More often referred to as "Professor Irwin Corey". I remember him from the 1960s and 1970s ...
Posted on 12/01/2017 6:23:32 AM PST by sodpoodle
Remember him from waaaay-back. Dude is funny as they come. His deadpan delivery was outstanding. And a clean act, too.
I know a guy that oughta tweet his stuff!
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I am a peripheral visionary. I can see into the future, but only off to the sides.
Wrights stand up is top shelf
He and Hicks
Best 80s white guys
Let the press corps chew on Steven Wright a while.
A GREAT TAG LINE:
“Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.” Steven Wright.
More often referred to as "Professor Irwin Corey". I remember him from the 1960s and 1970s ...
I bought some powdered water once, but I didn’t know what to add.
Once I bought a pack of AA batteries, but they weren’t included, so I had to buy them again.
My favorite:
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
No. 19---I intend to live forever...So far, so good.
Nice Friday post. Thank you.
Chelsea Clinton sounds just like Prof. Irwin Corey when she tries to prove her PC cred.
They say most car crashes occur a mile from home. Move.
HILARIOUS BELLY BUSTER:
My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
I think a lot of those aren’t his originals but most are.
My favorite is “Anywhere is walking distance. If you have the time.”
Erwin Corey cracked me up...
I’ll have to look up this
Wright fella.
1 - I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
34 - If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. And the all-time favorite -
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
I accidentally put my car keys in the front door of my house. It started up. So I drove it around for a little while. Guy pulls up next to me. I look at him and say, “hey buddy, get out of my driveway!”
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