Gadzooks, Bead! Someone... 
slipped you a bogus copy!
I've been a faithful reader of "Jem" every since the onset of puberty... 
when I went from 30w to 5w30--
And I just looked through my copies of 'Jem' and found the correct... 
and proper copy
Your apology for all us Texan men... 
is expected ASAP--
Otherwise, my mechanic, Fred... 
will be over to rotate your ears and remove your lugnuts for starters.
Woodrow, you think an apology from Bead... 
is gonna set things square?
No, Gus, I reckon... 
I don't think it will--
Best get to grovelling, Bead, cause a really mad Texan... 
scares the living crap out of me!
Best do it, Bead! I've seen Fred's work and I... 
stay the hell out of his way!
Whoa, Bead. Even I know you really... 
screwed the pooch!