lol
“I’ll put him off at the next stop and I’ll buy a banana for your monkey.”
My barber told me this one last week; apparently it’s an oldie. May not be appropriate for FR, though, so it may be zotted quickly...
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s clinic when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said: “So, why are you here?”
The yellow Lab replied: “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”
The black Lab said: “So what’s the vet going to do?”
“Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the reply from the yellow Lab. “They reckon it’ll calm me down.”
The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked: “So, why are you here?”
The Black Lab said: “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owners’ couch.”
“So what are they going to do to you ? ” the Yellow Lab enquired.
“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too,” the dejected Black Lab said.
The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked: “Why are you here?”
“I’m a humper,” said the Great Dane. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts; I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away.”
The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said: “So, it’s nuts off for you too, huh?”
The Great Dane said: “No. Apparently I’m here to get my nails clipped!”
Punk and old geezer 2.0
Little Johnny is sitting on a park bench, scarfing down candy bar after candy bar.
An old man is sitting on a bench across from Johnny and says; “You know...eating that many candy bars is not good for you.”
Johnny replies; “Hey! My grandpa lived to be 97!”
The old man asks; “Yeah, but did he eat candy bars like you are?”
To which Johnny responds; “No, but he did mind his own damm business!”