a fistful of inane insulting social detritus:

Scene: Friendly upscale white-bread tract-home Wisteria Lane yuppie nightmare blissland. Sunshine, manicured lawns, white male jogger casually running down street. Yuppie penguin-suited husband kisses wife goodbye in perfect utopian doorway and walks to his shiny car as smiling blond Botoxed wife goes back inside and closes front door and, oddly, immediately arms fancy home security system on ugly-ass yuppie McMansion. Beep beep beep blip. All zones secure. Yay.

Yuppie husband pulls car out of driveway and catches eye of jogger who just that moment happens to be passing by yuppie couple's home. Jogger gives friendly nod to husband just as jogger bends to tie his shoelace. Yuppie husband thinks nothing of it as he pulls away toward miserable middle-management job that numbs his soul and induces alcoholism and Xanax and adultery and will cause bitter painful divorce in roughly 3.7 years.

Jogger watches clean-cut yuppie husband disappear down street, stands up and drops his chin and his eyes turn evil and his face turns shadowy and he immediately pulls a black hoodie up over his head and turns toward yuppie couple's walkway and begins to...

[SmithL]

Morfordite Alert

You've been warned!

[Moose4]

Y'know, the fact that Miss Morford is a flaming fudgepacker, hate-mongering anti-American anti-Christian blue-state gerbil-abusing bleeptard does not disqualify him from being a newspaper columnist.

Fact is, the sumbitch can't write his way out of a paper bag.

Mark, honey, I'm not even an English or journalism major, and I can tell you, there is such a thing as a run-on sentence, and such a thing as TOO MANY ADJECTIVES.

Just damn.

}:-)4

[SmithL]

Morford compensates for not having any coherent thoughts by having lots of the other kind.

[Jibaholic]

Is this not your fear? They will make it your fear. Is this not something you lie awake at night trembling about and wondering when the evil hooded thug-rapist-jogger (surprisingly not a black guy in this particular commercial -- so tiny kudos for that) is going to kick in your door?

That is the liberal fear. The conservative reality is that our non-botoxed wife, who has lost her figure after three kids but is still the most beautiful woman in the world, has a .357 magnum and puts two in the thugs chest and one more in his head.