Posted on 11/23/2010 4:16:21 PM PST by MindBender26
I have discovered the ultimate weapon against any TSA screener who wants to cop a cheap feel as I fly during the Thanksgiving holiday.
The weapon is Kielbasa.
It's Aunt Blogdona’s annual Thanksgiving treat of kielbasa and sautéed onion borsch. One bowl of this stuff in an untrained bowel and your gut produces enough gas to drive the family car home from Hamtramck, Michigan to Cedar Rapids, Iowa. If the EPA ever smelled this stuff, everyone’s arse would have to be pasted with federally-mandated warning stickers.
If a lawyer from the EU ever smelled it in a closed room, Auntie B would probably be facing a tribunal in The Hague.
He is my plan.
I’ll begin with an extra large second helping of Aunt Blogdona’s Holiday Special. I’ll ensure it’s temperate enough outside so I can drive my car to the airport with the car windows open. One “windy” in a car with closed windows and 10 cans of Lysol and a quart of Air-Wick won’t get the smell out.
I will then hold my cheeks nice and tight as I pass through the ID check and initial screening. Then, if for some reason I am selected for the Grope and Grin.... I’ll wait until the nice officer gets behind me… bends down low… and when he does…. Zoowie! Let her rip.
We’re talking about a windy loud enough to set off local seismographs. The smell? About a 8.8 on the open-ended Baked Beans scale.
Trust me, one whiff of the aftermath of Auntie Blogdona's borsch and Mr. TSA will be out on disability for 6 weeks.
How could they ever blame me for doing something wrong? When nature calls, you have to answer the call, right? After all, that’s what Bill Clinton said when confronted with the truth about Monica.
Thread is useless without pics..../s
Trust me, the delivery system is not a pretty sight...
Have you given much thought to how you’re gonna cope once you board the airplane?
But you know... I have a GREAT idea for a business. I will open up a raw onion concession in the waiting lines....
$5 for one fresh, very pungent ONION to bite into. Give your screener some fresh onion breath!
Easy - just open the window. :=)
oops
LOL.
When I saw Kielbasa, I thought perhaps you were going to strap one to your leg (ala John Holmes). Now THAT would create some really cool press coverage.
LOL.
When I saw Kielbasa, I thought perhaps you were going to strap one to your leg (ala John Holmes). Now THAT would create some really cool press coverage.
LOL.
When I saw Kielbasa, I thought perhaps you were going to strap one to your leg (ala John Holmes). Now THAT would create some really cool press coverage.
After the gas attack, he won’t be boardin’ no planes. They use trains to get ya to prison.
If I ever find myself seated next to Mindbender I might be inclined to make a window.
-PJ
I'm wearing loose tennis sweats with zippers and pockets, going commando and lots of picante sauce and eggs the morning I go and pickled eggs and beer the night before.
I like the story about the "poor" TSA complaining of fat people and people that smell. F@#K them. It's like the NAZI guards complaining about all the smelly Jews that they "had to kill" in order to "do their job".
Hey, TSA, remember that "I was only doing my job and following orders" didn't work out so well for the guards at Treblinka II and Auschwitz. I love how the liberal and especially the African American libs are defending this, cause they're now relegated to the sheep of our society and are used to being handled like cattle. It's the price they've paid to be "given" benefits.
I won’t tell you what happened after I dined on beer, pickled eggs and polish sausage one nite...........
I could get you some of my mom’s capusta (polish sourkraut) to go with it. If that don’t add nicely to the aroma I don’t know what would!
USAF spring break in the panhandle, flying into Virginia for some leave. Got soooooo decimated the night before it was all I could do to scrape myself up and pour myself onto the plane and fall back asleep.
I woke up passing the most unimaginable silent but deadly gas that could choke a maggot. I kept my eyes shut the rest of the flight and pretended to sleep as I let loose into the recycled air.
Luckily they keep the air moving pretty good in those things and I had the back to myself, but I did hear some “OMG what IS that?” and such, and people thought the toilet was broken (a couple aisles up).
OK, confession over. My apologies to all who had to suffer.
lol. I don’t know why I still suffer for the sake of others while flying - just to have someone in the immediate vicinity cut loose, making me as suspect as anyone else anyway.
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