| You're 50% Irish |
 You're probably less Irish than you think you are... But you're still more Irish than most. |
Posted on 03/12/2010 4:22:46 AM PST by Lucky9teen
The Young Irish Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn’t stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, “When I’m worried about gettin’ nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o’ whiskey. Just to calm my nerves.”
So the next Sunday he took the older priest’s advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say ``He was stoned off his ass.”
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it, for it is my body”; he did not say, “Eat me.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, “Mary with the Cherry”.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God”
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Patrick’s, not a patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub drinking a few beers.
So, Thomas O’Ryan said to Liam Halloren, “Liam, me buddy, me ol’ pal. When I die would you please pour a couple of beers o’er me grave?”
Liam said, “Why certainly, but could I pour it through me bladder first?”
Or maybe the immigrant that bragged
that when he went to Chavez ravine
see a game, everyone stood up and
sang “Jose can you see...”
Father O’Connor walks into a pub and says to the first man he meets, ‘Do you want go to heaven?’
The man replies, ‘Yes, Father.’
Father O’Connor then says, ‘Leave this bar right now, and go outside’.
O’Connor proceeds to another man, and asks him the same thing. The chap also answers, ‘Yes’.
Father O’Connor asks him too to go out.
The Reverend Father goes the the third man and asks, ‘Would you like to go to heaven? ‘
This time the reply is, ‘No thank-you Father.’
Surprised, Father O’Connor asks, ‘Why not?’
The man opines, ‘I mean I do, but only after I die.’
The Father O’Connor explains, ‘That’s what I am talking about.’
The man says, ‘Oh, I thought you are getting a group ready right now.’
Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription “Here lies a politician and an honest man.”
‘Faith now,’ exclaims Reilly, ‘I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.
Irish Job Application
Murphy applied for a fermentation operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager. When the results were in, amazingly, both men had only one wrong answer.
The manager went to Murphy and said, ‘Thank you for coming to the interview, but We’ve decided to give the American the job.’
Murphy, ‘And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job.’
Manager, ‘We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.’
Murphy, ‘And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?’
Manager, ‘Simple. On question number 7 the American wrote down, ‘I don’t know.’
You put down, ‘Neither do I.’
| You're 50% Irish |
|
You're probably less Irish than you think you are... But you're still more Irish than most. |
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/There’s_No_One_as_Irish_as_Barack_O’Bama
“There’s No One As Irish As Barack O’Bama” is a humorous folk song written in 2008 by the Irish band Hardy Drew and the Nancy Boys,[1] (later known as The Corrigan Brothers) and set to a tune derived from a traditional air.
Hawaii Five-O’Post!
wow, 4:00 and just now hitting page 2?
Why does Irish chilli have only 239 beans?
Because if it had one more, it’d be too farty.
Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by.
“Help!” Barty shouted, “Oi’m sinkin’!”
Don’t worry,” assured Mick. “Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there.”
Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty’s hand and pulled and pulled to no avail.
After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, “Shure, an’ Oi can’t do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi’ll have to get some help.”
As Mick was leaving, Barty called “
Mick! Mick!
D’ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?
Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock.
“We have 99” replied the shop owner
“Give us the lot” said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. “I don’t know sur” he replied
“but that’s the last time I try that budgie jumping”
My Favorite Irish quote..
From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this though, despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Osama bin Laden, there’s a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death.
David Feherty
It was announced today that Buckwheat, star of the classic Our Gang comedies, has converted to the Muslim faith and has officially changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.
It was announced today that Buckwheat, star of the classic Our Gang comedies, has converted to the Muslim faith and has officially changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.
| You're 10% Irish |
 Not even on St. Patrick's Day! |
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