Posted on 01/06/2010 2:30:39 PM PST by mnehring
American feminists have been attempting to rid the world of male chauvinists for decades. In this they have largely failed, given that men still exist, although they have had considerable success in neutering many male victims.
These results are not quite good enough, however, which has led dissatisfied feminists to cross the species barrier for answers in the quest to eliminate all things masculine. The object of their estro-wrath? Our good friends, the pandas.
First frozen semen test tube pandas are born
Awwwwww
Yes, ladies and knuckle-draggers, the pandemists are real, and thanks to their dedication the male has been made largely irrelevant in the panda world. Recent advances in pandemism mean that only a small “donation” is needed from a male panda, and then he is out of the picture entirely. This is quite a milestone, and a source of pride for hard-core pandemists everywhere.
The next step, the elimination of any need at all for the male is still an elusive goal, but pandemist scientists are working hard each day, scratching, clawing, and shoot-eating their way step by arduous step. The ultimate hope is that a cure for panda males will be found, with that hard earned knowledge leading to desperately needed progress in the human world.
How do they expect me to weed out the males, these things all look alike!
Self-actuated reproduction, just think of the possibilities!
No offense to panda lovers, but pandas are basically bamboo-eating buttholes that would happily maul you if they got their paws on you. Sort of like polar bears - absolutely adorable when little, but when the grow up, they’ll happily snack on your innards.
They’re vegetarians, so the only reason they’d maul you is if you insisted in being a moron and didn’t respect their space or went after one of their cubs...
But they’re cute!!! :-)
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