Posted on 09/25/2006 10:29:00 AM PDT by AUJenn
Do you homeschool? If she's enrolled in a school outside the home, how does she do her homework? Every class mine have been in since 7th grade (and some earlier), they've had to use the computer to either do research or type their lessons.
You bet you need to tell....
Becky
I suspect by inviting his older sister to peruse the site, the younger brother was asking for implied endorsement of the things therein. If she does not object to these things, he can be forgiven for thinking that his sister considers the drinking and such to be "cool", and not a problem.
The little brother has really put his sister in a difficult position. She should not feel too guilty if his toes are stepped on as a result.
Plus, binge drinking in a 13-year-old is the express ticket to alcoholism. A kid does not have a clue on how to handle alcohol. The same can be said of some adults, but it is true of just about every 13-year-old. Somebody needs to intervene.
13 is a make or break age.
He's probably old enough to understand that what he's doing is wrong.
He might be mature enough to understand it, but he probably doesn't give a flip.
I'd personally bring it up to him, or better yet, have your husband do so.
If that doesn't do the trick, maybe you should bring it up to your parents.
I got into some trouble when I was younger (I was older than 13). I got in with a bad crowd, I did bad things. The changes in my life were unmistakable, but my parents never sat me down and tried to set me straight. I wish they had. I suspect that they didn't know how to do it, didn't want to damage our relationship, or something else.
I eventually got straightened out, but I lost a good 10 years, wasting my time doing things I shouldn't have been doing. I was quite lucky things didn't go worse for me. Two of my friends died -- and even their deaths did not help me see the light. My wife is the one who rescued me.
Adults should sit kids down and have a talk when it appears that the kid is going wrong. It doesn't have to be angry or confrontational. But to "look the other way" is to make a terrible mistake. At 13, I don't think the kid can fix this by himself. He's young enough to get into trouble, but not old enough to have tools to dig himself out. He needs help.
You have a very good point...
My buddy allowed me to use his name as my screen name too. Hes a good ole boy, I tell you what.
Here, three teens who had myspace accounts recently died. After looking through the pages, I find it appalling their parents didn't have the sense to step in and stop some of the behaviors they bragged about. Those behaviors turned out to be the cause of their deaths. If only the parents had bothered to look through the pages, I suspect the kids would be alive today.
I kind of wondered if CindyDawg wasn't right in #17... i.e., that he may be uncomfortable with the stuff his friends are up to but doesn't have the moral courage to say so & is looking for another 'out'.
I think many parents make the absolutely rational decision that it's a mistake to completely shelter their children right up until the age of 18, as you seem to think is appropriate. That doesn't mean they "don't care" as you suggest.
Bingo, I think you have hit the nail on the head. Because I am so much older than him, we have had more of a friends kind of relationship because we did not really grow up together. I was at college when he was a small child.
He adores my husband and thinks he is very "cool" because they like a lot of the same music. My husband loves jam bands, Rolling Stones, Steely Dan, Traffic, etc. but does not exactly fit the stoner, hippie lifestyle! He is a devout Catholic, 31 years old, professional married man. I think my brother thinks we are lot "cooler" than we really are!
I think he forgets this and figures that as long as I/we don't say anything, we approve.
I love my brother and want the best for him; I appreciate a lot of the suggestions I've gotten so far. Thank you all -
It sounds like he can be helped. But you can't let something like this go by.
There's a difference between "sheltering" and being generally aware of where & how a 13yo spends his time.
"I am by no means some boring prude or tattle , but I feel that he has no
business being involved in some of this at 13 years old. "'
I'll give you the punchline up front:
"Actions (and words/pictures are manisfestations of actions) have consequences.
So you've got to be careful with what you say and do."
Here's the rest of my dissertation:
If I was in your place, I think that (at first) I'd not tattle...but try
to find some way to place a "carrot" in front of your brother.
From WAY BACK, I remember this saying:
"NOTHING is ever 'off the record'."
(This was from the TV version of "The Paper Chase" when Professor Kingsfield
reminds a law student that IN REALITY, just about everything a person
does or says is noticed by somebody else.)
I'd tell your brother that thanks to items like "Wayback Machine", what ever
he does in cyberspace is recorded. And people pay attention.
There have even been a few news stories about potential employers simply
Googling and finding job applicants My Space pages...and the outcome is not good.
You can also remind him that while a person shouldn't be constantly self-censoring
(or lying), it doesn't hurt to follow Thomas Jefferson's advice about
always acting as if someone else was looking/listening.
Maybe his current My Space page is funny or engaging...but if he (and/or friends)
ever got into some sort of trouble (even innocently)...
that My Space page is going to be looked at by the police, the DA, and
about a thousand other interested parties.
And even if it was full of "bloviation", it may look really bad under
fuller scrutiny.
I don't know where your 13-year old brother is at on the religiosity spectrum.
But I'd be tempted to get this book for him (even if it's more directed to
high-schoolers near graduation).
It's about how Christians (or just the average Joe/Josephine) should
consider how they present themselves to the world.
In order to do well AND not to have to overcome negative image.
I only have heard the author discuss the book, but IIRC, he said there
was a chapter on the subject of having tatoos.
And that is is one page long.
With the whole text of "Don't."
In, But Not Of: A Guide to Christian Ambition
by Hugh Hewitt
http://www.amazon.com/But-Not-Guide-Christian-Ambition/dp/0785263950/sr=1-2/qid=1159206118/ref=pd_bbs_2/002-2180835-6222436?ie=UTF8&s=books
You lucked out, Buddy.
Wouldn't you want to know what your 13 year old was up to?
I don't disagree with that. But for all we know, the parents may already be dealing with the issue. Or they may have content filters and mistakenly assumed that's enough. Etc.
To leap to the conclusion that they're uncaring is not appropriate given the facts we have.
Of course I am not implying that the don't care. Seems to me they would know, or try to be as nosey as possible.
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