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Dear dogs & cats letter
Email ^ | 12/17/2009 | Unknown

Posted on 10/04/2018 2:05:55 PM PDT by carriage_hill

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximise space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people, (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

The Mgmt (sort of...)


TOPICS: Hobbies; Humor; Miscellaneous; Pets/Animals
KEYWORDS: cats; dogs
A little humor on a rainy, humid night.
1 posted on 10/04/2018 2:05:55 PM PDT by carriage_hill
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To: carriage_hill

For a second, I thought this was a letter by dogs and cats against Kavanaugh just released by the Democrats.


2 posted on 10/04/2018 2:07:07 PM PDT by kaehurowing
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To: kaehurowing

LOL!


3 posted on 10/04/2018 2:08:37 PM PDT by carriage_hill (Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.)
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To: carriage_hill

4 posted on 10/04/2018 2:12:43 PM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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To: BenLurkin

Wow, that cat is a bully!


5 posted on 10/04/2018 2:16:10 PM PDT by Sans-Culotte (Time to get the US out of the UN and the UN out of the US!)
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To: BenLurkin

Or the dog’s a wimp.


6 posted on 10/04/2018 2:24:24 PM PDT by carriage_hill (Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.)
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To: BenLurkin

Poor puppy...


7 posted on 10/04/2018 2:29:52 PM PDT by Tuxedo (Stay alert)
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To: BenLurkin

Puppy better watch itself!


8 posted on 10/04/2018 2:47:20 PM PDT by Big Red Badger (Despised by the Despicable!)
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To: Big Red Badger

On number 7, my dog enjoys an occasional beer, but he doesn’t smoke. (It’s that opposable thumbs thing.)


9 posted on 10/04/2018 2:55:59 PM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Proud member of the DWN party. (Deplorable Wing Nut))
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To: carriage_hill
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people, (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

All so true.

10 posted on 10/04/2018 3:49:22 PM PDT by Boomer (#FightMeTooLiars)
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To: stylecouncilor

Ping


11 posted on 10/04/2018 3:57:43 PM PDT by windcliff
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To: carriage_hill

Bookmark for stealing myself!


12 posted on 10/04/2018 4:02:18 PM PDT by 4everontheRight (And the story began with..."Once there was a great nation......)
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Bookmarking


13 posted on 10/04/2018 4:07:15 PM PDT by RandallFlagg (Fact: Gun control laws kill innocents.)
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To: carriage_hill

Thanks, that was great! We definitely need humor breaks!


14 posted on 10/04/2018 4:11:56 PM PDT by bluejean (I'm becoming a cranky old person. It really annoys me.)
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To: carriage_hill

Well done! :)


15 posted on 10/04/2018 4:40:31 PM PDT by blondiegoodbadugly
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To: BenLurkin

LOL

That’s hilarious! Had to watch it a few times. The more I watched, the more I laughed.


16 posted on 10/04/2018 4:41:52 PM PDT by blondiegoodbadugly
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To: carriage_hill

I’ll have to share this with my furry alarm clock.


17 posted on 10/04/2018 4:54:07 PM PDT by TBP (Progressives lack compassion and tolerance. Their self-aggrandizement is all that matters.)
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To: Sans-Culotte

Well, the dog DID bark at him first.


18 posted on 10/04/2018 5:53:20 PM PDT by Zirondelle ("disce aut discede")
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