written in 44 BC and originally titled On Old Age
Translated and with an introduction by Philip Freeman
ISBN 9780691167701
E-book ISBN 9781400880393
Shows the original text for those oldies looking to learn a new language
Posted on 02/21/2018 6:58:05 AM PST by sodpoodle
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? <>If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. 'How old are you?' ' I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. 'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.
YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50, and your dreams are gone.... But! wait!! ! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and make it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that, it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80's, and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there.. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!' May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's family name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. AND, ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
And, if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting: 'Man, what a ride!'
People are too obsessed over age and weight IMO!
Very good advice in that list, but I would add:
Be thankful. Remember to thank God every day for all that you have.
So I'm buying seeds. Bopught netting to persuade God's little adventurers to find another fast food joint.
Everything looks like a seed tray now...and my plastic pork chop package as been called into action. Sooooo fun at "75".
Life expectancy is about 79 - so when you reach age 70 you are likely to start thinking about how much time you have for your ‘bucket list’.
Always shocked to see so many overweight, young men & women -bad habit being passed on to their children.
As a society we are blessed, or some might say cursed, with lives of plenty.
Just brilliant. And I remember hearing a far less accomplished young comic than Carlin, attempting to steal the ideas behind that entire first section,some of it word for word, as if no one would notice.
Just moved into a 3rd floor condo overlooking a river. Great sunrises. Would love to have a flower and herb garden, but this complex has no empty space for a residents’ community deal.
Love the idea, young’un;)
God Bless you Sac.
I have qualms with #6 and #9:
We have God, if we don’t include Him, we are lost.
If we ignore guilt, we ignore the power of apology and forgiveness, both are essential to love.
Saw Carlin in person years ago. My side hurt from laughing so hard. The other painful comedian was Henny Youngman.
Never felt better. This may change at any moment, of course, but HITTING 70 was not what I thought it would be.
I thought I'd be slouched in a wheelchair, drooling out the side of my mouth by now, unable to help myself.
But instead, I am active and continue the journey with vigor.
I still workout daily because I told my wife, I want to look good at my funeral!
I am blessed to have made it this far, considering the alternative.
written in 44 BC and originally titled On Old Age
Translated and with an introduction by Philip Freeman
ISBN 9780691167701
E-book ISBN 9781400880393
Shows the original text for those oldies looking to learn a new language
“1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.”
And cholesterol, triglycerides, glucose, pack years, ounces per day, etc. They can shove chasing these numbers around.
Congratulations, happy belated birthday, and keep up the good work!
Thanks for posting. Excellent advice added to the humor.
I will add one: Be merciful every day to those you encounter. You never know what they are going through in their lives.
I realize I wasn't too humble about blowing my own horn there.
But at 70, aren't we entitled to pat ourselves on the back for a race well-run?
:-)
Seems that the critical limits for BP, cholesterol and glucose are being lowered....so more elders are prescribed drugs so benefiting big pharma
The ones to avoid are statins....causing bad decision making with some elders.
I had a medical “incident/seizure” recently that sent me to the hospital. Come to find out my body cannot process sugar the way it used (borderline diabetic) to do, so I have to quit eating most sugar including ketchup! Sucks to get old, but I’ve lost 20 pounds and BP is perfect. Sum total, I feel great but had to learn to change the hard way! The people who can’t/won’t change usually die earlier.
well done;)
FR began in 1996 - with 400K members/lurkers over the past 22 years. The Memorial Wall lists dozens who were quite young when they passed. I would calculate that in 1996 most of us were 40-60 yrs. old - so we are now 60-80 yrs. old.
The responses to my ‘Geezer’ humor threads seems to support the math.
God Bless
Geezer Granma Sod
Cicero was a very wise man.
"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance."- Cicero - 55 BC
“A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to fear. The traitor is the plague.” — Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 B.C. – 43 B.C.)
"Do not blame Caesar, blame the people of Rome who have so enthusiastically acclaimed and adored him and rejoiced in their loss of freedom and danced in his path and given him triumphal processions. Blame the people who hail him when he speaks in the Forum of the new wonderful good society which shall now be Rome's, interpreted to mean more money, more ease, more security, and more living fatly at the expense of the industrious." --Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BC)
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